DEAR HARRIETTE: I am going to visit a family for the weekend. Every time we go there, we take a little gift, usually cookies that my kids and I make. It occurred to me that the family may not like this gift, because even if we are there for three or four days, they never serve the cookies. I know that people aren't obligated to immediately or ever use a houseguest's gift, but I suspect that cookies are not a popular choice.

What do you recommend that we take? I have three young children who like to do crafts, so we could make something else. -- Giftable Guest, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR GIFTABLE GUEST: I like the idea of mixing up the gift ideas, especially if you didn't get raves about your past choice. Ask your children for ideas. What do they like to make these days?

I recommend that you and your kids think of small-scale gifts. As you might imagine, your hosts may not want a wall-size clock or other big craft. Instead, it may be better to make soap, a candle or a drawing that reflects the good times you have had in the past or plan to have in the future. If your children have collected rocks, shells or other items during the summer, they may want to make a collage.

The point of the gift is to show that you care about your host. It doesn't need to be something that they feel obligated to display in their home. More, it should be something that brings a smile to their faces.

DEAR HARRIETTE: You forgot to add one important bit of advice to "Can't Breathe" (whose aunt dropped off her cat without notice, even though she is allergic to felines): Take the cat to a vet and board it! She should include the boarding bill with the cat when her aunt comes back and explain that while she loves helping her aunt, her health is important, too.

If the cat were staying only a couple of days, "Can't Breathe" might be able to tough it out. But if the aunt is gone for a week or more, the woman risks respiratory distress and may end up in the hospital.

I think the aunt was taking advantage of a relative, and not in an unconscious way. She didn't want to hear the word "no" and gave her niece no chance to say it. Plus, you don't take an out-of-the-country trip on a whim. She had plenty of time to make other arrangements. The aunt didn't want to pay to board her cat and chose to board her pet for free with her niece.

The allergy problem isn't just when the cat is physically there. The leftover loose hairs that can take days to get rid of after the cat is gone are also a problem. I love cats, by the way! -- Practical, Chicago

DEAR PRACTICAL: Boarding the cat is a perfect idea. And you are absolutely right about the lingering dander that can wreak havoc on someone allergic to cats.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom passed away five years ago. It has been really hard for me and my family, because she held us together. It has been especially difficult for my dad, because my mom usually had the final say in situations.

My dad remarried a year ago, about the time I left for college. She was nice and made my dad happy, so I was happy.

I came home for summer vacation along with my brother, who was also away at school. During our time home, everything changed. My stepmom now thinks she has the final say in our family. She is constantly getting on me and my brother about everything. I'm trying to make do since I'll be leaving for school in a month, but it can be unbearable at times. I'm afraid I'm going to break any second, and I don't want to hurt my dad. What should I do or say? -- Friction at Home, Cincinnati

DEAR FRICTION AT HOME: Getting along with a stepparent takes time. It is natural for you and your brother to bristle over the way your stepmother is behaving, yet her behavior should not be a surprise. She is playing the same role your mother did for all her years, which is something your father probably has asked her to do.

You should work to establish a relationship with your stepmother. Rather than resign yourself to just "making do," ask her if you can have a candid conversation. Tell her that you are happy that she and your father found each other and are building a life together. Explain that you would like to get to know her better.

Acknowledge that you respect her, but tell her that you do not appreciate the way she bears down so hard on you and your brother. Ask her to choose to build a relationship with you so that you can grow to love each other just as she and your father already do.

Speak to your father as well so that he understands your point of view. Because he was never the one to stand up in these situations, though, it's not likely that he is going to be the assertive one now. A book that may inspire you is "Stepmothers and Stepdaughters" by Karen L. Annarino.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-boyfriend invited me to go to lunch with him and I went, mainly because I miss him. We broke up a few months ago because we were both so busy with school and were not spending enough time together, or at least that's what he told me. When he called to ask me to lunch, I got excited that he wanted to get back together.

When I got to the restaurant, he wasn't alone. It turns out he wanted to introduce me to his fiancee. I was so uncomfortable. I sat quietly and acted nice, but I am devastated. Should I say anything to him? --Brokenhearted, Washington, D.C.

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: Let him go. Spend time with your girlfriends and other loved ones and expunge him from your heart. It's not worth addressing unless he calls you again. Then you can tell him you didn't appreciate the way he broke this news to you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A good friend is coming to stay with me for a week. He is allergic to pretty much everything: dairy, shellfish, nuts, etc. I'm nervous, because I cook with a lot of these foods, and if he even gets in contact with them, his eyes puff up and his throat closes.

I don't want to eat out every night, but how can I work around his allergies? What should I do to prepare for his arrival? -- Nervous Host, New Orleans

DEAR NERVOUS HOST: Talk to your friend. Tell him your concerns, and ask him how you can best ensure that he is safe and well-fed.

Ask him exactly which foods he must avoid and whether there is anything you should remove from your home. Ask if he would like to bring particular foods with him. If he participates in the planning, you should be fine.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My siblings have left for college, and I am the last kid at home. My parents, however, seem to think they are the only ones here, because I have heard them having sex quite frequently and loudly. This often occurs when I come home from soccer practice or even when I'm sleeping.

It's great that they love each other and share that, but I don't want to hear it all the time. They have not only woken me up several times at night, but now I can't hang out in the kitchen with my friends after practice, because their room is right above the kitchen, and it is obvious from the sounds what is going on. I'm embarrassed for my friends and frustrated with my parents.

How do I go about asking them to keep it down? -- Need a Muffler, Jacksonville, Fla.

DEAR NEED A MUFFLER: I bet your parents are completely oblivious to how noisy they are. You are right that it's nice to know they are still into each other; however, their noisiness definitely needs to be curbed.

You are going to have to muster the courage to say something to them. I vote for speaking to them when they are together. You can broach the situation in a lighthearted way: "Mom and Dad, I'm so glad you two are in love, but I need you to keep it down. You keep waking me up at night, and I can't invite my friends over anymore because I'm afraid they will hear you having sex."

It's likely they will be mortified. I can't imagine that they want you to hear them having this kind of fun.

After you tell them, you will probably get some relief from their noise. But if they still make a ruckus, knock on their door, blast some music or make another loud noise that can alert them that they are getting too loud again.