life

First-Grade Drama Teaches a Life Lesson

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 8th, 2012

DEAR HARRIETTE: The letter signed "Standing Up for a Friend" and your response really hit home. You said, "It's important for people who have been humiliated to have someone who loves them and supports them through it."

How true! Back in the first grade, I was accused of ruining another student's artwork. (Someone had scribbled with crayon on the baskets we were learning to weave.) I didn't do it, but the teacher said I did and wouldn't believe my denials. She threatened to send me back into kindergarten if I didn't tell her the truth, and she told another teacher who saw us talking in the hall that "this little girl was bad and won't admit it."

The next morning, she punished me by making me scribble on a piece of drawing paper with crayons. I cried all morning, and when we broke to go home for lunch, she told me, "This afternoon, you scribble some more."

I cried all the way home and threw myself into my mother's arms. I begged not to go back that afternoon, and she agreed after hearing my story. However, she called the school office and made an appointment with the principal.

The next morning, we were in the principal's office. A little calmer now, I related my story and repeated my denial. My mother didn't say one word until I was through. Then she said, "My daughter doesn't lie to me, and she's got two younger brothers and doesn't do anything like that at home. Why would she do it in school?"

The principal asked us to wait. She was gone a good 25 minutes, then returned and said, "Take your daughter home. It's been taken care of."

Nothing more was ever said -- but Mom loved me enough to go to the wall and support me in this. Incidentally, this was the very early '60s, when adults were usually right and kids were wrong. Mom believed in all her children and stood up for us whenever it counted. -- Grateful Daughter, Chicago

DEAR GRATEFUL DAUGHTER: Thank you for sharing this story. That you remember it in such detail proves how powerful it can be to have someone, especially a parent, stand up for you. Too often, children are not believed when authority figures are involved.

Of course, trust is based on actions. Your mother had evidence of your character outside of the incident in question and was able to tell the principal how you behaved with your siblings.

Your story can serve as inspiration for many who may feel alone and unsupported. It is possible to have a relationship with a parent or other loved one who will believe in you. I highly recommend that everyone develop at least one relationship with a family member or friend who knows you well enough to vouch for your character in times of need.

life

Camp Should Be Fun, Not Frightening

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 7th, 2012

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 10-year-old daughter is going away to her first sleepaway camp. She is so excited about going, but I'm nervous and worried about letting my baby girl go away for a week. I listen to the news and hear about inappropriate behavior from camp counselors. Maybe it's just my nerves, but I want to know how I can ensure that my child will be taken care of while she is at sleepaway camp. -- Mama Bear, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR MAMA BEAR: Firsts are often tough, especially for parents, so the feelings you are having are normal. However, you can take measures to ensure that your child is safe.

Visit the camp before you send your child there. Talk to the administrative staff about the activities, the process for screening counselors, the procedures regarding campers' physical and emotional safety, and the way campers are taught to reach out in case of emergency. Ask specifically about sexual indiscretion and whether there have been any incidents of abuse at the camp.

Talk to your administrative contact about your child and any idiosyncrasies she may have. Find out when parents can visit. Then relax. Don't make your daughter nervous about her experience. Empower her with an understanding of how camp works. Tell her that she will have a great time and that you will come immediately if she needs you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: It's been nearly one year since our mother's passing, and I would like for my family to do something special in her honor. My mother was a big fan of "Benji movies," and she loved to eat butter-pecan ice cream. My mother really enjoyed the simple things in life, and I would like to do something fun and filled with laughter. Do you have any suggestions for how we can celebrate her life? -- Mama's Boy, Chicago

DEAR MAMA'S BOY: The one-year anniversary is a pivotal time for a family. I'm sure that you have many fond memories of your mother, mixed with continued pangs of loss.

Your idea for celebrating her life with the people who were important to her is a good one. Why not invite family members and loved ones to come over for movie night and memories of your mom? You may want to ask guests to bring a favorite dish and/or a story about your mother. That way, everyone has a vested interest in the evening.

Play one of the movies that your mother enjoyed and pause it for conversation, storytelling and camaraderie. Serve her favorite foods, including that butter-pecan ice cream. Provide a few pens and blank books, and invite loved ones to write down memories of your mother. Cherish her memory.

life

Parents Can Use Penn State as a Teaching Tool

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | August 6th, 2012

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have two "tween-age" children who have noticed the news stories about sex abuse at Penn State. Even though I try to shield them from certain things, this has flooded the news. Now they are asking me a lot of questions. I'm not sure how to explain this egregious behavior. What should I tell them about the offenses and how to protect themselves? -- Worried Sick, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR WORRIED SICK: This is a horrible story that continues to play out on the national stage. But I think the crimes give us an opportunity to talk to our children and better protect them from predators.

Start by asking your children what they have heard about this situation and what their thoughts are. Ask if they understand the crimes that were committed. Listen to them to learn how complete their understanding is.

Tell them that in this situation, a man whom these young people trusted violated their bodies. Remind them of the sacredness of their bodies and of how important it is to walk away from anyone who may want to violate them in any way. Be specific with your children about what other people can and cannot do to them; emphasize that no one should be touching their private parts.

Because they are tweens, they may have entered the stage where they are aware of themselves as sexual beings. Talk to them about their feelings and their developing bodies.

DEAR HARRIETTE: All of my son's friends have taken big vacations this summer. I am a single mom, and with my work hours getting cut, I haven't had enough money this year to take a trip. Even though summer is almost over, I want to do something special for my son. I know that when he goes back to school, he will appreciate being able to say something about his summer. What can I do that isn't expensive? -- Need a Vacation, Washington, D.C.

DEAR NEED A VACATION: You live in a city that is visited by tourists from all over the world. What's often true, though, is that people who live in such destination cities do not visit the tourist attractions.

Why don't you and your son become tourists and explore Washington, D.C., for a few days? Ask your son to help you select places to visit, such as the National Mall, the Lincoln Memorial, the U.S. Capitol, the White House and the museums that interest you. You will have to schedule tours for some of these national treasures, but there's a good chance that you can get in before summer is over. Many tour companies sell bus-tour packages and other prearranged experiences. I looked online and found dozens of options.

Take a camera and a journal and make it an adventure!

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