life

Uncle's Gift Pays Dividends: Investing Know-How

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 14th, 2012

DEAR HARRIETTE: My uncle gave me quite a few shares of stock as a graduation present. I'm sure that's a great gift, but I don't know anything about the stock market. He is a big-time broker with a bit of an attitude. I want to ask him about the stocks and to teach me about investing, but I'm afraid he will laugh at me because I know so little. Should I just read up on stocks by myself, or dare I ask him to teach me? -- Young Investor, Washington, D.C.

DEAR YOUNG INVESTOR: I like both ideas. Begin your research so that you can show a kernel of interest in this generous gift from your uncle. Look at Money, Kiplinger's and Forbes magazines and at SmartMoney in The Wall Street Journal for starters. And by all means, contact your uncle to thank him for the gift and to ask him to schedule an appointment to talk about stocks.

Have a notebook at the ready and ask as many questions as you can. Sincerely express your interest in learning about money, finance and stocks. Tell your uncle about your initial research, and ask him to recommend books to read, online sites to visit, etc. Ask if he will give you a tour of his office and introduce you to other people in the money-management world.

As you move into the next phase of your life, it is surely helpful to learn about building wealth. Perhaps your uncle can help lead you on that journey.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently moved into a new apartment with a new roommate. We get along well, except that my roommate is a super-early riser and I am a late-night girl. It's tough for us to have good sleep-and-awake patterns, which has made us feel frustrated with each other. We live in a two-bedroom apartment with one bathroom.

How would you recommend that we both get our rest so we don't chew each other out because our patterns are disturbed? -- Sleep-Deprived, Chicago

DEAR SLEEP-DEPRIVED: It's time to establish a schedule with your roommate. Have a meeting and talk about your challenges -- particularly, who is awake and when. Set times to turn out the lights and lower the volume that accommodate each other's need for quiet. Make sure you also allow time when you can speak at full volume, play music and entertain guests.

As far as the bathroom goes, do your best to schedule alone time. If you keep the bathroom door closed, the sound of water running in the shower will be muffled. You may also want to invest in a few area rugs. Rugs absorb sound.

When you are awake and your roommate is asleep, do your best to spend your time in an area that is out of earshot of your roommate's bedroom.

life

Graduation Gifts Can Come From the Heart

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 13th, 2012

DEAR HARRIETTE: Several children in my neighborhood are graduating from high school or college this summer. I have been invited to about 10 parties. I am so happy for the families, and I know how proud they are.

I would like to celebrate with them, but I cannot afford to buy a gift for each of the graduates. My family's coffers have been stretched for a couple of years now. My husband lost his job and hasn't found work in 18 months, and my hours were cut back.

I'm sure that none of these families wants a sob story. I am not sure what to do. I don't want to seem like the person who either stayed away or who came and ate up their food without bringing a gift. -- Between a Rock, Shreveport, La.

DEAR BETWEEN A ROCK: Gifts don't have to cost money. If you actually know the young people who are graduating, take a few minutes to remember highlights of their growing-up years. Write each of them a note congratulating them on their success and wishing them all the best in the future. The more specific you can be about them and their lives, the more valuable the note will be. That can suffice, and you can attend the party knowing that you have contributed something memorable to the graduate.

Of course, you don't have to eat up all their food! What you will be coming for is to fete the graduate.

DEAR HARRIETTE: What do you do when your neighbor has no curtains at her windows and regularly walks around naked? I guess somebody may think this is sexy. Not me. This may sound terrible, but she's an older woman, like in her 60s, and I really don't want to see all of that.

I wish I lived in a building where I could change the windows. But, hey, I live in an apartment -- no can do.

Seriously, what can I do? I don't want to look out the window and see her. -- Blinded by the Sight, Staten Island, N.Y.

DEAR BLINDED: You might have a different opinion if the view outside your window was of a 20-year-old model. Yes, we should hold the same standards for all, but I do understand your dilemma.

Do YOU have curtains? While it may not seem fair, you may have to cover your own windows to protect your line of sight.

People need to realize that even if they live on upper floors in apartment buildings, there's a really good chance the neighbors can see inside their apartment. Having curtains is a sign of good manners. It shows people that you respect your privacy and theirs.

life

Elderly Dad Needs Constant Supervision

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 12th, 2012

DEAR HARRIETTE: My dad is suffering from dementia, and it is wearing on the family, as you might imagine. I travel a lot for my work, and recently, after many years, my husband decided to help out. I am so grateful that he is pitching in, but I don't know how long we can sustain taking care of my father at home.

My dad begged me not to put him in assisted living, and I don't want to. But I'm worried for his health. One day, when my husband and I were at work, my dad wandered out of the house. A neighbor found him and brought him home, but I was scared to death. What can I do? -- Worried About Dad, Washington, D.C.

DEAR WORRIED ABOUT DAD: The blessing is that you have your father alive with you. The challenge is that his health is compromising his safety. Look into getting a nurse or other health-care practitioner to stay with him during the day or when he otherwise would be left unsupervised. Investigate the option of senior day care. Some of these centers have the staff to support people with dementia.

Talk to your husband in detail about what's happening. Clarify what each of you can do to support your dad. Be sure to thank your husband for all that he is doing now. Address the potential need to put your dad in a home of some kind. Research his insurance policy to determine what he can afford if it gets to that. While your dad is opposed to such care, that may be the choice you have to make sometime down the line.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I hung out with my ex and his girlfriend the other night. I ran into them at a party and we started chatting.

We had a nice time, but I would be lying if I didn't admit that I was kind of jealous. They seem to get along so well. We fought a lot during our time together. I like him so much, and I don't even know why it didn't work out.

I think he definitely sees me as a chum now. He suggested that we all hang out again another time. His girlfriend seemed fine with it. But I'm not so sure. What do you think? -- Jealous Ex, Salt Lake City

DEAR JEALOUS EX: I'm sure it was pleasant to have spent that time together and to have received an invitation to hang out again, but I wouldn't accept it.

Think about this: What do you want to come of this interaction? Do you want to be friends with both of them? With just him again? What type of friendship are you hoping to cultivate?

You need to be clear that he is with her now, and it would be wrong for you to harbor feelings for him and enter into a triangulated friendship. It's likely that the results would be confusion and hurt feelings on your part.

Protect yourself and say, "Thank you, but no thank you."

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