DEAR HARRIETTE: My son was invited to spend the weekend with one of his classmates at their country home. He is excited to go. He hasn't done anything like this before. As I get him ready, I'm wondering if I should give the family money for food or for whatever activities they may do together. I don't want to presume anything. My son is 12. What is the protocol here? -- Stepping Out, Schaumburg, Ill.

DEAR STEPPING OUT: Give your son money for the weekend. That way, if the family goes out and he needs money, he will have it.

Generally speaking, though, when a child is invited to spend the weekend with a family, the family takes care of the expenses such as food and other activities. If an expensive activity is part of the agenda and you are expected to foot the bill, the family should let you know in advance.

I think it's safe for you to relax and know that your child will be well cared for. Have him send a thank-you note upon his return. You should call to say "thank you" as well.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've noticed that an older woman who goes to my church has gained a lot of weight, but she's still wearing her same clothes. The skirts are now hiking up in the back and drooping in the front. It's not a good look. I like her so much and want to help her, but I feel like she will think I am being rude. She is a pillar in our church.

We have a seniors group where we talk about ways we can support one another. I was thinking I might be able to bring up this topic at the group generically without speaking directly to her. What do you think about that approach? Or should I speak to her directly? I am a senior, too, so I know how challenging it can be to grow old gracefully. -- Fashion Faux Pas, Cincinnati

DEAR FASHION FAUX PAS: This is a tricky situation. I like your idea of the seniors group -- if you have more than one thing to mention that really does affect other members of your congregation. I say that because, if it's obvious this woman is the one with the fashion challenge, it will just call attention to her publicly, which could be hurtful.

If you think you can speak to this woman without judgment, go for it. Ask to speak with her privately. Tell her you have noticed something you want to bring to her attention, namely, that her skirts are fitting differently. Suggest that she go to the local tailor to have the hems evened out.

You can bring up this touchy subject by speaking about yourself. If you have had a fashion challenge in recent years, tell her how you handled it. Compliment her on her style and recommend that with a little altering, her outfits can be perfect once more.

DEAR HARRIETTE: There has been some talk in the media lately about "hipster racism" -- where someone is "ironically" racist to show that they are, in fact, not racist at all. Lots of my friends have said things that fall under "hipster racism," but I think some of what they say is just straight-out racist. Even if they are just trying to be funny, that doesn't make it any less offensive, in my opinion.

What is the best way to let them know that I don't think their jokes are funny? -- Indie Idealist, Westchester, N.Y.

DEAR INDIE IDEALIST: I firmly believe that people should stop using racist terms, period. I don't believe that using irony, satire or any other tongue-in-cheek form of race talk is smart, cute or funny. Does that make me or anyone sharing my view "too sensitive"? I don't think so. Racially charged talk so easily can pull a delicate scab off the old wound of racial inequality in this country.

A national discussion is occurring now regarding the term "hipster racism." Apparently this term was coined in 2006 by a writer at Racialicious.com, and it was explored in detail recently on the blog Jezebel.com. It refers to people saying racially charged things straight out, as if that neutralizes the words' power. I don't buy it.

To answer your question, I would directly and immediately tell your friends when you find their words offensive. You could turn it back on them with a question: "Do you really think that's funny?" or, "I don't know why you think it's cool to say that, but it's not. Please stop."

You can also decide not to hang with them if they won't cut it out. Just be sure to tell them your reason for stepping away, if that's your decision. Don't assume they can read your tea leaves.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 10-year-old daughter constantly asks me to buy things for her. I have always been generous, but she's getting out of control. She wants to go shopping every weekend. She sees something she wants and frets if I won't buy it. I don't want her to become greedy. How can I curb this behavior? -- Guarding the Pocketbook, Shreveport, La.

DEAR GUARDING THE POCKETBOOK: This is what is called a teachable moment. While you may get attitude from your daughter for a while, the solution is actually quite simple: Stop buying her stuff every week or every time she asks. If she whines, so what?

Explain that you love her and are happy to purchase things for her sometimes but that she should scale back her shopping expectations. Establish times when you will shop for her: for a special event, for holiday and birthday gifts, for occasional treats.

Give her a small weekly allowance. Have her save part of it, and give her permission to spend part of it on herself. This will teach her how quickly money goes if you don't hold onto it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just got invited to my neighbor's high school graduation party. I do not really know her that well, and I have never been to a graduation party before as an adult. Should I bring a gift for her or the family? If so, what should I bring? -- Clueless, Seattle

DEAR CLUELESS: It's lovely that you get to celebrate this rite of passage with your neighbors. And, yes, it is appropriate for you to bring a gift for the graduate.

Inspiring the graduate to think outside the box is a great gift. So ask yourself what might be an unusual gift that a young person could appreciate now or in the future.

Often high school graduates are headed away for college. A lovely gift could be a gift certificate to a popular restaurant you think the graduate would enjoy, either in your city or near the new campus, in an amount large enough for a few people to attend. You could create the party after the party!

Practical items for college that you may want to consider are gift certificates for the college bookstore, a gift certificate to buy items for the dorm, or even a gift certificate at a favorite clothing store to buy clothes for college.

Financial gifts are always welcome. Think of gifts that could have long-term impact, such as a safe U.S. Treasury bond or a few shares of stock in a promising company.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just finished school for the year, and I now have the whole summer off. This is the first time in as long as I can remember that I have no job, internship or trip planned. With nothing on my schedule, I am afraid that I will just end up watching TV and wasting these next few months. What are a few things I can do to stay busy? -- Bored, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR BORED: You are wise to be thinking about this, because it is true that time can slip by if you aren't paying attention.

I'm a big believer in dreaming big and writing down a plan to make those dreams come true. Take a moment to imagine what you might be able to do this summer. What interests you? What about your community inspires you? If these questions spark ideas, write them down and do your best to figure out how to make them become reality.

Service is always a compelling way to spend your time. You may want to volunteer to help at an assisted living facility where older people live. Often they don't have a lot of visitors and may be lonely. A visit from a young person could bring sunshine. Same goes for your local hospital. You could ask about visiting the children's ward and spending time reading to the patients or playing with them.

If you have a friend or neighbor who has a job that appeals to you, ask to shadow the person at his or her workplace for a day or even a week. In other words, create a mini-internship for yourself.

You may be able to resist the TV by going to the library and exploring books that are of interest to you. Challenge yourself to read 10 books before summer is over. Consider creating a book club with other friends who may also be bored.