DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a 20-year-old college student. I spend a lot of time with my friends, and they mean a lot to me. Honestly, they make going through school worthwhile. Now I have a situation that is making me uncomfortable.

A close friend who normally tells me everything is keeping a secret from me. He won't tell me, but he's told our other close friend. It hurts my feelings that he suddenly doesn't trust me with something. He told me not to ask our other friend, but I want to know what's going on. What should I do? -- Feeling Like an Outsider, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR OUTSIDER: You may not want to hear this, but I suggest you take your friend's advice. Stay out of this situation; don't butt in. I understand why you feel left out, but who knows what's going on? You don't, for sure, and it is not your business anyway.

You may really hate this, but what I strongly recommend is that instead of fixating on what's going on between your friends -- or, more accurately, with your one friend's life -- pay attention to your studies. You are in college to learn and to develop and hone the skills you need to become great at being you, while making a living at the same time. Distractions, including whatever is going on with your friends, can easily keep you from focusing on your goal.

Yes, you want to be a good person, which implies being a good friend. The challenge is to keep your priorities in order. Be a friend by letting your friends know that you care and that you want to be supportive. Be a good you by buckling down and doing your schoolwork to the best of your ability.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been talking to and seeing a guy for about a month. We've both made it clear that we don't want anything too sexual yet. I really appreciate that attitude, because it makes it easier for me to relax with him.

But the thing is, the second I did get relaxed with him, I got a scary invitation to spend the night in his apartment next week. Is it too soon? I'm 22 years old and on my own now, but I have never crossed that line. Is now the time? -- Virgin, Rye, N.Y.

DEAR VIRGIN: I commend you for your decision thus far to remain a virgin. If it is your intention to remain so, I caution you not to spend the night at any man's house, especially one who is your love interest. Putting yourself in such a compromising situation will have either frustrating or devastating results. Neither is worth it.

DEAR READERS: As a writer myself, I found many of your responses to a recent question about writer's block compelling enough to run some of your suggestions on how to push past this challenging moment. Here is your collective wisdom:

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have to take partial exception to your answer to "Writer's Block." While your ideas regarding improving skills are great ones, you left out entirely the idea of collaborating with a professional to get started. Someone with "a million and one ideas" may not have all the time required to work through the course of study you suggest prior to getting those ideas on the page.

I am a self-employed language services provider, and I happily work with people in WB's situation all the time, providing a range of services from copy editing to coaching/encouragement to full-on ghost writing. Immersion in language building via study is a great way to move forward, but it certainly can be augmented with actual production if a professional is involved. -- English Language Expert, Chicago

DEAR ENGLISH LANGUAGE EXPERT: That's a great point that I didn't consider. Indeed, a whole industry exists to support people who want to tell their stories but who aren't actually writers. Help is near for those who want a ghost writer or who simply need assistance in developing their writing skills.

DEAR HARRIETTE: If "Writer's Block" is hesitant about classes, I suggest finding a copy of "English 3200." It is self-paced, although as a high school freshman I had only the first semester to complete the book. -- By the Book, Shreveport, La.

DEAR BY THE BOOK: There are many books that can help new writers, including the one you recommend. There also are online options. I believe your voice adds inspiration, because it proves that even at your young age, fear can set in, but you don't have to succumb to it!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a slightly different response to "Writer's Block," who was concerned about putting her "million and one" ideas on paper because of potential grammatical errors. The single best way to overcome a phobia of writing is to simply write. A trick that I use is to write or type as fast as possible, without reading what goes down on the screen or the page. Then I put the pages aside to cool -- no reading them until four or five days have passed.

If "Writer's Block" will try this for a few days, she will discover that the power of a million and one ideas trumps any grammatical errors every time. There is plenty of time for correcting and editing, and lots of tools to help once something is on the page. -- Just Do It, Salt Lake City

DEAR JUST DO IT: I love your idea. I often "just write" when I know there's something in me that needs to come out but I can't express it in the form I would like. A good editor can help with grammar. Everyone should learn grammar, in my book, but a great start is to write.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am having some problems with one of my oldest friends. I have known her since elementary school, and we are very close. However, I am coming to the realization that she puts no effort into our relationship. It seems like I am the one who always makes plans. As with all my friends, I am happy to do her favors and other kindnesses, even if I am inconvenienced, but it seems like she would never do anything for me that does not benefit her in some way.

For example, she recently texted me, asking if I was free for dinner one night. I was surprised and quite happy that she was reaching out to me, but my hopes were deflated after I received another message asking me to bring her some clothing that I previously had said I would give her. It seems she was interested in me only to get some T-shirts out of it. What should I do? -- Suspicious of Motives

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: One way to keep yourself from going crazy is to accept that people are the way they are. If this friend has always been a taker, she isn't suddenly going to become different because you are tired of her behavior. She is the way she is.

You, however, don't have to be as accommodating as you have been, especially if it upsets you. So, for example, you could go to dinner but not bring the clothes. If you start breaking the covenant you two have established -- one in which you are always the giver -- your friend may begin to adjust her behavior.

Should you tell her how you feel? You can if you want, but don't expect her to change her course. She may not be aware enough of her behavior to change even if she wanted to.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my best friends just lost a relative to whom he was very close. I want to be able to help him in whatever way I can. The thing is, he has totally shut down. He isn't returning any of my calls. I know he is a private person, but I also know that during a time of great loss, people often rely on their friends. How can I get him to let me help? -- Shut Out, Scarsdale, N.Y.

DEAR SHUT OUT: Unfortunately, you cannot force your friend to accept your help. You can continue to reach out. You can leave voice messages expressing your love and support. You can send emails. But not too many -- you don't want to become a stalker.

I'm sure you have made it clear that you are prepared to help. If he decides to reach out, do whatever he asks without admonishing him. He is grieving, and grief can express itself in so many ways. Just be there for him and don't take his distance personally.