DEAR HARRIETTE: I have two "tween-age" children who have noticed the news stories about sex abuse at Penn State. Even though I try to shield them from certain things, this has flooded the news. Now they are asking me a lot of questions. I'm not sure how to explain this egregious behavior. What should I tell them about the offenses and how to protect themselves? -- Worried Sick, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR WORRIED SICK: This is a horrible story that continues to play out on the national stage. But I think the crimes give us an opportunity to talk to our children and better protect them from predators.

Start by asking your children what they have heard about this situation and what their thoughts are. Ask if they understand the crimes that were committed. Listen to them to learn how complete their understanding is.

Tell them that in this situation, a man whom these young people trusted violated their bodies. Remind them of the sacredness of their bodies and of how important it is to walk away from anyone who may want to violate them in any way. Be specific with your children about what other people can and cannot do to them; emphasize that no one should be touching their private parts.

Because they are tweens, they may have entered the stage where they are aware of themselves as sexual beings. Talk to them about their feelings and their developing bodies.

DEAR HARRIETTE: All of my son's friends have taken big vacations this summer. I am a single mom, and with my work hours getting cut, I haven't had enough money this year to take a trip. Even though summer is almost over, I want to do something special for my son. I know that when he goes back to school, he will appreciate being able to say something about his summer. What can I do that isn't expensive? -- Need a Vacation, Washington, D.C.

DEAR NEED A VACATION: You live in a city that is visited by tourists from all over the world. What's often true, though, is that people who live in such destination cities do not visit the tourist attractions.

Why don't you and your son become tourists and explore Washington, D.C., for a few days? Ask your son to help you select places to visit, such as the National Mall, the Lincoln Memorial, the U.S. Capitol, the White House and the museums that interest you. You will have to schedule tours for some of these national treasures, but there's a good chance that you can get in before summer is over. Many tour companies sell bus-tour packages and other prearranged experiences. I looked online and found dozens of options.

Take a camera and a journal and make it an adventure!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 21 years old and have gone through hell and high water for my mother. We were homeless for nine years after she lost her big government job and, of course, her friends and family bailed on her. (Isn't that always the case?) Since then, I have always stuck by her and bailed her out of whatever nonsense she got herself into. I made sure she had everything she needed (food, clean clothes, a roof over her head, etc.), and I was basically her advocate at social services when they denied her help.

Her life is back to normal (she's now retired and disabled), but she is so used to me taking care of her now that she won't care for herself. I'm beyond frustrated, as you can probably tell, and I'm sick of playing Superman. -- Frustrated Daughter, Alexandria, Va.

DEAR FRUSTRATED DAUGHTER: Your mother needs to develop the skills to take care of herself, skills that she has not learned for a variety of reasons. Hopefully, she has insurance now. With that, you can get her involved in therapy where she can talk about her life and the challenges she faces. Set up the sessions for her and, if it is allowed, attend some of the sessions with her so the therapist can see exactly how your mother looks at the world.

Meanwhile, see if you can get into college or find a job where you will be out of the house and on your own, at least for some of the time. Tell your mother your schedule and explain to her that as much as you love her, you have to live your life.

Step by step, spend more time on your own. When you are with your mother, make it clear that you love her and that she has to be responsible for herself now. Check in on her to ensure that she is OK. The more consistent you can be in contacting her, the easier it will be for you to be apart from her, because she will not feel abandoned.

You need to do this now to establish any semblance of independence. But be prepared to take care of your mother again. The blessing and challenge of having older parents is that usually at some point, the adult children gain the privilege of caring for them into their old age. Unfortunately, you had to do it on the front end as well.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend blew off my graduation party, saying he couldn't get a ride. He said he didn't call me because he didn't want to upset me. I care so much for him. How can I get him to know that his strategy hurts? -- Broken-Hearted in Cincinnati

DEAR BROKEN-HEARTED: I'm not sure if your boyfriend is worthy of your devotion, but one way to find out is to tell him what you need. Tell him that you need him to call when he cannot come. Tell him that it hurts your feelings and worries you when he disappears. Ask him to respect you by communicating. If he can't do that, he doesn't deserve you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a mother to three daughters, ages 10, 15 and 18. My 15-year-old daughter has been acting up recently. Her grades have dropped, and I am worried that she is not hanging out with the right crowd. We always get into arguments, and she occasionally tells me that she hates me.

I never went through this with my oldest daughter, and I am worried that the 15-year-old is setting a bad example for my youngest daughter. How do I communicate with my daughter without having another argument? -- Helpless Mother, Queens, N.Y.

DEAR HELPLESS MOTHER: Telling your daughter that she may be a bad influence is unlikely to make her shape up. Instead, start a dialogue with her. Speak calmly and with as much love as you can muster. Your daughter's change in habits indicates that her lifestyle has changed. You must find out how. Ask her how you can support her in her schoolwork, perhaps with a tutor or other type of help. Question her carefully about her friends.

Be strong with her. Let her know that you are concerned about her welfare and that you do not want to argue with her, but that you are not sure how to help. Tell her you have heard stories of other families in which it was difficult for mothers and daughters to get along. Express your desire that this not happen to the two of you.

Finally, establish clear boundaries. If she is unwilling to curtail her behavior and redesign her time so that she can comply with your family values, she must suffer consequences. Otherwise, it will all be talk. Get ready to delineate those consequences by seeking help from your minister, a guidance counselor at school (when school resumes) or an independent counselor.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine has been looking for a job for a few months after being laid off from his previous job. After another failed job interview, he came to visit me for some coffee.

When I answered the door, I was shocked to find my friend dressed in jeans and a T-shirt. I asked him if he went to the interview like that, and he informed me that he goes to all his interviews in jeans. He obviously was also not wearing deodorant, as he smelled really bad.

He is sensitive and vulnerable because he is not getting any jobs, so how do I tell him that if he dressed better he would have a better chance at getting employed? -- Can't Believe My Eyes, Washington, D.C.

DEAR CAN'T BELIEVE MY EYES: Tough love is called for in this situation. Tell your friend that you think he needs to get his act together before he goes back out on an interview. That means taking a shower, putting on a suit and brushing up on his interviewing skills. Otherwise, it's likely he will be unemployed indefinitely.