DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently had a heart-to-heart with my 80-year-old cousin. She never married but seemed to have a good life. I wanted to know why she never got married. She's attractive. She is smart. She has good manners. I figured she would have had suitors back then who would have loved to be with her.

She told me she had fallen in love when she was in her 20s, but the man didn't want to marry her. Because her heart was with him, she didn't think it would be right to marry somebody else. She teared up a little as she told me, but she said she thought she made the right decision.

I felt really sad for her. I also wondered if I will ever meet "the one." What if I don't find somebody I'm head-over-heels for? Should I stay single forever? -- Spinster in Training, Jersey City, N.J.

DEAR SPINSTER IN TRAINING: Your cousin shared her truth with you. If she wholeheartedly believes that her heart was locked with that man, then she is right to not try to force herself to love someone else. She may not have felt capable of loving someone else fully.

Is that sad? I think so, because it's likely your cousin has a lot of love that she could have shared with someone who would have shared his love with her.

Please remember that you are not your cousin. She told you her story. Now you have to figure out your own.

You will have to assess whether you have found "the one" with whom you can build a life. It's wise to actually write down a list of the character traits you admire in a partner. Be as clear as you can about what inspires and motivates you. Then, as you meet potential suitors, you may have a better chance of noticing someone who is a perfect match for you.

Stop worrying about your cousin's story. She chose to live her life in a particular way. Now it's time for you to make your own choices.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father died 10 years ago. Every year, my mother wants the family to make a pilgrimage to visit his grave. I rarely go. She is insistent this year because it's the 10th anniversary of his death. I hate cemeteries. Do I have to go? -- Creeped Out, Cincinnati

DEAR CREEPED OUT: Your mother would be thrilled to have you at her side. Participate in the pilgrimage for her sake. And, if you can, share a memory of your father that will make your family remember him with love. They all will appreciate your presence.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Two months ago, my supervisor told me I would be working from home. When I heard the news, I became sad. Although working from home has its advantages -- I save on gas and commuting time -- I miss seeing my co-workers in person. When I worked in the office, it was easy to go to dinner or grab a drink after work. Nowadays, I'm having a hard time trying to catch up with my friends from work.

I'm having second thoughts about working from home, and I'm afraid to tell my supervisor. What should I do? -- Off-Site Worker, St. Louis

DEAR OFF-SITE WORKER: I can hear my older sister Susan saying, "Get a life." She is always direct, and sometimes harsh, but the point is that work is work.

While you obviously have grown fond of your co-workers, you must remember that your job is not, nor should it be, your life. It's fine to have cultivated friendships at work, but it's important for you to see things for what they are.

Now is the time to evaluate your personal life and figure out how to enrich it. This includes expanding your pool of contacts and friendships. Is there anybody you feel close to who may want to go out for dinner or drinks? What relationships would you like to cultivate further? Focus on those.

Of course, if you have key co-workers who are now true friends, invite them to hang out from time to time. But mostly, do your job as efficiently as you can so that your boss and co-workers will keep you top of mind even though you aren't physically present.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I need some advice on how to stay cool in the heat. I have two small dogs, and I'm not excited about leaving the air conditioning on at my house while I'm at work. Do you know of some cost-effective ways to stay cool this summer without breaking the bank? -- Hot Times, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR HOT TIMES: You have two issues -- how to deal with the heat for yourself and for your pets.

For your pets, I would recommend that when it is sweltering, you may want to keep the air conditioning on if you think your home will get too hot. Perhaps you can keep the dogs in one room with a separate air conditioner so that you aren't cooling your entire home. You can fill their water bowls with ice so the water will stay cool longer. On bearable days, keep a fan blowing instead of using the air conditioning.

For yourself, choose to engage in fun activities after the sun goes down, when it's cooler outside. Go to air-conditioned venues, such as museums, movie theaters and libraries. Visit the local pool when you need relief from the heat. I found an article with additional ideas in your area that you may want to consider: ilovememphisblog.com/2010/06/11-ways-to-stay-cool-in-memphis-this-summer.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I would like to encourage my father to stop drinking alcoholic beverages. Ever since I was a child, I can remember my dad having a drink in his hand. I am now 40 years old and he is 62, and I would like for him to stop and live the best life possible.

He works as a doorman, and I visited him the other day. While I was standing with him, one of the tenants said he would be bringing my dad his bottle a little later. I couldn't believe my ears. I'm afraid my father might lose his job if he drinks at work, too. What can I say to encourage him to stop drinking? -- Daddy's Boy, Chicago

DEAR DADDY'S BOY: I'm sure you already know that you cannot actually get someone to stop drinking if he or she doesn't want to stop. You can bring it up, though.

You could tell your father that you know he has been a drinker for years and that you are concerned about his health. Tell your father you love him and want him to be healthy. Express your concern that his constant drinking over so many years is wearing on his body.

Add that you heard the exchange with the tenant and that you worry he might lose his job if he drinks at work.

There's no way to know how your father will respond. But it would be good to at least voice your concerns out loud to him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was invited to a party at the home of a friend. When I called to see if another friend was attending, I learned that she was not. Instead, she and another friend of mine are going to a different party. I agreed to go to the first party only because I thought I would be with these friends, whom I really like.

I don't know how to handle this. Should I tell my friends that I would rather hang out with them? I wasn't invited to go to the other party, even after I made a couple of suggestive remarks to feel out an invitation. What should I do? -- Feeling Rejected, Laredo, Texas

DEAR FEELING REJECTED: If you have already attempted to get yourself invited to the other party and your friends didn't take the bait, leave it alone. As uncomfortable as this may be, there is no reason to think that you should be invited to everything that your friends attend.

Why not go to the event to which you were invited and enjoy yourself? If you focus on what's before you rather than belaboring the lack of an invitation to the other event, you will be more comfortable. When you step back, you will see that the others are still your friends, even if you missed out on this particular activity.