DEAR HARRIETTE: I am almost certain that my sister stole money from my room. She knows where I hide my money box, and the other day I noticed that it was empty except for some loose coins. I did have $40 in there. It's just the two of us and our parents in our house, and I can't imagine why my parents would steal money from me. My sister, on the other hand, is always shopping. We are both teenagers, but I have a job and she isn't old enough to have one yet. I want to ask her about it, but I think she will probably lie. What should I do? I want my money. -- Victim, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR VICTIM: Tell your mom what happened -- that you had $40 in your money box and it is missing. Ask if she knows anything about it. Tell her your suspicions, and ask her to help you address them.

By talking it out with your mother, you will be able to vent your frustration with an adult who can help you to calm down. If she knows anything about the situation, she will tell you. She will also give you her opinion about your sister and her potential actions.

When you ask your sister about the missing cash, do your best not to be accusatory. You can tell her what happened and ask her if she knows anything about it. If you remain neutral in your questioning and if she took the money, she may be willing to tell you. For example, she may believe she borrowed it and intended to replace it right away. If she admits "borrowing" the money, ask her to give it back to you immediately.

Find a better hiding place for your money. Now may be the perfect time to ask your mother to open a bank account for you if you don't already have one.

DEAR HARRIETTE: There is only one good solution for "Outraged" who is tired of rude and pushy shoppers ... RUN from "Yankee Land" as quickly as possible and come to the genteel South, where life moves more slowly and certainly more politely! You would never leave! Born a "Southern belle" and will die one! -- Belle, Shreveport, La.

DEAR BELLE: Oh, I couldn't resist running your letter! I'm sure that Northerners would beg to differ with you. Of course, there are well-behaved people above the Mason-Dixon line, but I absolutely love your invitation.

Let's use your invitation of hospitality as a challenge to everyone to choose to be polite. Wherever you live, you can choose that option. Imagine how much more easeful the world would be.

And, per your invitation, we might all enjoy a visit to your great town. Thanks for writing.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife and your reader (who wants her husband to dress up more) are birds of a feather. I dress in bib overalls -- sometimes worn and patched or sometimes "ironed and new," but bib overalls, nevertheless. I keep them clean and "presentable." I also have a college education, sometimes a beard, and I am a millionaire, and I can dress any way I wish. I am retired, owe money to no one and do not care about my appearance. I can and do dress well when I choose to -- or not. The lady's husband and I need nothing to prove or to identify us. Our personage is built in and needs no clothing. This is not the military. We do not need to carry our rank on our sleeves. -- Comfortable in Northern Wisconsin

DEAR COMFORTABLE: Thank you for writing in to defend a man's right to dress the way he pleases. Your letter reflects your confidence completely, including your lack of need to be identified with how you present yourself.

What's interesting is that you infer that your wife would appreciate your dressing up more often. I would like to challenge you by saying that while there is clearly no requirement for you to care about your appearance, if it would make your wife happy, it might be a choice you should make more often -- to please her.

In a marriage, many factors figure in to both partners feeling loved and appreciated. If stepping out of the bib overalls and into a sport coat on occasion would brighten your wife's day, you may want to consider it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am about to leave my summer job to go back to school, and I'm feeling sad. I have become good friends with the other people who work at the camp where I have worked as a counselor. We all live in different parts of the country, and I feel like we are just going to go our separate ways and that will be that. Part of me wants to stay in touch with them, but I don't know how practical this is. We are all in college and have busy lives. I want to ask them if we can stay in touch, but I'm afraid I will get my feelings hurt if I ask and they don't want to do it or don't follow up. Should I just keep my idea to myself or go for it? -- Sad to Go, Boston

DEAR SAD TO GO: It's wonderful that you forged positive bonds with your co-workers. I definitely think you should say as much and let your new friends know that you would like to stay in touch. Be honest and express your concern that your lives might be too busy to keep connected, but offer that you would like to try. Get their contact information and be the first to reach out. Don't expect them to communicate all the time. When you think of one another, send a note or make a call.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a widow, and I like my married surname from my deceased husband. I am remarried and want to hyphenate my new married name with my previous married name. Is this appropriate? -- What's in a Name, Detroit

DEAR WHAT'S IN A NAME: There is no hard-and-fast rule about what to call yourself when you remarry. Many women who have been married a long time and who feel closely identified with their married surname keep that name and/or hyphenate it upon remarriage, reagardless of whether they were widowed or divorced. This may be true for you and, if so, it is perfectly acceptable.

I recommend that you speak to your husband about your decision and ensure that he understands your reason for the hyphenation. It would have been best to have discussed this before marriage, but since you didn't, by all means, address it now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just finished reading your response to the woman who is constantly being shoved in the store by rude customers. I have encountered these problems also, and I think your advice was fantastic!

Sometimes people ARE unaware of what they are doing. By speaking to them in a (somewhat) loud, soothing voice, they will react in a positive manner, and most respond and say they are sorry. Acting in kindness is a sure way to defuse a situation that could turn out negative. Also, your kind attitude may influence them to be more aware in the future. Thank you for your positive energy! -- Staying Up, Washington, D.C.

DEAR STAYING UP: All of us have a choice in how we react to situations that present themselves. Of course, it can be incredibly difficult to resist arguing or becoming agitated or hostile when someone treats you rudely. It is a natural instinct to want to lash out and defend yourself. Although it may be tough to stay calm and to try to redirect the negative energy in moments like this, it is the better option. In my experience, the way to turn the tide begins with the moment of awareness. When you realize you have a choice, you can decide not to engage in destructive, knee-jerk behavior.

I am reading a wonderful book about the art of communication that would be perfect for all of us. It's called "Conversation Transformation: Recognize and Overcome the 6 Most Destructive Communication Patterns," by Ben Benjamin. It has examples of situations where people find themselves ready to engage in verbal warfare and suggestions for how to defuse the moment and artfully create the space for effective communication. I highly recommend reading it.