DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife and your reader (who wants her husband to dress up more) are birds of a feather. I dress in bib overalls -- sometimes worn and patched or sometimes "ironed and new," but bib overalls, nevertheless. I keep them clean and "presentable." I also have a college education, sometimes a beard, and I am a millionaire, and I can dress any way I wish. I am retired, owe money to no one and do not care about my appearance. I can and do dress well when I choose to -- or not. The lady's husband and I need nothing to prove or to identify us. Our personage is built in and needs no clothing. This is not the military. We do not need to carry our rank on our sleeves. -- Comfortable in Northern Wisconsin

DEAR COMFORTABLE: Thank you for writing in to defend a man's right to dress the way he pleases. Your letter reflects your confidence completely, including your lack of need to be identified with how you present yourself.

What's interesting is that you infer that your wife would appreciate your dressing up more often. I would like to challenge you by saying that while there is clearly no requirement for you to care about your appearance, if it would make your wife happy, it might be a choice you should make more often -- to please her.

In a marriage, many factors figure in to both partners feeling loved and appreciated. If stepping out of the bib overalls and into a sport coat on occasion would brighten your wife's day, you may want to consider it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am about to leave my summer job to go back to school, and I'm feeling sad. I have become good friends with the other people who work at the camp where I have worked as a counselor. We all live in different parts of the country, and I feel like we are just going to go our separate ways and that will be that. Part of me wants to stay in touch with them, but I don't know how practical this is. We are all in college and have busy lives. I want to ask them if we can stay in touch, but I'm afraid I will get my feelings hurt if I ask and they don't want to do it or don't follow up. Should I just keep my idea to myself or go for it? -- Sad to Go, Boston

DEAR SAD TO GO: It's wonderful that you forged positive bonds with your co-workers. I definitely think you should say as much and let your new friends know that you would like to stay in touch. Be honest and express your concern that your lives might be too busy to keep connected, but offer that you would like to try. Get their contact information and be the first to reach out. Don't expect them to communicate all the time. When you think of one another, send a note or make a call.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a widow, and I like my married surname from my deceased husband. I am remarried and want to hyphenate my new married name with my previous married name. Is this appropriate? -- What's in a Name, Detroit

DEAR WHAT'S IN A NAME: There is no hard-and-fast rule about what to call yourself when you remarry. Many women who have been married a long time and who feel closely identified with their married surname keep that name and/or hyphenate it upon remarriage, reagardless of whether they were widowed or divorced. This may be true for you and, if so, it is perfectly acceptable.

I recommend that you speak to your husband about your decision and ensure that he understands your reason for the hyphenation. It would have been best to have discussed this before marriage, but since you didn't, by all means, address it now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just finished reading your response to the woman who is constantly being shoved in the store by rude customers. I have encountered these problems also, and I think your advice was fantastic!

Sometimes people ARE unaware of what they are doing. By speaking to them in a (somewhat) loud, soothing voice, they will react in a positive manner, and most respond and say they are sorry. Acting in kindness is a sure way to defuse a situation that could turn out negative. Also, your kind attitude may influence them to be more aware in the future. Thank you for your positive energy! -- Staying Up, Washington, D.C.

DEAR STAYING UP: All of us have a choice in how we react to situations that present themselves. Of course, it can be incredibly difficult to resist arguing or becoming agitated or hostile when someone treats you rudely. It is a natural instinct to want to lash out and defend yourself. Although it may be tough to stay calm and to try to redirect the negative energy in moments like this, it is the better option. In my experience, the way to turn the tide begins with the moment of awareness. When you realize you have a choice, you can decide not to engage in destructive, knee-jerk behavior.

I am reading a wonderful book about the art of communication that would be perfect for all of us. It's called "Conversation Transformation: Recognize and Overcome the 6 Most Destructive Communication Patterns," by Ben Benjamin. It has examples of situations where people find themselves ready to engage in verbal warfare and suggestions for how to defuse the moment and artfully create the space for effective communication. I highly recommend reading it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a 40-year-old man, and I do not know how to swim. I love going to the beach, and I go to the aquatic center in my neighborhood regularly just to wade in the water. I know swimming is a great form of exercise, and I want to learn how to swim, but I am afraid of drowning. How can I overcome that fear? -- Aquaphobic, Newark, N.J.

DEAR AQUAPHOBIC: First, I want you to know that you are not alone. There are plenty of men and women your age who cannot swim. There are also plenty of people your age who learn how to swim. It is possible to overcome your fear.

The best way to learn to swim is to take a class. Do your research and find a Red Cross-certified swim teacher. There are courses at the YMCA and at local community centers that have pools -- and these are usually affordable. Also, some gyms with pools offer swimming instruction.

With the help of a licensed swimming instructor, you can gain the benefit, safety and freedom of being a capable swimmer. It will take time.

Go for it!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am having a tough time dating. I think men are scared to date me because I am a female detective in the sex-crimes department of a major police department in the United States.

I recently had a date with a wonderful man, and we had a great time enjoying each other's company. During the date, the gentleman asked me what I do for a living. I did not answer him, as I was afraid he would run away like the rest of the men I've tried to date in times past.

How do I explain my occupation to this gentleman without him running away? -- Police Officer, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR POLICE OFFICER: Ease into the conversation. Start by saying you work for the city. Change the subject and get him to talk about himself. Usually people are so consumed by telling their own stories that a whole date can go by without doubling back to your story.

Focus your conversations on fun. What do you enjoy in life? What are your extracurricular activities? What makes you happy? Tell him about things that make you smile, and find out things about him.

Next, tell him that you are a police officer. You can talk about your training, what you enjoyed about the educational process and other women in the field. Be vague about the specifics of your particular job. You can even go so far as to say that you would rather not talk about it in detail: It's a job. You enjoy it, and you love serving your city. But you also love being away from work and enjoying time with friends.

After you spend enough time together to determine that you like each other, then you can reveal more details. If he has truly grown to like you, it shouldn't matter.