DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 17-year-old girl. My mother and I have been arguing a lot lately. It seems like every time I see her, we get into a fight about something.

Recently, my mother complained that the smell of my perfume was giving her a headache. She says this about every perfume I wear. Or my mom gets mad if she asks me to do a chore and I don't do it right away because I'm doing homework or I already have plans or commitments. If I don't do what she asks immediately, I get grounded.

How do I stop this without flat-out avoiding her? -- Chored-Out, Scarsdale, N.Y.

DEAR CHORED-OUT: It's natural for teens and moms to have moments of friction and frustration. The best thing you can do is to realize that both of you have heated emotions about certain things. How you handle them is what's important. It helps to put yourself in your mother's shoes for a minute.

Your mother could be sensitive to fragrance, especially if it's new for you to wear it. You could apply less perfume or not wear it at all while you are at home. It also could be that your mother associates perfume with adulthood, and that the smell of it makes her uncomfortable about how you are blossoming into a young woman. If that's the case, your mother's reaction is more emotional than rational, and all you can do is ride it out. Over time, she may soften to the idea.

As for your chores: There's no way you reached 17 years old without knowing what your basic chores are. That means your mother shouldn't have to remind you of them or urge you to complete them. Even if she adds a chore to your schedule, do it. If you complete the task and then jump back into your homework or previously scheduled activity, you will earn a lot of respect from your mother, which will likely earn you more freedom. It really is worth it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends, whose daughter is very close to mine, recently hit a financial rough spot. The family needs to move to a different town to cut costs, and my daughter has been asking a lot of questions about why they are moving. Until now, I have been skirting the issue, but I have to tell her something. What should I tell my daughter so that I am not lying to her but also do not embarrass my friends on this private issue? -- Awkward, Seattle

DEAR AWKWARD: I think you should speak to your friend and ask for her wisdom. It may be uncomfortable, but I imagine your friend would appreciate being able to provide the narrative for what's happening in her life.

I recently talked to a woman at my daughter's school whose family is doing the very same thing. This mom explained to her children and to other friends that they were moving to make a lifestyle change. She made it positive, so everyone is excited for them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who recently completely changed her eating habits and lost a lot of weight. While I think it is great that she wants to be healthy, I sometimes worry that she does not eat enough. Also, diet and exercise seem to consume her life, to the extent that where we eat and what we do has to be planned around what she will or will not eat and when she goes to the gym.

I just want her to relax a little! How do I say this to her without sounding like I am accusing her of having an eating disorder or seeming jealous? -- Hungry for My Friend, Chicago

DEAR HUNGRY: I think you should grin and bear it for a bit. Your friend is in the early stages of a major life change. Very often when people lose a dramatic amount of weight, they are so concerned they will gain it back that they design their lives around their eating and exercising schedule. Unfortunately, such behavioral changes can affect their friendships.

The good news is that in most instances, people get into a groove with their new regimen and relax a bit. Then it is much easier for friends to enjoy each other without feeling put upon to live based on the reformed friend's schedule.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a high school athlete and am recovering from a torn ACL. I had surgery to repair it a few months ago, and technically I can begin playing sports again soon. My coach is eager to have me back and wants to get me playing again as soon as possible.

I love my sport, but I do not feel comfortable going back on the field yet. I know my coach will be angry about this since I am medically cleared, and might even kick me off the team. Should I just get over it and play, or is there a way to tell my coach and still stay on the team? -- Injured and Scared, Cincinnati

DEAR INJURED AND SCARED: Step one is for you to talk to your personal physician (not a team doctor) about your concerns. Do your best to learn what he or she thinks your risks might be in going back on the field.

Next, engage your parents as your advocates. Explain your concerns, and talk to them about what's going on for you emotionally and physically.

Ask your parents to meet with you and the coach to talk about your options. You may not get thrown off the team if you make it clear that you want to return but are not ready yet, especially if a doctor agrees with you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in an exotic location, even though it's simply where I'm from and where I live. I went to school in the U.S., and many of my friends from school like to come and visit me. When they come, they expect me to host them for their entire vacation. It's almost like they think my home is their hotel.

Don't get me wrong. I want to see my friends, but I am not a travel agent or a bed-and-breakfast. I can't really afford to host them the way they expect, and I also have to work. I can't be off the whole time they are at my house. But they don't seem to understand this, and they get mad at me. What should I say to them? -- Not a Hotel, St. Thomas, Virgin Islands

DEAR NOT A HOTEL: It's time to speak plainly to your friends. Tell them how much you love them and appreciate them coming to visit, but state plainly that you are not a hotel. Tell them you hope they will continue to come to visit but that you need them to understand your parameters. Then lay them out.

Establish a length for visits. Describe how you hope the meals will go -- with everyone pitching in so that you don't become the sole cook or provider of meals. Talk about what you have to do while they are in town, especially if you have to work. Remind them that they are coming for vacation, but this is where you live and work. Be clear with them. You may find out that some of them may choose to stay in a hotel and visit with you rather than crashing at your place the whole time, especially if you make it clear that they cannot have free run of your house, refrigerator and time.

You don't have to feel bad about this. Remember: Your home is not a hotel, and you are not an innkeeper. You are a friend, and a good friend at that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a misunderstanding with my next-door neighbor, who has been a dear friend for many years. I hosted an event for my colleagues at my home and did not invite her. She thought I was having a party for friends and got her feelings hurt.

When I reached out to her to talk the next day, I learned she was upset. I was really surprised, because as much as we like each other, neither of us invites the other to every event we have.

I don't think she should have been invited to this event, but I feel bad that she's upset. How can I help her to feel better? -- Next-Door Neighbor, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOR: Invite your neighbor over for tea and chat with her about the event. Tell her that you hosted a gathering of colleagues and tell her a little bit about the event. Then tell her that you think she's upset because she wasn't invited. Remind her that both of you host events for different groups. Sometimes it's right to be included, sometimes not. Assure her that you love her just as much. The end.