DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom had a big job at a top retail company for years. She traveled internationally and was, by all accounts, a big shot. She was fired from her job the other day, and now I am worried about her. She has worked so hard on her career and is so identified with her job. I don't know what she's going to do.

My mom was the principal breadwinner, even though my dad works. I think she and my dad have enough money, at least for now. But it's not the money; it's her. She seems so sad. What can I do to help her feel better? I'm a college student, and she always tries to be there for me when I'm sad. -- Worried, New York

DEAR WORRIED: What makes your mom smile? Think about her favorite foods and favorite activities. While you are at home this summer, invite her to do fun things with you. This may be a chance to spend quality time with your mother that you wouldn't otherwise have because she would have been so busy. Ask your mom to take a break with you and just have fun. Ideas include a day at the spa, a walk in Central Park, going to the movies, hanging out at home or cooking for the family. Pamper her.

You can also trust that your mother will find her way. Anyone who gets fired stings for a bit afterward. But your mother didn't achieve her level of success without being tough and strategic. She will appreciate your tender loving care right now. And she will be back on her feet soon.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I don't have trouble with dating or settling down, but I'm a career-driven woman who won't let anyone put a ring on it.

A good friend alerted me that I may be "selling myself short" by not considering people as lifelong partners. He said I would be lonely by being "picky." I'm afraid that he may be right. I've definitely heard this before, especially from my mother. But I was raised to keep focused on my career; the husband and family will come later.

Now two of my exes, who were absolutely crazy about me, have proposed to their girlfriends, and one of them is expecting a baby. I thought, what if that were me? Am I focusing too hard on success? Will I be that woman who turns 35 and is still looking for the perfect mate?

I'm a 30-year-old woman who has it going on: I have good credit, a nice house and a high-paying job. What more could a woman ask for? It would be nice to have a family, but my career is my priority. -- Successful But Lonely, Miami

DEAR SUCCESSFUL BUT LONELY: You have conflicting views that are making it difficult for you to think clearly about your future. You say you have no trouble settling down, but the rest of your letter suggests that you do.

Clearly, you have been focused on your career. Do you envision yourself creating space for a partner to share your life? What compromises might you be willing to make to welcome someone into your world in that way?

I recommend that you write a list of the qualities you are looking for in a life partner. What appeals to you in a partner? What type of person would you like to share your life, as you share his? Be specific about your desires.

Also, consider your apprehension. Be clear about who you think you are and what you find important in your life as it relates to a family.

None of this means that you should "settle" for someone who doesn't appeal to you. It does mean that you need to get your priorities straight so that you know what you want in a partner and so that you become the partner that person would welcome.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 19-year-old niece just confided in me that she had sex with a young man kind of randomly. The affair is over, and I'm so glad she felt she could talk to me about it. We talked candidly about how exciting the experience probably was and also how dangerous -- for health, emotional and developmental reasons. She gets it. She also said she had already told her mother.

I'm wondering if I should bring it up to her mother, too. Or is it better to not stir the pot but remain available to my niece to talk about her life? We have always had a good relationship. She is headed off to college, and I want her to know that I am always there for her. -- To Stir or Not to Stir, Cincinnati

DEAR TO STIR OR NOT TO STIR: I have learned from firsthand experience that children and young people often feel more comfortable talking about intimacies with adults who are not their parents. That's why godparents and close family friends are important. That African proverb, "It takes a village to raise a child," is real. Consider yourself part of your niece's village.

I don't think you need to call your niece's mother to report what you learned. Rather, you can let her know that you are developing a great rapport with her daughter and that you intend to maintain that closeness while your niece is at school. If ever you believe your niece is in danger, however, you absolutely should tell her mother.

As you cultivate your relationship with your niece, know that if you give a little, you may get a lot. Be prepared to tell stories about your life -- when they are appropriate to the moment -- so that your niece can see how choices affect the future. Make sure you have processed your stories and understand their meaning before you share.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I run a small company that has a relatively casual dress code. Normally we are quite lenient with the way the staff dresses, but as the summer has gotten hotter, the attire has become too bare. Now it's really out of control. Several female employees have worn hot pants, super-low-cut tops and sheer clothes. The young men have begun to sag their pants way below the professional line.

I don't want to come off as an uptight boss, but their attire is distracting. How can I address this, given that we have no written dress code and I haven't said anything before? -- Wardrobe Malfunction, Seattle

DEAR WARDROBE MALFUNCTION: It's never too late to establish ground rules for your company. Since this is new, however, I recommend that you acknowledge as much.

Call a staff meeting. Start by thanking your team members for their hard work. Point out specific positives about their efforts. Then tell them that you do have one concern: how relaxed work attire has become.

Tell them you are instituting a new dress code and outline the parameters, including no sagging, no hot pants, etc. Specify what casual professional attire means to you and ask them to comply.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The letter signed "Standing Up for a Friend" and your response really hit home. You said, "It's important for people who have been humiliated to have someone who loves them and supports them through it."

How true! Back in the first grade, I was accused of ruining another student's artwork. (Someone had scribbled with crayon on the baskets we were learning to weave.) I didn't do it, but the teacher said I did and wouldn't believe my denials. She threatened to send me back into kindergarten if I didn't tell her the truth, and she told another teacher who saw us talking in the hall that "this little girl was bad and won't admit it."

The next morning, she punished me by making me scribble on a piece of drawing paper with crayons. I cried all morning, and when we broke to go home for lunch, she told me, "This afternoon, you scribble some more."

I cried all the way home and threw myself into my mother's arms. I begged not to go back that afternoon, and she agreed after hearing my story. However, she called the school office and made an appointment with the principal.

The next morning, we were in the principal's office. A little calmer now, I related my story and repeated my denial. My mother didn't say one word until I was through. Then she said, "My daughter doesn't lie to me, and she's got two younger brothers and doesn't do anything like that at home. Why would she do it in school?"

The principal asked us to wait. She was gone a good 25 minutes, then returned and said, "Take your daughter home. It's been taken care of."

Nothing more was ever said -- but Mom loved me enough to go to the wall and support me in this. Incidentally, this was the very early '60s, when adults were usually right and kids were wrong. Mom believed in all her children and stood up for us whenever it counted. -- Grateful Daughter, Chicago

DEAR GRATEFUL DAUGHTER: Thank you for sharing this story. That you remember it in such detail proves how powerful it can be to have someone, especially a parent, stand up for you. Too often, children are not believed when authority figures are involved.

Of course, trust is based on actions. Your mother had evidence of your character outside of the incident in question and was able to tell the principal how you behaved with your siblings.

Your story can serve as inspiration for many who may feel alone and unsupported. It is possible to have a relationship with a parent or other loved one who will believe in you. I highly recommend that everyone develop at least one relationship with a family member or friend who knows you well enough to vouch for your character in times of need.