DEAR HARRIETTE: A co-worker told me in confidence that she plans to call in sick to work so she can purchase tickets for an upcoming concert. Every time someone calls in sick, our individual workload increases. I'm wondering if I should tell my manager the truth. -- Potential Whistle Blower, Jersey City, N.J.

DEAR WHISTLE BLOWER: Going to the manager about this seems extreme. Instead of helping, it is likely to create negativity in the workplace for you and your co-worker.

If you feel so strongly that she is compromising your workday or that of your other co-workers, tell her directly. You can say that you understand how excited she is about the concert but that you hope she understands how much of a hardship her absence will be on the team. You can tell her that you will cover for her during her time off and that you hope she will do the same when someone else, you included, needs a little break. You will have her back so long as she doesn't make this a practice.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been in a contentious relationship for several years. Our son is going away for a week, and I'm freaking out. I'm sure my husband will want to be intimate with me, and that hasn't happened for years. I feel completely inept when it comes to that. It ended years ago when we were arguing all the time. I know it will come up. I'm not sure how to handle it.

My husband is a guy. I know he will be happy to "just do it," as the saying goes. But not me. Help! -- Frozen, Seattle

DEAR FROZEN: Unthaw enough to take control of the situation. Suggest activities outside of the house that could potentially spark tender feelings between the two of you. Go to a favorite restaurant, art gallery or a cultural event. Whatever you two have enjoyed as a couple in the past should be on your list.

Invite your husband to participate in these activities with you, and be honest. Tell him that you want to use the time when your son is away to rekindle tender feelings. If he immediately wants to skip past the foreplay to get to the end goal, slow him down.

Tell him that you realize you've been distant a long time and that the best way to get close again is to spend quality time in each other's company, so that you naturally begin to enjoy being together again.

If you are not ready to fully engage, tell him. Be sure to let him know what you are willing to do. Commit to enjoying the alone time with him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, my girlfriend and I were talking and she was being unresponsive. She wasn't really answering my questions. A couple hours later, she was fine again. I thought maybe she was upset, but she just kept saying everything was fine.

Should I have pushed the issue more if I thought she was upset, or just let it go until she was ready to talk about it? -- Confused, Laredo, Texas

DEAR CONFUSED: You already know that you can't get someone to say or do anything that he or she doesn't want to say or do. So pushing your girlfriend to answer you when she doesn't want to will usually have the same result.

What you can do is establish parameters for conversation with your girlfriend. Tell her that it makes you feel uncomfortable to talk when she does not respond. Acknowledge that pressuring her to respond is likely annoying to her. Ask if the two of you can come up with a workable solution that is respectful to both of you.

One idea is to suggest that you tell each other when you would like to talk. Ask if the other is free to talk at that time. If not, ask if you can talk a bit later. Schedule a time when you agree to pay attention to each other.

What may have happened in your situation is your girlfriend was distracted because she was doing something else or not interested in listening at that time. Instead of getting upset, schedule face time. It works.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently discovered there is someone who may be interested in me. He seems nice, and I'd like to be friends with him, but I have a boyfriend. Can I be his friend without implying that I want something more? -- Sought After, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR SOUGHT AFTER: It's nice to know that someone is interested in you. If this person seeks you out and makes an overture, feel free to respond to him, letting him know that you like him, too, and would enjoy being his friend. Say upfront that you are in a relationship and that you are happy.

It's important to be clear about this, because if your suitor has taken his time drumming up the courage to approach you, he may not be listening clearly. If he is looking at you through star-crossed eyes, he may magnify and misinterpret any glimmer of interest from you.

A great way to set the record straight from the beginning is to invite him to a gathering of friends that includes your boyfriend. Introduce them and make him a part of the group, rather than a one-on-one friend. That way the message should come through loud and clear. Good luck.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My guy friend recently confessed his love for me. I thought he was gay our entire friendship, so naturally this came as a huge shock. I don't feel the same way and don't think I ever will. I responded very awkwardly to his confession.

Is there any nice way to say "sorry, and I don't love you back"? -- Weirded Out, Bay City, Mich.

DEAR WEIRDED OUT: Isn't it interesting how our beliefs can color the way we interact with others? You felt safe being close friends with this man because you never thought of him as a potential suitor. Now the tables have turned.

You owe it to your friend to be honest. Tell him how much you value your friendship. Acknowledge that he expressed his love for you. It's very important for you to let him know that you heard him and received what he had to say. Tell him that you like or love him, too, but not in that way. Explain that you have always considered him a dear friend but that your affection for him has been and is now platonic.

I also would tell him that you had assumed he was gay. If you have any specific reasons for thinking that, you may want to be ready to tell him, if needed.

Ultimately, you need to get your sentiment across -- that you appreciate his friendship tremendously and that you are not interested in being his girlfriend.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friends are really unsupportive of my relationship with my girlfriend. We've been dating for more than a year, and they still get mad at me if I hang out with her instead of them or sometimes even if I hang out with her after I've hung out with them. It's completely irrational, and it's like I have a bunch of girlfriends now, all demanding my time. They also aren't very nice to her if we hang out in a group. How can I fix this? -- Frustrated, Rochester, N.Y.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Sit your friends down and talk to them. Tell them that you care deeply for them AND your girlfriend. Lay it out for them that they have been behaving in a childish and unnecessary way. You do not want to have to choose between your friends and your girlfriend. You would appreciate them giving her the basic respect they would desire for their partners.

Ask them directly why they have been acting so unkindly. If they have a beef with your girlfriend, urge them to tell you exactly what it is. If they are simply jealous that she is taking you away from them, let them know that what's taking you away from them is their irrational behavior.

Of course, when you are dating, you divide your time. But if they continue to be rude, you may have to choose to step away from them. Ask them if that's what they want.