DEAR HARRIETTE: I hired a new teacher at my school recently. He left brand-new computer equipment unattended in his classroom for several hours. The teacher did not notify anyone that he left the equipment unattended until the next school day. Naturally, it was stolen. I'm upset that we have to replace the computer equipment because of his negligence. I really want to fire him, but I think that's an extreme action. Can you offer a way for me to reprimand him without losing my temper? -- Being the Boss, Park City, Utah

DEAR BEING THE BOSS: Unless you have a written policy in place stating that such an act of negligence will lead to dismissal or even reimbursement, you cannot go to that extreme. Sit the teacher down, and talk about safety and the value of equipment. Perhaps he didn't imagine that anyone would steal from the school because he had never had such a thing happen where he previously worked.

He needs mentoring and a reprimand. Calm down and guide him. That will be your most effective next action.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Yesterday, one of my managers walked out of an important meeting for about 30 minutes, and he was nowhere to be found. He returned eventually. After the meeting was over, I pulled him aside and asked him about his disappearance. He responded that he went to another department to talk to a co-worker. What should I do? I needed him to be in meetings, and not wasting time visiting a co-worker in another department. -- About to Blow My Top, Chicago

DEAR ABOUT TO BLOW MY TOP: Don't assume that he was wasting time visiting the co-worker in another department. Call him into your office and dig deeper. Ask him what the nature of his meeting was.

Ask him why he thought it was acceptable for him to leave what you deemed an important meeting. Find out if he understand the nature and value of the meeting in your eyes. I don't know how many meetings you have, but many companies are overrun by meetings, and sometimes it's hard for work to be completed because meetings seem to get in the way. Could this be true at your office?

Rather than assuming that your employee intended to disregard your meeting, talk to him until you are clear about his thinking. Then, make your expectations crystal clear. If you expect your staff to stay in meetings until they end, tell him as much. If you prefer to know if there are conflicts in advance, make that clear. Finally, in cases of emergency, let this man and your other staff know how to inform you of their need to leave.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am drowning in debt. It has gotten to the point where I don't know what to do. I got laid off last year. I have been able to work part-time jobs here and there, but it's not enough money to even pay for my rent and food. Never mind that I have all kinds of debt I took on by using credit cards too much in order to survive.

It's horrible. I have no idea what to do. I cannot pay right now. I feel like hiding. But that's ridiculous. -- Ready to Hide, Washington, D.C.

DEAR READY TO HIDE: Resist the temptation to go underground. I promise that will not work. Instead, be proactive. Contact all of your creditors and tell them your story. Trust that they want to recoup as much of what they are owed as possible. Ask if you can get a reduction of your debt and establish a payment plan that will allow you to pay small amounts while you are working to get on your feet.

Depending on your financial circumstances, you may qualify for public assistance. While it may be difficult for you to consider getting help from the government, I hope you will see that a little help can go a long way as you work to get on your feet. To find out your eligibility, go to www.tanf-benefits.com.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was at my friend’s house the other day and saw a medication he was taking that is used for a venereal disease. I was shocked. Then again, I don’t know anything about his sex life. What I do know is that he recently started dating a girl and is super-excited about her. I have a feeling he is going to have sex with her soon. I like this girl he's dating and know her a little bit. I wonder if I should talk to her about what I found or tell the guy to take it slowly? I would hate to be the person who knows a terrible fact but didn’t do anything about it. How should I proceed? -- In Doubt, New Orleans

DEAR IN DOUBT: Your friend’s sex life is not your business. That you saw medication does not confirm his health status. It is best for you to mind your own business.

If you feel compelled to find out, ask your friend directly. Tell him that you saw a medication of his that made you concerned about him and his new date. If you want to step into his business, you could ask him if he has the disease in question and if he uses protection.

I do not recommend that you go to the new date. At this stage in history, people should know to use protection. You are not the protection police, and it is not your role to try to get your friends to behave responsibly. It is their job.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently had a heart-to-heart with my 80-year-old cousin. She never married but seemed to have a good life. I wanted to know why she never got married. She's attractive. She is smart. She has good manners. I figured she would have had suitors back then who would have loved to be with her.

She told me she had fallen in love when she was in her 20s, but the man didn't want to marry her. Because her heart was with him, she didn't think it would be right to marry somebody else. She teared up a little as she told me, but she said she thought she made the right decision.

I felt really sad for her. I also wondered if I will ever meet "the one." What if I don't find somebody I'm head-over-heels for? Should I stay single forever? -- Spinster in Training, Jersey City, N.J.

DEAR SPINSTER IN TRAINING: Your cousin shared her truth with you. If she wholeheartedly believes that her heart was locked with that man, then she is right to not try to force herself to love someone else. She may not have felt capable of loving someone else fully.

Is that sad? I think so, because it's likely your cousin has a lot of love that she could have shared with someone who would have shared his love with her.

Please remember that you are not your cousin. She told you her story. Now you have to figure out your own.

You will have to assess whether you have found "the one" with whom you can build a life. It's wise to actually write down a list of the character traits you admire in a partner. Be as clear as you can about what inspires and motivates you. Then, as you meet potential suitors, you may have a better chance of noticing someone who is a perfect match for you.

Stop worrying about your cousin's story. She chose to live her life in a particular way. Now it's time for you to make your own choices.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father died 10 years ago. Every year, my mother wants the family to make a pilgrimage to visit his grave. I rarely go. She is insistent this year because it's the 10th anniversary of his death. I hate cemeteries. Do I have to go? -- Creeped Out, Cincinnati

DEAR CREEPED OUT: Your mother would be thrilled to have you at her side. Participate in the pilgrimage for her sake. And, if you can, share a memory of your father that will make your family remember him with love. They all will appreciate your presence.