DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend and I broke up last year. She found out, months after the breakup, that during our relationship I cheated on her twice by kissing another girl. She hasn't tried to talk to me about it since she found out; I know she found out only because we have mutual friends who told me.

Lately I've been missing her -- not in a romantic way, just having her as a friend and someone in my life. Is there any way I could get her friendship back? -- Lonely, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR LONELY: You can't get anything back until you apologize for your behavior. Since your mutual friends have let you know that your ex is aware of your indiscretion, reach out to her. Tell her that you are sorry you betrayed her and hurt her feelings. Ask how she's doing. Listen to learn her state of mind.

You should be prepared to talk about the demise of your relationship. Why did you break up? Are you clear on the reasons? Was your cheating a part of it? To the best of your ability, be ready to articulate why you think the two of you are not together.

If you honestly believe that you want to be friends, you can tell her you miss her friendship. Ask if she would like to try to be friends. Be clear that you aren't asking her to be your girlfriend but that you would like to be able to talk to her sometimes.

You already hurt her once. Don't do it again by luring her with the possibility of a friendship that could turn into something more. Be crystal clear about your intentions, and honor whatever choice she makes.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm currently in prison. I'm writing to you for some help. I have a dream of becoming a songwriter, and my ultimate goal is to be a professional musician. I'm 24 years old, and by the time I get out of prison I will be 37. Do you think I would be able to pursue a career in music? -- Chasing a Dream, Orangeburg, S.C.

DEAR CHASING A DREAM: It's important for you to believe that you can completely transform your life, especially after you get out of prison. Use your time there to write songs and learn as much about music and the music industry as you can. Stay on the pulse of what touches people's hearts, because that's usually the kind of message that lives in popular music.

You have a long time to wait before being released. Make a timeline of tasks you can complete that will bring you closer to your goal, and check them off one by one. Research record companies and publishing houses that may be of interest to you when you shop your music. Find out if there are any music programs in your facility that can support you as you work on your music. Don't give up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a married wife (25 years old) with a small child and one on the way. My husband and I live in a small, three-story apartment. We know most of the people living around us, including the divorced woman (about 45) living directly below our apartment.

A few nights ago she brought home a guy. The weather was warm, and we had our windows open for the night. This lady had her bedroom windows open as well. In the middle of the night, my husband and I could hear this woman and the man having sex. It was disgusting.

This isn't the first time this has happened. While she is free to bring home whomever she wants, she should keep quiet any and all sounds between the two of them. How do I politely tell her that we can hear her and that she should close her windows for privacy? -- Sound-Proof, Lake Charles, La.

DEAR SOUND-PROOF: I believe your gripe with this woman is not just about the fact that you hear her having sex, but also that you don't approve of her having sex with whomever. I know you say you don't care, but your letter sounds as if you do.

So, for starters, I want you to let go of any judgment you have about her. Otherwise, whenever you communicate with her, you may come across as insulting. Keep your goal in mind: no more sex sounds.

It's likely your neighbor doesn't realize that she can be heard, and there's a good chance she may be embarrassed to know that you hear her. Approach her with the belief that she will be surprised and will be interested in resolving the matter.

You can speak to her privately and ask that she close her window during those personal moments. Or slip a note under her door telling her your concerns.

Now, there is a chance it won't work. She may not care. If that's the case, you can either close your window or get a white-noise machine to help dull the sounds coming from her window into yours.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Before my mother passed away from her long battle with lung cancer, she and my father renewed their wedding vows on her deathbed. It was the most amazing experience in my life, and I cried like a baby seeing my father renew his wedding vows.

My relationship with my father has not been the best over the past few years, and I would like to make it better. What are some ways I can improve the relationship? -- For the Love of Mom, Chicago

DEAR FOR THE LOVE OF MOM: Choose to spend time with your father. Ask him to tell you stories of his relationship with your mother: how they met, when they fell in love, what it was like when you were young. Get him to travel down memory lane. That should warm him up.

Tell him stories about your life. Storytelling is a great way to connect with loved ones and may become the salve that heals and strengthens your bond.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just read your answer to "Puzzled Waiter" in the Chicago Tribune, and I feel I need to respond. When you wrote that "many health professionals suggest that moderate alcohol consumption later in a pregnancy could be safe," I could not believe what I was reading. This type of thinking needs to change. There is no amount of drinking by a pregnant woman that would be considered safe for her developing baby.

Alcohol consumption by a pregnant woman during any part of her pregnancy puts the child at a very real risk for fetal alcohol spectrum disorder (FASD). Because, as you say, "every woman's body reacts differently to alcohol," it is NEVER OK for the pregnant woman to drink during her pregnancy. Any amount of alcohol that the woman consumes will get into the brain of the developing fetus and will cause lifelong deficits. The extent of those deficits is what makes FASD a very pervasive and life-altering disorder. FASD is also the most preventable disorder -- by simply not drinking during the pregnancy.

Some children born with fetal alcohol spectrum disorder are diagnosed with autism, Asperger's syndrome or attention deficit disorder, or have mental retardation so severe they will never be able to live normal lives. They may not be able to live independently as adults. FASD encompasses all of these disorders and can be mistaken for any one of them. FASD is more far-reaching, invasive and debilitating than any of these other disorders.

Some of the "milder" deficits of FASD are almost always some type of math or reading disability. Some other effects are short-term memory problems, inadequate social skills, below-average intelligence or other cognitive learning disabilities, and very rigid or "black and white" thinking.

A fetal-alcohol-affected brain will be smaller than a normal brain. As an example, look at two different pieces of Swiss cheese, and imagine the holes in each of those pieces of cheese to be the areas of a person's brain that were affected by the mother's drinking during pregnancy. Each of those holes is a deficit in thinking, reasoning and functioning, and the extent of the deficit is determined by when and how much drinking happened during the pregnancy.

You are correct when you said (and I am paraphrasing), "It is not wise for this woman to drink while pregnant." We, as responsible human beings, have a fundamental duty to act in good conscience by suggesting to someone who is willing to drink while pregnant that she not take that drink for the health of the developing baby. I believe "Puzzled Waiter" had a duty to tell this patron not to drink since she was obviously pregnant.

Doctors, other health professionals and anyone who works with or serves the needs of pregnant women need to educate and inform women about the very real effects of drinking during pregnancy. With knowledge comes empowerment and action. -- Adoptive Mother of a Fetal-Alcohol-Affected Child, Lombard, Ill.

DEAR ADOPTIVE MOTHER: Thank you for your detailed response. I trust that your passion and knowledge may save a life.