DEAR HARRIETTE: Shopping in grocery or department stores is getting dangerous these days. I have lived in downtown Chicago for 50-plus years around several grocery stores, and I have encountered the same rude and mean-spirited behavior, mostly from women, in all of them. I have never known so many people to be so rude.

I was at a self-checkout in a top grocery store, scanning my groceries, when a woman walked into the store and kicked my grocery cart onto my foot, leaving a long scratch mark on my shoe.

I was in a different top market yesterday, waiting for my cooked food, when a woman pushed her grocery cart over my foot, hitting the back of my leg.

I was in yet another grocery store picking out fresh berries when a woman turned in my direction, reached over my face and arm to pick up cartons of berries, put them down and walked away.

My question is this: What can a civil shopper do when it seems to be the trend these days to be rude to people and get away with it? I mentioned each of these cases to the security guard and management in these stores, and I was told that the stores cannot do or say anything involving customers' behavior. The store manager said that if I responded to the rude person with rudeness, security would call the police.

No decent person wants to cause a scene and go to jail. What other choices do people have when they are trying to shop and get attacked by intentionally rude people? -- Outraged, Chicago

 DEAR OUTRAGED: I'm wondering if you can speak to future offenders using a strong, clear, authoritative tone, warning the person to be careful around you. If someone begins to reach across, speak up and ask the person to give you a moment to complete your selection. Speak loudly enough for the person to hear you, but without attitude that could spark an incendiary situation. It is possible to be proactive in the moment and still soothing to the other shopper, who is likely unaware of his or her rudeness. You can also ask these stores to create policies that encourage thoughtful behavior among customers.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a student who lives in an expensive area. I am eating a lot of fast food, as it is a cheaper option. However, I know how bad fast food is. Do you have any suggestions for how to eat healthier while on a budget? -- Broke, Manhattan, N.Y.

DEAR BROKE: It's time to go to the grocery store and start buying food that you can prepare for yourself. It's so much more affordable. Also, you can buy prepared foods at grocery stores for far less than they would cost at a restaurant. Chances are, these foods will be fresher and healthier, too.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I read the letter from "In a Tizzy," the woman who was panicked because her mother-in-law was coming to visit her very messy home. I would like to tell "Tizzy" to straighten up her house and find places where all the stuff that's lying around can be put away neatly. For the deep cleaning that is really needed -- bathrooms and kitchen cleaned to perfection -- consider calling a service for a one-time house going-over. (Do this a day or two before the guest's arrival.) The service's employees will dust blinds and vacuum thoroughly -- everything sparkles.

I had a knee replacement, and while I was in a rehab home, my husband had a service come in and really deep-clean our home. I had not been able to do much for several months before surgery. Wow, what a wonderful surprise when I came home!

Tizzy's mother-in-law will be shocked when there is nothing she can complain about. Whatever Tizzy does, she should not tell her mother-in-law who did the cleaning but instead let her think Tizzy's skills have improved. While the guest is there, Tizzy should pick up every day and do dishes immediately; leave nothing lying around. Run a duster around when it needs it.

Just a thought! I know a cleaning service can be a bit expensive, depending on your finances, but it may be worth it just to see the mother-in-law's reaction. Enjoy your column. -- Cleaning Up, Chicago

DEAR CLEANING UP: If "In a Tizzy's" home is not too messy, she may be able to follow your very sound suggestion: Clean up some, and get help for the heavy lifting. Some people can tidy up effectively, especially if they put their minds to it.

If you cannot afford to hire someone to help, ask a trusted friend to join you in tossing out what needs to go. Push past any embarrassment you may feel. Chances are that you can weather a best friend's furrowed brow more easily than a critical relative's.

I do want to caution, though, that some people get stuck in a mess way before they are able to see their way clear to putting things away neatly. This may be impossible to grasp for someone who is neat, but messy people can find it a debilitating effort.

DEAR HARRIETTE: By all means, tell your reader who was debating whether to contact a relative to get in touch! I had not seen or spoken to a few of my cousins in years, but circumstances brought us to the same city or together for college and, unfortunately, funerals. It was like we never left one another! It had been about 40 years since I had seen some of them. Catching up was amazing! Since some of our parents had passed, it was nice "filling in the holes" regarding our parents, too. 

Since seeing each other, we keep in contact. And due to a recent return by a "long lost" cousin to the city of all of our births, our kids have become friends as well as relatives. -- Reconciled, Downers Grove, Ill.

DEAR RECONCILED: I'm all for making up and moving on. Life is so short. Savor every moment you can.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I love my husband, but I think he could work on his personal appearance. From time to time, he surprises me and dresses up. I like how he looks when he is dressed up; however, those days are few and far between. When I asked him why he does not dress up more often, he said he did not need to. I was taken aback by his response.

I really want my man to dress up more often, and I need some help convincing him that he should. -- Upgrade My Man, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR UPGRADE MY MAN: Rather than chastising your husband about his casual attire, give him some incentive to dress up. Start inviting him to go with you to dressier activities, such as a fancy dinner or a community dance. Buy him an outfit that is a bit of an upgrade and that you think he will be comfortable wearing. Show him your appreciation whenever he puts on fancier clothes.

He may never become a fashion plate, but there's a good chance he may be willing to dress up from time to time if you can draw him in with inviting activities.

You also may choose to dress up for him as you give him a new tie, shirt or other article of clothing. Make the whole scenario sexy. Then watch the heat rise -- at least a bit!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I order takeout food and often have it delivered because I don't always have time to go pick it up. I always run into the same predicament: How much do I tip? I usually tip $1 to $2. Am I being too cheap, or is this amount reasonable? -- Tipped Off, Manhattan, N.Y.

DEAR TIPPED OFF: When you eat in a restaurant, it is typical to tip the waiter 15 percent to 20 percent of the bill. If you have stellar service, it's great to give more.

On delivery orders, it is more common for customers to pay about 10 percent to the delivery person. But put yourself in the delivery person's shoes: If it was particularly difficult to deliver your food, give a little more. For instance, do you live far away from the restaurant, and is the delivery person on foot or on a bike? Is the weather inclement -- raining, blazing hot, cold, snowing?

It's preferable to give cash to the delivery person so that he or she doesn't have to share it with the folks back at the restaurant. That tip is supposed to be specifically for the person who took the time to get the order to you.