DEAR HARRIETTE: I carpooled to a party with some friends recently. The driver had quite a few drinks, and I really didn't want to ride back with him, but when I offered to drive, he got irate. We got home safely, but I wonder what a better way to handle this would have been. I know I risked my life by getting in that car. -- In Jeopardy, Chicago

DEAR IN JEOPARDY: This is an example of why I think you should always carry extra money. Never put yourself in a position where you have to get into an unsafe car. Have enough cash or a credit card to get a taxi or car service to take you home.

You could have asked the others who were carpooling with you to help you wrestle the keys from the driver. Together, your group may have been able to get him to listen.

You may want to check in with the driver to let him know that you are grateful everyone made it home safely but that you are sincerely concerned about his actions. Tell him you think he was intoxicated and it was unsafe for him to drive. Suggest that in the future he not drink and drive and that, if it inadvertently happens again, he should turn over the keys. He may not want to hear this, but we are talking about the possibility of saving multiple lives. Now is the time to step up.

You already know how lucky you are. Don't make the same mistake twice. If you carpool again, identify a designated driver in advance. Agree up-front who will not drink and will ensure that everyone gets home safely. But don't use the designated driver as license to be a passenger who gets drunk. Remain responsible.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Changing one's diet can dramatically improve or even cure acne. Try going off wheat, sugar and dairy. The reader's daughter who is suffering with acne may have celiac disease or be gluten- or lactose-intolerant. Also, stop drinking soda pop. -- Acne-Free, Chicago

DEAR ACNE-FREE: You make a great point: What you eat can directly affect the health of your skin. Eliminating or reducing sugar can be helpful to teens' overall health and may help to reduce the frequency of acne outbreaks.

It is important to remember that acne usually occurs in teens because of hormonal changes during puberty. Visiting a dermatologist can be incredibly helpful for anyone suffering with acne. Also, taking your teen to an internist for a complete physical can help you identify exactly what's going on in your teen's body. If there is another underlying condition, a medical doctor can help to identify it and recommend treatment.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son was invited to spend the weekend with one of his classmates at their country home. He is excited to go. He hasn't done anything like this before. As I get him ready, I'm wondering if I should give the family money for food or for whatever activities they may do together. I don't want to presume anything. My son is 12. What is the protocol here? -- Stepping Out, Schaumburg, Ill.

DEAR STEPPING OUT: Give your son money for the weekend. That way, if the family goes out and he needs money, he will have it.

Generally speaking, though, when a child is invited to spend the weekend with a family, the family takes care of the expenses such as food and other activities. If an expensive activity is part of the agenda and you are expected to foot the bill, the family should let you know in advance.

I think it's safe for you to relax and know that your child will be well cared for. Have him send a thank-you note upon his return. You should call to say "thank you" as well.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've noticed that an older woman who goes to my church has gained a lot of weight, but she's still wearing her same clothes. The skirts are now hiking up in the back and drooping in the front. It's not a good look. I like her so much and want to help her, but I feel like she will think I am being rude. She is a pillar in our church.

We have a seniors group where we talk about ways we can support one another. I was thinking I might be able to bring up this topic at the group generically without speaking directly to her. What do you think about that approach? Or should I speak to her directly? I am a senior, too, so I know how challenging it can be to grow old gracefully. -- Fashion Faux Pas, Cincinnati

DEAR FASHION FAUX PAS: This is a tricky situation. I like your idea of the seniors group -- if you have more than one thing to mention that really does affect other members of your congregation. I say that because, if it's obvious this woman is the one with the fashion challenge, it will just call attention to her publicly, which could be hurtful.

If you think you can speak to this woman without judgment, go for it. Ask to speak with her privately. Tell her you have noticed something you want to bring to her attention, namely, that her skirts are fitting differently. Suggest that she go to the local tailor to have the hems evened out.

You can bring up this touchy subject by speaking about yourself. If you have had a fashion challenge in recent years, tell her how you handled it. Compliment her on her style and recommend that with a little altering, her outfits can be perfect once more.

DEAR HARRIETTE: There has been some talk in the media lately about "hipster racism" -- where someone is "ironically" racist to show that they are, in fact, not racist at all. Lots of my friends have said things that fall under "hipster racism," but I think some of what they say is just straight-out racist. Even if they are just trying to be funny, that doesn't make it any less offensive, in my opinion.

What is the best way to let them know that I don't think their jokes are funny? -- Indie Idealist, Westchester, N.Y.

DEAR INDIE IDEALIST: I firmly believe that people should stop using racist terms, period. I don't believe that using irony, satire or any other tongue-in-cheek form of race talk is smart, cute or funny. Does that make me or anyone sharing my view "too sensitive"? I don't think so. Racially charged talk so easily can pull a delicate scab off the old wound of racial inequality in this country.

A national discussion is occurring now regarding the term "hipster racism." Apparently this term was coined in 2006 by a writer at Racialicious.com, and it was explored in detail recently on the blog Jezebel.com. It refers to people saying racially charged things straight out, as if that neutralizes the words' power. I don't buy it.

To answer your question, I would directly and immediately tell your friends when you find their words offensive. You could turn it back on them with a question: "Do you really think that's funny?" or, "I don't know why you think it's cool to say that, but it's not. Please stop."

You can also decide not to hang with them if they won't cut it out. Just be sure to tell them your reason for stepping away, if that's your decision. Don't assume they can read your tea leaves.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 10-year-old daughter constantly asks me to buy things for her. I have always been generous, but she's getting out of control. She wants to go shopping every weekend. She sees something she wants and frets if I won't buy it. I don't want her to become greedy. How can I curb this behavior? -- Guarding the Pocketbook, Shreveport, La.

DEAR GUARDING THE POCKETBOOK: This is what is called a teachable moment. While you may get attitude from your daughter for a while, the solution is actually quite simple: Stop buying her stuff every week or every time she asks. If she whines, so what?

Explain that you love her and are happy to purchase things for her sometimes but that she should scale back her shopping expectations. Establish times when you will shop for her: for a special event, for holiday and birthday gifts, for occasional treats.

Give her a small weekly allowance. Have her save part of it, and give her permission to spend part of it on herself. This will teach her how quickly money goes if you don't hold onto it.