DEAR HARRIETTE: My granddaughter, whom we seldom see because she lives in Iowa, is a bridesmaid in her college friend's wedding. The wedding will take place in a large chapel located two hours from where we live.

We intended to see our granddaughter in the wedding ceremony. Our plan was to sit inconspicuously in the back of the church and leave immediately after the ceremony, hoping only to briefly see her afterward. When I told my granddaughter that we would see her at the wedding, she said that etiquette frowns on attending a wedding ceremony if not invited.

I always thought the ceremony, especially one in a large church or chapel, was open to interested people. My husband and I, of course, will not attend now because we do not want to make her uncomfortable, but I'm wondering what proper etiquette is in this case. -- Disappointed, Chicago

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: Your granddaughter happens to be right this time. While I understand your interest in seeing her in this wedding, I would not recommend crashing the event for that purpose.

Instead, why not invite your granddaughter to visit you, since she will be so close, or ask if you can visit her while she's nearby for the wedding? That could mean that you pay for her to stay one more night at a hotel or that you figure out another creative way of getting together.

Your main point is that you want to see your granddaughter. Make sure she knows how much you miss and love her, and how much you want to see her face and give her a hug.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My pastor asked the women in all of the ministry departments to dress conservatively this summer. The reason for the request is that our pastor does not want men in church to become distracted from their duties, and he wants them to focus on the needs of the people.

I'm one for compliance; however, we attend an old but beautiful church that has no air conditioning. During the summertime, the church services can become unbearable due to the heat.

I would like to wear my cute dresses and stay cool at the same time. I need some help to find a happy medium. I want to dress comfortably without causing an uproar at church. Help me. -- Cool and Cute, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR COOL AND CUTE: It is traditional in many churches for men and women to dress conservatively. I imagine that if the women leaders of your church are asked to dress modestly, the men are required to do the same. Is that so?

It would be helpful to get further guidelines on what "conservative" means. You may want to point out that although it is too hot to wear pantyhose, skirts below the knee and dresses that cover the shoulders would work well. These styles are common in houses of worship.

Get clarification and then work with the leadership to figure out what will be comfortable in the heat and appropriate for your roles.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been talking to this girl every day for five weeks. We have been on several dates, and I really like her. It seemed like she liked me, too, but all of a sudden she stopped answering my calls and texts. It has been a few days and she just responded, saying that she's had a lot going on and that she becomes a hermit when things start to go downhill for her.

Is this a sign that she's not interested in me anymore? I still like her. What can I do, or what should I say to her? -- Confused, Jacksonville, Fla.

DEAR CONFUSED: It could be true that this young lady becomes a hermit when she's feeling down. If so, it's unlikely that you can rally her out of her funk. It is too soon to know whether she's over you, though.

Send a short, heartfelt note telling her that even though you have known each other only a short time, you care about her deeply and want her to know that she doesn't have to be alone. Let her know that you want to support her, especially when she is feeling low, and that you will be there in any way she allows. Tell her you will check in periodically to see if she is OK.

After a week or so, if she hasn't responded at all, back off. You can't force her to stay connected. But your good-faith expression of interest may go a long way.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I read your column most mornings and wanted to pass along an observation for "Feeling Guilty," who felt bad about imposing on an adviser while the adviser was seriously ill.

It is possible and likely that the interaction between "Feeling Guilty" and the adviser was helpful to the adviser. It may have served as a distraction from his medical condition. It also likely gave him something "normal" to look forward to on a regular basis. Therefore, no guilt is necessary. -- Interested Observer, La Grange, Ill.

DEAR INTERESTED OBSERVER: Great point. For those who don't remember the question, it was from a student whose adviser supported her through a huge project over time. Only afterward did he share that he was being treated for cancer during that time.

I think you are accurate in pointing out that the way the information was at first withheld and later shared likely helped both of them. The adviser had his commitment to his student, and the student was able to complete the work at hand with expert help, free of the burden of the adviser's health ailment. Afterward, both could address the health crisis and share their support for each other when the moment allowed for them to experience their feelings free of the burden of work.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In one of your recent columns, someone complained about people using the word "gay" as a slur, for example, "Oh, that's so gay." They were offended by this use of the word. But what about when those same people say "Oh my God" when they are mad or as an expression for whatever reason? I am offended by this!

The Bible tells us that this is taking the Lord's name in vain. His name should never be used in any way that is not holy! All people who call themselves Christians should be offended by this. Will you address this, too, or is it wrong only when the gays are offended? -- Child of God, Chicago

DEAR CHILD OF GOD: I'm glad you brought up this point. I strongly believe that we should be mindful of everything we say. Words have power. I believe it is wise to use uplifting, empowering words whenever possible.

As far as religious words, you are right that in Christian tradition, one is not supposed to use the Lord's name in vain. That would include the extremely common saying "Oh my God," which is now commonly shortened to "OMG." Should people say this? Not in the way it is most frequently used. My understanding is that it should be reserved for moments of tremendous wonder at the awesome nature of God.

That said, I suspect you will have a terrifically steep uphill battle to wage to awaken people to the offense they are committing when saying those words. The way I have addressed it most effectively is at home. My 8-year-old daughter knows that we don't say that, even if her friends do. If we teach our youth, we have a chance of cleaning up language for the next generation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned that my ex, who has always been my true love, is getting married. He emailed me to let me know. I know he meant well. He wanted me to know his good news. It has been a few years since we were together, and we have remained friends. But I'm not quite sure how to take this.

He said he wants me to come to the wedding and even help him out in advance. I feel like Julia Roberts in "My Best Friend's Wedding." I don't want to do it.

How can I let him know my feelings without making him uncomfortable? I wish him well, but I don't want to witness him marrying somebody else. -- Not Yet Over Him, Shreveport, La.

DEAR NOT YET OVER HIM: Given your lingering feelings for your ex, it is wise to keep your distance from his wedding. It would not be helpful for either of you for you to participate in the festivities, as it is unlikely you could completely hide your feelings.

I suggest that you schedule a meeting with your ex, either by phone or in person. Congratulate him on his engagement. Then tell him that while you are happy that he is happy, you cannot in good faith be a part of the festivities. He probably already knows that you still love him, but you can say that your feelings remain unresolved and thus you think it's best to stay away.