DEAR HARRIETTE: My 19-year-old niece just confided in me that she had sex with a young man kind of randomly. The affair is over, and I'm so glad she felt she could talk to me about it. We talked candidly about how exciting the experience probably was and also how dangerous -- for health, emotional and developmental reasons. She gets it. She also said she had already told her mother.

I'm wondering if I should bring it up to her mother, too. Or is it better to not stir the pot but remain available to my niece to talk about her life? We have always had a good relationship. She is headed off to college, and I want her to know that I am always there for her. -- To Stir or Not to Stir, Cincinnati

DEAR TO STIR OR NOT TO STIR: I have learned from firsthand experience that children and young people often feel more comfortable talking about intimacies with adults who are not their parents. That's why godparents and close family friends are important. That African proverb, "It takes a village to raise a child," is real. Consider yourself part of your niece's village.

I don't think you need to call your niece's mother to report what you learned. Rather, you can let her know that you are developing a great rapport with her daughter and that you intend to maintain that closeness while your niece is at school. If ever you believe your niece is in danger, however, you absolutely should tell her mother.

As you cultivate your relationship with your niece, know that if you give a little, you may get a lot. Be prepared to tell stories about your life -- when they are appropriate to the moment -- so that your niece can see how choices affect the future. Make sure you have processed your stories and understand their meaning before you share.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I run a small company that has a relatively casual dress code. Normally we are quite lenient with the way the staff dresses, but as the summer has gotten hotter, the attire has become too bare. Now it's really out of control. Several female employees have worn hot pants, super-low-cut tops and sheer clothes. The young men have begun to sag their pants way below the professional line.

I don't want to come off as an uptight boss, but their attire is distracting. How can I address this, given that we have no written dress code and I haven't said anything before? -- Wardrobe Malfunction, Seattle

DEAR WARDROBE MALFUNCTION: It's never too late to establish ground rules for your company. Since this is new, however, I recommend that you acknowledge as much.

Call a staff meeting. Start by thanking your team members for their hard work. Point out specific positives about their efforts. Then tell them that you do have one concern: how relaxed work attire has become.

Tell them you are instituting a new dress code and outline the parameters, including no sagging, no hot pants, etc. Specify what casual professional attire means to you and ask them to comply.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The letter signed "Standing Up for a Friend" and your response really hit home. You said, "It's important for people who have been humiliated to have someone who loves them and supports them through it."

How true! Back in the first grade, I was accused of ruining another student's artwork. (Someone had scribbled with crayon on the baskets we were learning to weave.) I didn't do it, but the teacher said I did and wouldn't believe my denials. She threatened to send me back into kindergarten if I didn't tell her the truth, and she told another teacher who saw us talking in the hall that "this little girl was bad and won't admit it."

The next morning, she punished me by making me scribble on a piece of drawing paper with crayons. I cried all morning, and when we broke to go home for lunch, she told me, "This afternoon, you scribble some more."

I cried all the way home and threw myself into my mother's arms. I begged not to go back that afternoon, and she agreed after hearing my story. However, she called the school office and made an appointment with the principal.

The next morning, we were in the principal's office. A little calmer now, I related my story and repeated my denial. My mother didn't say one word until I was through. Then she said, "My daughter doesn't lie to me, and she's got two younger brothers and doesn't do anything like that at home. Why would she do it in school?"

The principal asked us to wait. She was gone a good 25 minutes, then returned and said, "Take your daughter home. It's been taken care of."

Nothing more was ever said -- but Mom loved me enough to go to the wall and support me in this. Incidentally, this was the very early '60s, when adults were usually right and kids were wrong. Mom believed in all her children and stood up for us whenever it counted. -- Grateful Daughter, Chicago

DEAR GRATEFUL DAUGHTER: Thank you for sharing this story. That you remember it in such detail proves how powerful it can be to have someone, especially a parent, stand up for you. Too often, children are not believed when authority figures are involved.

Of course, trust is based on actions. Your mother had evidence of your character outside of the incident in question and was able to tell the principal how you behaved with your siblings.

Your story can serve as inspiration for many who may feel alone and unsupported. It is possible to have a relationship with a parent or other loved one who will believe in you. I highly recommend that everyone develop at least one relationship with a family member or friend who knows you well enough to vouch for your character in times of need.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 10-year-old daughter is going away to her first sleepaway camp. She is so excited about going, but I'm nervous and worried about letting my baby girl go away for a week. I listen to the news and hear about inappropriate behavior from camp counselors. Maybe it's just my nerves, but I want to know how I can ensure that my child will be taken care of while she is at sleepaway camp. -- Mama Bear, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR MAMA BEAR: Firsts are often tough, especially for parents, so the feelings you are having are normal. However, you can take measures to ensure that your child is safe.

Visit the camp before you send your child there. Talk to the administrative staff about the activities, the process for screening counselors, the procedures regarding campers' physical and emotional safety, and the way campers are taught to reach out in case of emergency. Ask specifically about sexual indiscretion and whether there have been any incidents of abuse at the camp.

Talk to your administrative contact about your child and any idiosyncrasies she may have. Find out when parents can visit. Then relax. Don't make your daughter nervous about her experience. Empower her with an understanding of how camp works. Tell her that she will have a great time and that you will come immediately if she needs you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: It's been nearly one year since our mother's passing, and I would like for my family to do something special in her honor. My mother was a big fan of "Benji movies," and she loved to eat butter-pecan ice cream. My mother really enjoyed the simple things in life, and I would like to do something fun and filled with laughter. Do you have any suggestions for how we can celebrate her life? -- Mama's Boy, Chicago

DEAR MAMA'S BOY: The one-year anniversary is a pivotal time for a family. I'm sure that you have many fond memories of your mother, mixed with continued pangs of loss.

Your idea for celebrating her life with the people who were important to her is a good one. Why not invite family members and loved ones to come over for movie night and memories of your mom? You may want to ask guests to bring a favorite dish and/or a story about your mother. That way, everyone has a vested interest in the evening.

Play one of the movies that your mother enjoyed and pause it for conversation, storytelling and camaraderie. Serve her favorite foods, including that butter-pecan ice cream. Provide a few pens and blank books, and invite loved ones to write down memories of your mother. Cherish her memory.