DEAR HARRIETTE: I was working a new job, and my adviser was invaluable to me. I called him almost every day for input to make sure my project was successful. He always took my calls and gave me expert advice. My project turned out great.

When it was finished, he invited me to lunch and told me he had been diagnosed with cancer and had undergone major surgery while we were working together. I felt so horrible, because I never would have relied on him so much had I known he was ill. How can I show him how much I appreciate his unselfish support? And how can I stop feeling guilty for calling him so much? -- Feeling Guilty, Flint, Mich.

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: What's most important for you to remember is that your adviser chose not to tell you about his illness until your project was complete. He likely knew you would pull back from him, and he wanted to be able to fully support your effort. You did not know he was ill, and you do not need to feel guilty.

Instead, feel good about the fact that he did help you and you were able to complete your project successfully. That should make both of you proud.

To show your appreciation, stay in touch with your adviser and offer to help him in any way you can. You also can continue to do excellent work. Your adviser obviously values you and your work. Prove that his efforts on your behalf were and are worth it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: What do you do when you are in a taxi and the driver is really rude and acts like every other driver is crazy except him? I was just in a taxi, and the driver was irate -- yelling and screaming at other drivers, honking his horn and acting crazy. I was afraid to say anything because I didn't want him to yell at me.

What should I have done? Should I have demanded to get out of the car? Reported him to somebody? -- Petrified Passenger, Staten Island, N.Y.

DEAR PETRIFIED PASSENGER: I'm sorry you had such a horrifying experience. I wish I could say that such a thing is rare, but it's not. Many people who frequently use taxis in New York City have had a driver who is frustrated and in an intense emotional state. Does that make it all right? Of course not.

You could have jotted down the driver's name and ID number and reported him to the New York City Taxi and Limousine Commission. You definitely could have asked him to pull over and let you out. You would have had to pay for the fare, but for safety's sake, exiting that taxi would have been wise.

You also could have tried to distract the driver by speaking calmly to him. A person who is emotional sometimes responds positively to a soothing voice.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am an American female, and I recently went abroad to a country where women are not respected nearly as much as they are in the United States. There, women are treated as second-class citizens and as though they could never be as talented as men.

In restaurants, I always received worse service than men, and I was quick to go up to the waiter directly when he was taking too long with something. But when in a country such as that one, how should a visiting female behave? Should we conform to the standards of the country or act the way we would in America? -- Culturally Correct, Shreveport, La.

DEAR CULTURALLY CORRECT: I can understand your dismay at the way women were treated in the country you visited, but I would caution you about your reaction. Have you ever heard the saying, "When in Rome, do as the Romans do?" Well, that applies here.

It is unrealistic for you to believe that the mores of a country should change to accommodate your lifestyle, needs or beliefs. When you visit another country, you should respect its basic codes of conduct. While the waiter may have been slow to respond to you, there's a good chance he may have just been slow. If it is not customary for a woman to complain about poor service, it's likely that the service did not improve after you said something. You have to pick your battles.

Many countries have dress codes that are different from the United States. For example, in Islamic countries, it is usually preferred that women cover their heads and dress modestly. American women have run into uncomfortable situations in such countries when they have worn shorts, sleeveless shirts, low-cut tops and uncovered heads, because it is seen as disrespectful.

I would never want you to be harmed or mistreated wherever you are, but when you travel, one of the best ways to figure out how to be in that place is to observe closely. It may not make you feel good that women are not seen in the same light as they are in America, but you cannot change that in one trip. Your travels may help you to have a greater respect for the gains we have made in our own country.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work at a cheese store, and we often deliver cheese platters to people who are having special events. Recently, we delivered a platter to someone who lost a loved one. We like to follow up and receive feedback from our clients, however, in this circumstance how do we approach it? -- Treading Gently, St. Louis

DEAR TREADING GENTLY: You can follow up with a note saying that you hope the platter comforted the family and guests during their bereavement.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a big procrastinator. Whenever I have work that I don't want to do, even something as simple as the laundry, I find an excuse to not do it at that moment. Needless to say, I always regret not doing it earlier (like when I have nothing to wear and no time to do laundry before I go out). I find that once I start, it's not even that bad -- but I just can't get myself to start!

Do you have any tips to help me stop procrastinating so much? -- Delays Expected

DEAR DELAYS EXPECTED: I'm a big believer in making lists. I recommend that you write down all of your tasks, putting the ones you like the least at the top of the list. Boldface them, if that will help you to notice them. Set deadlines for each job so that you pace yourself. Check off each task when it's completed.

Schedule weekly duties such as laundry on your calendar for a particular day and time, so that the task simply becomes something you do at the same time each week. Routine helps to groom discipline.

The other key thing is to change the way you approach your responsibilities. Rather than claiming that you are a procrastinator, tell yourself that you used to be that way, but as of right now, you are changing. You have decided to handle your business, one project at a time. Then do it. When you slip, don't beat yourself up. Just go ahead and complete your tasks.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am about to graduate from high school. Lots of my friends are having graduation parties. I know it is customary to bring gifts to graduation parties, but I feel kind of strange doing that because I am graduating, too. Also, I am on a limited budget, and it will be hard for me to buy gifts for all my friends' graduations.

I don't want to be rude, but is it OK to show up to these parties empty-handed as a student? -- Graduation Frustration

DEAR GRADUATION FRUSTRATION: You do not have to bring a gift to every student's graduation party. I recommend that you give special gifts to only your good friends. You can do something special for the others who have invited you to celebrate with them. For example, give a beautiful card with a handwritten note that shares a sincere sentiment and memory of your time together in school.

If you have a photo of your friends and you, put it in a frame with a note. That could be a lovely reminder of good times in high school that may find its way into your friend's dorm room as he or she begins the transition to college.