DEAR HARRIETTE: I am drowning in debt. It has gotten to the point where I don't know what to do. I got laid off last year. I have been able to work part-time jobs here and there, but it's not enough money to even pay for my rent and food. Never mind that I have all kinds of debt I took on by using credit cards too much in order to survive.

It's horrible. I have no idea what to do. I cannot pay right now. I feel like hiding. But that's ridiculous. -- Ready to Hide, Washington, D.C.

DEAR READY TO HIDE: Resist the temptation to go underground. I promise that will not work. Instead, be proactive. Contact all of your creditors and tell them your story. Trust that they want to recoup as much of what they are owed as possible. Ask if you can get a reduction of your debt and establish a payment plan that will allow you to pay small amounts while you are working to get on your feet.

Depending on your financial circumstances, you may qualify for public assistance. While it may be difficult for you to consider getting help from the government, I hope you will see that a little help can go a long way as you work to get on your feet. To find out your eligibility, go to www.tanf-benefits.com.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was at my friend’s house the other day and saw a medication he was taking that is used for a venereal disease. I was shocked. Then again, I don’t know anything about his sex life. What I do know is that he recently started dating a girl and is super-excited about her. I have a feeling he is going to have sex with her soon. I like this girl he's dating and know her a little bit. I wonder if I should talk to her about what I found or tell the guy to take it slowly? I would hate to be the person who knows a terrible fact but didn’t do anything about it. How should I proceed? -- In Doubt, New Orleans

DEAR IN DOUBT: Your friend’s sex life is not your business. That you saw medication does not confirm his health status. It is best for you to mind your own business.

If you feel compelled to find out, ask your friend directly. Tell him that you saw a medication of his that made you concerned about him and his new date. If you want to step into his business, you could ask him if he has the disease in question and if he uses protection.

I do not recommend that you go to the new date. At this stage in history, people should know to use protection. You are not the protection police, and it is not your role to try to get your friends to behave responsibly. It is their job.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently had a heart-to-heart with my 80-year-old cousin. She never married but seemed to have a good life. I wanted to know why she never got married. She's attractive. She is smart. She has good manners. I figured she would have had suitors back then who would have loved to be with her.

She told me she had fallen in love when she was in her 20s, but the man didn't want to marry her. Because her heart was with him, she didn't think it would be right to marry somebody else. She teared up a little as she told me, but she said she thought she made the right decision.

I felt really sad for her. I also wondered if I will ever meet "the one." What if I don't find somebody I'm head-over-heels for? Should I stay single forever? -- Spinster in Training, Jersey City, N.J.

DEAR SPINSTER IN TRAINING: Your cousin shared her truth with you. If she wholeheartedly believes that her heart was locked with that man, then she is right to not try to force herself to love someone else. She may not have felt capable of loving someone else fully.

Is that sad? I think so, because it's likely your cousin has a lot of love that she could have shared with someone who would have shared his love with her.

Please remember that you are not your cousin. She told you her story. Now you have to figure out your own.

You will have to assess whether you have found "the one" with whom you can build a life. It's wise to actually write down a list of the character traits you admire in a partner. Be as clear as you can about what inspires and motivates you. Then, as you meet potential suitors, you may have a better chance of noticing someone who is a perfect match for you.

Stop worrying about your cousin's story. She chose to live her life in a particular way. Now it's time for you to make your own choices.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father died 10 years ago. Every year, my mother wants the family to make a pilgrimage to visit his grave. I rarely go. She is insistent this year because it's the 10th anniversary of his death. I hate cemeteries. Do I have to go? -- Creeped Out, Cincinnati

DEAR CREEPED OUT: Your mother would be thrilled to have you at her side. Participate in the pilgrimage for her sake. And, if you can, share a memory of your father that will make your family remember him with love. They all will appreciate your presence.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Two months ago, my supervisor told me I would be working from home. When I heard the news, I became sad. Although working from home has its advantages -- I save on gas and commuting time -- I miss seeing my co-workers in person. When I worked in the office, it was easy to go to dinner or grab a drink after work. Nowadays, I'm having a hard time trying to catch up with my friends from work.

I'm having second thoughts about working from home, and I'm afraid to tell my supervisor. What should I do? -- Off-Site Worker, St. Louis

DEAR OFF-SITE WORKER: I can hear my older sister Susan saying, "Get a life." She is always direct, and sometimes harsh, but the point is that work is work.

While you obviously have grown fond of your co-workers, you must remember that your job is not, nor should it be, your life. It's fine to have cultivated friendships at work, but it's important for you to see things for what they are.

Now is the time to evaluate your personal life and figure out how to enrich it. This includes expanding your pool of contacts and friendships. Is there anybody you feel close to who may want to go out for dinner or drinks? What relationships would you like to cultivate further? Focus on those.

Of course, if you have key co-workers who are now true friends, invite them to hang out from time to time. But mostly, do your job as efficiently as you can so that your boss and co-workers will keep you top of mind even though you aren't physically present.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I need some advice on how to stay cool in the heat. I have two small dogs, and I'm not excited about leaving the air conditioning on at my house while I'm at work. Do you know of some cost-effective ways to stay cool this summer without breaking the bank? -- Hot Times, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR HOT TIMES: You have two issues -- how to deal with the heat for yourself and for your pets.

For your pets, I would recommend that when it is sweltering, you may want to keep the air conditioning on if you think your home will get too hot. Perhaps you can keep the dogs in one room with a separate air conditioner so that you aren't cooling your entire home. You can fill their water bowls with ice so the water will stay cool longer. On bearable days, keep a fan blowing instead of using the air conditioning.

For yourself, choose to engage in fun activities after the sun goes down, when it's cooler outside. Go to air-conditioned venues, such as museums, movie theaters and libraries. Visit the local pool when you need relief from the heat. I found an article with additional ideas in your area that you may want to consider: ilovememphisblog.com/2010/06/11-ways-to-stay-cool-in-memphis-this-summer.