DEAR HARRIETTE: A good friend is coming to stay with me for a week. He is allergic to pretty much everything: dairy, shellfish, nuts, etc. I'm nervous, because I cook with a lot of these foods, and if he even gets in contact with them, his eyes puff up and his throat closes.

I don't want to eat out every night, but how can I work around his allergies? What should I do to prepare for his arrival? -- Nervous Host, New Orleans

DEAR NERVOUS HOST: Talk to your friend. Tell him your concerns, and ask him how you can best ensure that he is safe and well-fed.

Ask him exactly which foods he must avoid and whether there is anything you should remove from your home. Ask if he would like to bring particular foods with him. If he participates in the planning, you should be fine.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My siblings have left for college, and I am the last kid at home. My parents, however, seem to think they are the only ones here, because I have heard them having sex quite frequently and loudly. This often occurs when I come home from soccer practice or even when I'm sleeping.

It's great that they love each other and share that, but I don't want to hear it all the time. They have not only woken me up several times at night, but now I can't hang out in the kitchen with my friends after practice, because their room is right above the kitchen, and it is obvious from the sounds what is going on. I'm embarrassed for my friends and frustrated with my parents.

How do I go about asking them to keep it down? -- Need a Muffler, Jacksonville, Fla.

DEAR NEED A MUFFLER: I bet your parents are completely oblivious to how noisy they are. You are right that it's nice to know they are still into each other; however, their noisiness definitely needs to be curbed.

You are going to have to muster the courage to say something to them. I vote for speaking to them when they are together. You can broach the situation in a lighthearted way: "Mom and Dad, I'm so glad you two are in love, but I need you to keep it down. You keep waking me up at night, and I can't invite my friends over anymore because I'm afraid they will hear you having sex."

It's likely they will be mortified. I can't imagine that they want you to hear them having this kind of fun.

After you tell them, you will probably get some relief from their noise. But if they still make a ruckus, knock on their door, blast some music or make another loud noise that can alert them that they are getting too loud again.

DEAR READERS: Now is the time for all of us to shore up our spiritual selves. I say this in the wake of recent senseless shootings at a movie theater in Colorado and a Sikh temple in Wisconsin. Sadly, by the time this column is published, another random act of violence likely will have harmed or even killed someone.

I ask a seemingly rhetorical question: Why?

Although we cannot know for sure why there seems to be a growing epidemic of indiscriminate acts of violence against innocent people, it is clear that many of us are suffering. People are experiencing pain in so many ways -- financial collapse, loss of employment, health challenges, depression, and loss of love or loved ones. When people are in crisis, they sometimes resort to extreme behaviors. Stress can, and too often does, bring out the worst in people.

Mental health professionals recommend that once you realize you are stressed, it is time to reach out for help. One consultant, Pat Ward (www.patwardconsulting.com), notes that when people are living in stress, they often exhibit behaviors that do not serve them well, such as making excuses, rushing to judgment, complaining and being self-righteous. They usually don't even realize they are behaving badly.

Ward recommends working with a consultant who uses the Birkman Method of personality testing (www.birkman.com) to help you identify how you think and how you can address the way you react. This is particularly helpful when you are crippled by stress.

Other experts recommend seeking spiritual counsel that can support you when you are feeling unsteady. Exercise can help as well.

The point is that we have to turn the tide in our behavior and recognize that we are not alone, that help is at the ready, that we can survive the challenges that come our way. Too often, people isolate themselves when they are feeling down. This is not the best course of action, based on all of the research that I have done with consultants, spiritual advisers and fitness counselors.

Families are grieving all over our nation and beyond because of heartless, violent public outbursts. Let's do all that we can to end this behavior. We can choose to take care of ourselves, remain ever mindful of those around us, and actively offer love to those in our midst.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My office mate went on a planned vacation and had a great time, so great that she stayed an extra week and a half. When she returned, she didn't apologize for her delay in returning. Instead, she chastised me for not completing a project on time. Well, I needed her participation. She had a big role in getting this proposal together. I did my best, but we have different levels of expertise.

Now she's angry, but she doesn't accept any responsibility for her role in this. I feel like I need to address the situation. I'm not mad that she had a good vacation, but I am upset that she shirked her responsibilities and is now blaming me for her actions. -- Teed Off, Detroit

DEAR TEED OFF: By all means, talk to your office mate about what happened. You can genuinely apologize for missing the deadline and then point out that you think the deadline was missed because she did not do her part. Review the timeline that you two had established, and point out where you see discrepancies.

State the obvious -- that your office mate overstayed her vacation and, in turn, was not at the office and focused on the work that she needed to handle. Acknowledge that time off is important but that doing what you agree to do for your job is of equal value.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I think you missed the boat in your reply to "Upgrade My Man" and in telling her ways to encourage her husband to dress better. She is trying to CHANGE him! She is disrespecting him, and he will not like it. She needs to be grateful if she has a good man and leave him alone. If not, some other woman will like him in his sloppy clothes, and he will be drawn to a woman who does not criticize or manipulate him. -- Happily Married Woman, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR HAPPILY MARRIED WOMAN: So many people have commented on this topic that I wanted to add your voice and continue the discussion a bit.

On the one hand, I understand your position that you should not try to "change" your partner. That effort usually ends miserably, primarily because change is tough. Even if a person wants to change, it can be one of the most difficult tasks to complete with success -- whether the change is cosmetic, behavioral or otherwise. Further, the goal in a marriage should not be to change your spouse but instead to offer unconditional love.

I also think, however, that there is nothing wrong with asking your partner to dress up on occasion and do something special together. I don't know why that has to seem like manipulation. And it certainly should not be conveyed as criticism. The way you handle any situation is what's most important.

Should you lose sleep over your husband's sloppy attire? Of course not. But an occasional festive change of clothes doesn't seem to me to be too much to ask.