DEAR HARRIETTE: It's been nearly a year since my mother passed away, and we still receive phone calls from people asking to speak to her. I feel like I relive her passing every time I have to talk about her death. I would like to know how I can manage the hurt of explaining her passing when people ask. My mother was loved by many, and I miss her. -- Missing My Mom, St. Louis

DEAR MISSING MY MOM: For many people, it takes a long time -- even many years -- to find comfort after the death of a parent, especially a mother. A mother's love is unlike any other, and for those lucky enough to have had a positive, nurturing relationship with their mother, it can be absolutely devastating to let go after she dies.

For what it's worth, it is only natural that you would feel sad whenever you have to tell someone for the first time about your mother's death. It's much like opening an old wound again and again.

What you can do to help ease your pain is to realize that the love these callers offer when they express their surprise and sadness about your mother's death is living proof of the value of her life. That knowledge is a blessing.

The best thing you can do is to get professional support. A grief specialist can help you talk and work through your feelings, your memories and your reality today. You also may want to read a helpful book called "Grieving the Death of a Mother," by Harold Ivan Smith. Good luck to you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have an etiquette question. Recently I've received a lot of invitations from people via some type of Internet outlet. Sometimes it's from an email. Sometimes it comes from Evite.com, PaperlessPost.com or some other such outlet. My question is, can I write a note to the host of the party via the Internet since the host is using the computer to invite me to his or her party? Normally I would send a handwritten note, but I'm thinking it's OK to hit "send" to people who are using the Internet to publicize their events. Is that right? -- Technologically Confused, Laredo, Texas

DEAR TECHNOLOGICALLY CONFUSED: You are onto something. Times are changing, and with our various means of communication come new ways of responding. So, yes, it is natural for you to respond with a lovely note via email to an email invitation.

I will caution you to be aware of where your message will go, though. For instance, if you respond via the website the sender used, your message could be received by all invitees instead of privately. You should decide what you prefer.

Also, for the host of a birthday/graduation/anniversary party -- basically, an event where people bring gifts -- it's worth noting that some people send blanket thank-you notes via email to all invited guests. That's OK, but it's still best to say thank you individually.

DEAR READERS: Happy Independence Day, America! As I think about this favorite American holiday, I become reflective. Naturally, many people think of the Fourth of July as the quintessential time for hot dogs, lemonade and family fun. But when you pay attention to the reason for the holiday, it can give you pause.

I consider the United States of America to be the greatest experiment in democracy. Our country was founded on the loftiest of ideals, including the belief that every one of us deserves -- indeed, has the right to -- life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Who talks like that these days? Moreover, what does it mean to have those pursuits available to us?

We live in a world fraught with war, with poverty, with despair, with fear. Our prisons are crowded with individuals who have lost their freedom. Our hospitals are full of people who are on the verge of losing their lives. On our hallowed shores, many people battle all manner of conflicts that can make it impossible to even imagine pursuing happiness.

The news is littered with stories of people who have given up, who have committed the greatest offense by taking their own lives because they saw no value in them.

We are living in extreme times. The "haves" are growing in wealth, while the "have-nots" and the "have-less" are suffering without enough resources to adequately care for their families.

I do not mention these realities to make us sad or despondent. I am not encouraging us to hang our flags at half-staff. I mention these things to remind us of both the fragile nature of human life and, conversely, the amazing potential of the American spirit. Despite seemingly insurmountable odds, the people who founded this great nation had the vision of a culture and society that treasured both the individual and the community. They understood that one way to ensure the growth and development of our country was to inspire each one of us with the promise that we could fulfill our potential to be our best.

I believe it is time for all of us to remember that promise and to figure out how to align ourselves with the possibility of fulfilling lives for ourselves, for our families and for our neighbors. When we wave our Stars and Stripes -- which symbolizes the sanctity of good will that has made our country a magnet for so many around the world -- let us take a moment to consider our commitment to our country.

So many young men and women have devoted their lives to protecting the freedoms that our country promises its citizens. What can each of us do to ensure that our country continues to treat each of its inhabitants with respect, dignity and faith in their potential? It is our duty to figure it out -- for ourselves and the future of our nation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm currently in my sophomore year of college. In two years, I plan to have my degree in economics, but I'm not too sure about the direction I should go after that. I'm wondering where I can get an internship in economics. Or should I change my major to something that has more of a direction? -- At a Crossroads, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR AT A CROSSROADS: Sophomore year is usually when college students claim a major and begin to think seriously about mapping out the future. You chose economics for a reason. Recall that reason and think big about the career path you'd like to carve out for yourself.

Then make an appointment with your guidance counselor to talk about internship opportunities. It is very smart to pursue internships, as they provide a window into worlds that may be of interest to you. Your school should be able to help you secure an internship in your area of interest. Get as many internships as you can, in a variety of areas, so that you can choose your career path with more knowledge.

If, after getting hands-on experience, you no longer are interested in economics, consider changing your major. But don't give up before learning as much as you can about this field.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I keep trying to find a fit for a young man who is in need of work, and it's just not working out. He is so nice and sincere. The problem is that he isn't good at any of the tasks I have asked him to handle. He misses deadlines even when I remind him of them, time and again. He doesn't record phone messages accurately, so I don't have the right numbers to call back clients. I could go on and on, but basically he is not a good fit for me. But I feel so guilty, because I like him and he has been loyal, even if he has not been effective.

How do I say goodbye with the least amount of pain? And how can I help him find another job? -- At the Edge, Shreveport, La.

DEAR AT THE EDGE: Be honest with this young man. Tell him that you have made a good-faith effort to carve out a role for him but that you realize you and he are not a good fit.

Recommend areas in which you think he may excel, but do so only if you honestly believe you have figured out potential paths to success for him. He may need education to shore up his skills. You can suggest that he go back to school to learn a vocation or to study a subject in which he has expressed interest and potential ability.

Be careful not to recommend him for a job that you don't think he can do, as that would tarnish your professional reputation. If he asks for a recommendation, tell him what you can say and what you cannot. Your greatest gift to him will be your honesty, so that he can figure out how to improve on the skills he currently has.