DEAR HARRIETTE: I read the letter from "In a Tizzy," the woman who was panicked because her mother-in-law was coming to visit her very messy home. I would like to tell "Tizzy" to straighten up her house and find places where all the stuff that's lying around can be put away neatly. For the deep cleaning that is really needed -- bathrooms and kitchen cleaned to perfection -- consider calling a service for a one-time house going-over. (Do this a day or two before the guest's arrival.) The service's employees will dust blinds and vacuum thoroughly -- everything sparkles.

I had a knee replacement, and while I was in a rehab home, my husband had a service come in and really deep-clean our home. I had not been able to do much for several months before surgery. Wow, what a wonderful surprise when I came home!

Tizzy's mother-in-law will be shocked when there is nothing she can complain about. Whatever Tizzy does, she should not tell her mother-in-law who did the cleaning but instead let her think Tizzy's skills have improved. While the guest is there, Tizzy should pick up every day and do dishes immediately; leave nothing lying around. Run a duster around when it needs it.

Just a thought! I know a cleaning service can be a bit expensive, depending on your finances, but it may be worth it just to see the mother-in-law's reaction. Enjoy your column. -- Cleaning Up, Chicago

DEAR CLEANING UP: If "In a Tizzy's" home is not too messy, she may be able to follow your very sound suggestion: Clean up some, and get help for the heavy lifting. Some people can tidy up effectively, especially if they put their minds to it.

If you cannot afford to hire someone to help, ask a trusted friend to join you in tossing out what needs to go. Push past any embarrassment you may feel. Chances are that you can weather a best friend's furrowed brow more easily than a critical relative's.

I do want to caution, though, that some people get stuck in a mess way before they are able to see their way clear to putting things away neatly. This may be impossible to grasp for someone who is neat, but messy people can find it a debilitating effort.

DEAR HARRIETTE: By all means, tell your reader who was debating whether to contact a relative to get in touch! I had not seen or spoken to a few of my cousins in years, but circumstances brought us to the same city or together for college and, unfortunately, funerals. It was like we never left one another! It had been about 40 years since I had seen some of them. Catching up was amazing! Since some of our parents had passed, it was nice "filling in the holes" regarding our parents, too. 

Since seeing each other, we keep in contact. And due to a recent return by a "long lost" cousin to the city of all of our births, our kids have become friends as well as relatives. -- Reconciled, Downers Grove, Ill.

DEAR RECONCILED: I'm all for making up and moving on. Life is so short. Savor every moment you can.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I love my husband, but I think he could work on his personal appearance. From time to time, he surprises me and dresses up. I like how he looks when he is dressed up; however, those days are few and far between. When I asked him why he does not dress up more often, he said he did not need to. I was taken aback by his response.

I really want my man to dress up more often, and I need some help convincing him that he should. -- Upgrade My Man, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR UPGRADE MY MAN: Rather than chastising your husband about his casual attire, give him some incentive to dress up. Start inviting him to go with you to dressier activities, such as a fancy dinner or a community dance. Buy him an outfit that is a bit of an upgrade and that you think he will be comfortable wearing. Show him your appreciation whenever he puts on fancier clothes.

He may never become a fashion plate, but there's a good chance he may be willing to dress up from time to time if you can draw him in with inviting activities.

You also may choose to dress up for him as you give him a new tie, shirt or other article of clothing. Make the whole scenario sexy. Then watch the heat rise -- at least a bit!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I order takeout food and often have it delivered because I don't always have time to go pick it up. I always run into the same predicament: How much do I tip? I usually tip $1 to $2. Am I being too cheap, or is this amount reasonable? -- Tipped Off, Manhattan, N.Y.

DEAR TIPPED OFF: When you eat in a restaurant, it is typical to tip the waiter 15 percent to 20 percent of the bill. If you have stellar service, it's great to give more.

On delivery orders, it is more common for customers to pay about 10 percent to the delivery person. But put yourself in the delivery person's shoes: If it was particularly difficult to deliver your food, give a little more. For instance, do you live far away from the restaurant, and is the delivery person on foot or on a bike? Is the weather inclement -- raining, blazing hot, cold, snowing?

It's preferable to give cash to the delivery person so that he or she doesn't have to share it with the folks back at the restaurant. That tip is supposed to be specifically for the person who took the time to get the order to you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently found out that my wife has been telling our bedroom secrets to one of her girlfriends. We went out to dinner with another married couple a few weeks ago, and during our conversation, my wife's girlfriend blurted out something I had told my wife in secret.

Needless to say, I was disappointed and embarrassed that my wife would share our personal information with one of her friends. What should I do? -- Embarrassed in Chicago DEAR EMBARRASSED: You have every right to be uncomfortable about your wife's disclosure. It is completely understandable that you would want some information to remain private between the two of you.

I have to caution you, though, that it is common for spouses (husbands too, sometimes) to confide in close friends about the intimacies of their lives. The expectation is that friends will keep the information confidential.

But it can be difficult for people to keep information to themselves, especially when it's juicy. Sometimes such information leaks.

You definitely should speak to your wife and tell her how you feel. Be explicit with her about what information is off-limits for sharing with others. Suggest that if she wants to talk about your bedroom secrets, she should talk to you about them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 16 years old, and all of my friends are getting piercings and tattoos. I want to get a tattoo, but my parents won't let me. I see it as a way of expressing myself, but I am also fearful of the permanence of a tattoo. What should I do? -- Ambivalent, Larchmont, N.Y.

DEAR AMBIVALENT: You are a minor, which means you are still under the governance of your parents. In refusing to give their permission for a tattoo, their intention is to protect you.

Interestingly, you have concerns that your parents probably share. Key among them is that tattoos are permanent. You should think long and hard about whether you want to put something on your skin that will never go away.

I am not going to tell you that you should never get a tattoo. Instead, I recommend that you make the decision after you have lived some more and taken a longer-term look at your life. People get all kinds of tattoos, including some that are easily visible. Those visible marks may make it difficult to get a job in a conservative work environment.

The good news today is that there are many options for being gainfully employed and living a productive life. Many people with tattoos have perfectly fine lives. You should revisit this idea when you are an adult and are ready to consider the long-term impact of your choices. Until then, wait.