DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a 40-year-old man, and I do not know how to swim. I love going to the beach, and I go to the aquatic center in my neighborhood regularly just to wade in the water. I know swimming is a great form of exercise, and I want to learn how to swim, but I am afraid of drowning. How can I overcome that fear? -- Aquaphobic, Newark, N.J.

DEAR AQUAPHOBIC: First, I want you to know that you are not alone. There are plenty of men and women your age who cannot swim. There are also plenty of people your age who learn how to swim. It is possible to overcome your fear.

The best way to learn to swim is to take a class. Do your research and find a Red Cross-certified swim teacher. There are courses at the YMCA and at local community centers that have pools -- and these are usually affordable. Also, some gyms with pools offer swimming instruction.

With the help of a licensed swimming instructor, you can gain the benefit, safety and freedom of being a capable swimmer. It will take time.

Go for it!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am having a tough time dating. I think men are scared to date me because I am a female detective in the sex-crimes department of a major police department in the United States.

I recently had a date with a wonderful man, and we had a great time enjoying each other's company. During the date, the gentleman asked me what I do for a living. I did not answer him, as I was afraid he would run away like the rest of the men I've tried to date in times past.

How do I explain my occupation to this gentleman without him running away? -- Police Officer, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR POLICE OFFICER: Ease into the conversation. Start by saying you work for the city. Change the subject and get him to talk about himself. Usually people are so consumed by telling their own stories that a whole date can go by without doubling back to your story.

Focus your conversations on fun. What do you enjoy in life? What are your extracurricular activities? What makes you happy? Tell him about things that make you smile, and find out things about him.

Next, tell him that you are a police officer. You can talk about your training, what you enjoyed about the educational process and other women in the field. Be vague about the specifics of your particular job. You can even go so far as to say that you would rather not talk about it in detail: It's a job. You enjoy it, and you love serving your city. But you also love being away from work and enjoying time with friends.

After you spend enough time together to determine that you like each other, then you can reveal more details. If he has truly grown to like you, it shouldn't matter.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been married for three years, and in that time we have been on only one vacation together, not including our honeymoon. Our current work schedules will not allow us to take a vacation together, so we take separate vacations.

We do have at least one weekend a month when we are off together. Maybe we could schedule a monthly getaway. What are your thoughts? -- Work and Marriage, Salt Lake City

DEAR WORK AND MARRIAGE: How about planning weekend excursions once a month instead of going away on separate vacations? Use the money you would spend on individual trips to do something really exciting and fun together. So what if it's for only two days or an occasional long weekend? What you want is quality time together.

Suggest to your husband that you rent a fancy hotel room outside the city or go on a weekend ski trip. Research entertainment options in and around your city to find other activities you both would enjoy. Once you plan a winning trip, both of you will look forward to the next one.

By all means, make time for each other. It will help you stay happily married.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have just found out that my family is moving to Arizona from New York. I have lived in New York for my whole life, and I have made very close friends.

I don't move until next year, but I am worried that if I tell my friends now, they won't want to be friends anymore because they will have the mindset that I am moving. Should I wait until a few months before I move, or should I tell them now? If I do tell them, how do I make sure they will keep being my friends? -- On the Move, Bronxville, N.Y.

DEAR ON THE MOVE: Change your mindset. I bet the reason your parents told you a year in advance about your move is to get you and your friends acclimated to the idea. Your friends are your support system. You should definitely tell them and then talk to them about your mixed emotions. Instead of focusing on the possibility of losing them, use the remaining months you have together to enjoy maximum good times. Talk to them about the many ways you can stay in touch. Now that we have so many social media outlets, it doesn't have to be difficult. You can text, email, call and Skype.

Plus, if you start planning now, your friends can ask their parents if they can schedule vacations when they might come to Arizona to visit. Likewise, you can ask your parents if they would be willing to come back to New York from time to time.

Assume the positive about the next chapter of your life, and don't assume that you have to give up your friends to enjoy it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend since childhood has been telling me stories about her crazy nights out, where she takes part in drinking and drugs. She also has told me that her grades at school have dropped, but she shrugs it off as if it is cool. Our families are so close, and I know her mother and father are constantly worried about the people she goes out with and what she does.

My question is, do I help her parents and talk to her about her wild behavior, even though it would risk our friendship? Or do I let the parents handle it by themselves? -- Concerned Friend, Gallup, N.M.

DEAR CONCERNED FRIEND: This is a time when I believe friendship calls for sticking out your neck. If you truly love your friend, you have to talk to her about what's going on. You may end up being the one person she can hear through all of the confusion that she, no doubt, is experiencing.

Since she has confided in you, she has given you permission to respond to her. Without judgment, express your concern. Tell her how much you love her and how worried you are about her recent choices. You can tell her that you know she thinks her actions are "cool," but remind her that her life is more important than that momentary feeling.

Ask if she would be willing to hang out with you sometimes. Try to lure her away from her current activities with other fun options.

The toughest action I want you to take is to report to her parents what you have learned. Could it risk your friendship? Yes, but it also could save your friend's life. Tell her parents you want to help. The website www.drugfree.org offers helpful information and support.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister's birthday is coming up, and she is turning 16. It is a big deal in our family, and we are all expected to buy her a gift. I love to shop, but I am a terrible gift buyer. On top of that, I am a student on a budget. What is a good but affordable present I could get her? -- Empty-Handed, Larchmont, N.Y.

DEAR EMPTY-HANDED: I bet you are a great shopper -- for yourself. The key to being a great shopper for someone else is to make that person top of mind.

Use yourself as an example. If you were going to buy a gift for yourself on a very limited budget, what would you buy? What would you appreciate? Think about this carefully.

Now translate that thinking to your sister. What is her personality like? What makes her happy? What does she like to do?

You could get her a gift certificate -- in any amount you can afford -- to the local movie theater or beauty products store. Another option is an iTunes gift card. One time I bought a friend a packet of gold pencils. They cost a few dollars, but I knew she would love them because at the time, she was obsessed with metallic gold.

Thinking about your sister will lead you to an appropriate gift for her.