DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a grandma who had a bilateral mastectomy five months ago. My daughter-in-law brought my two grandsons, ages 7 and 10, to visit me once as I recovered at home, but she has no time for me now.

They live about 45 minutes away and she does not work, but I am expected to go to their house after I make an appointment for a "playdate." She claims they are too busy. Yet she takes my grandsons to her folks' house several times a week. At a birthday party last night, which I attended, her father was making arrangements for frequent golf outings with my older grandson without difficulty.

I love my grandsons and would like there to be some parity in visitation. They were part of my motivation to survive. Now they are unavailable to me.

We have asked them to save the date for a cancer walk and other occasions to meet us, and have paid for the admissions. But I saw these dates were not even marked on my daughter-in-law's calendar, and they have not responded to my invitations.

This has caused me great grief. My son has not intervened. -- Lonely Grandma, Seattle

DEAR LONELY GRANDMA: I'm so sorry that your family does not understand how much you need them right now. I wonder if they are nervous about being around someone who is recovering. Sometimes being around "sick" people makes the "healthy" people uncomfortable. Of course, that doesn't make such behavior right.

If you used to regularly enjoy your grandchildren's company and that has changed dramatically, I think you need to point that out to your son. Let him know that you have noticed you don't get to see his children much at all. Point out the difference in visiting schedules, and plead with him to make time for you to see them. Let him know how important the boys were in your recovery.

If they never visited regularly, you need to recalibrate your expectations. Unfortunately, it is not unusual for the mother of a son to see his family less frequently than the mother of a daughter. Fair? No. But it's often true. If that's the case for you, take a deep breath and ask differently.

Also, go ahead and visit your son's family when you have the energy so that you can see your grandchildren. Make it work for you even if you don't think it's fair. Stay strong and healthy!

DEAR HARRIETTE: Regarding the guy in prison who just found God and asked you which books to read: This would have been a wonderful opportunity to encourage him to read his Bible, join a prison ministry or seek out more people who know the Lord. There are books out there by authors like Max Lucado that will help you understand the Lord. -- Blessings, Chicago

DEAR BLESSINGS: The Bible is a treasure trove of insight, knowledge and guidance on how to live an honorable life. It absolutely is perfect for this man to read as he explores his spirituality.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My assistant of two years will be leaving me soon, and I have a concern. She has been completely loyal for the time she has worked with me, and I appreciate that. She also has all of my passwords and other sensitive information because it was part of her job.

I'm wondering if I should change all of the passwords and the locks, etc. I don't have any reason to believe she would do something to harm me or my business, but if she's not working for me anymore, shouldn't I make it so that she doesn't have access to my records? -- Turning the Page, Seattle

DEAR TURNING THE PAGE: Security specialists typically recommend that passwords for email addresses be changed frequently. At some companies it is mandatory to change them every 90 days. For sure, you should change all of your passwords. You also should change your locks.

It's great that you have had a positive relationship with your assistant. Protecting your files and other assets by updating your security measures in no way reflects on her. So shrug off the notion that you are doing anything wrong.

Celebrate your assistant as she leaves you, and take care of your business as any professional should.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter (a senior in high school) was invited to go on spring break with friends from her high school. They are going to Florida. I keep hearing the news reports of wild teenagers getting in trouble at those kinds of things, and I am nervous.

My daughter tends to be very well-behaved, and she talks to me about her friends and her life all the time. But I know peer pressure can be hard to resist. I don't want to tell my daughter "no," but I'm also concerned. How can I make a decision? -- Worried, Washington, D.C.

DEAR WORRIED: I fully understand your concern. Peer pressure is real, and sometimes even the best behaved of the bunch can buckle under it. That said, your daughter is at the age where she is about to be on her own. Hopefully, you have taught her along the way about the importance of making smart decisions.

Sit down with your daughter and talk to her about the upcoming trip. Ask her to tell you what she thinks the activities will be. Ask if she has any concerns about what may happen on the trip. Express your concerns about what you have heard happens at some spring-break activities. Ask her what she thinks she will do if her peers begin to participate in activities that might be dangerous.

Don't grill your daughter; just talk. Tell her you trust her, and remind her that it can be hard to make smart choices when others are doing other things. Remind her that she can always pick up the phone and call you, at any time of day or night, if she needs help.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who constantly borrows things from me without asking. If he's at my house, he will use my stereo or my Xbox without asking. I find it very rude, but I don't want to sound mean. What should I do? --It's My Stuff, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR IT'S MY STUFF: I don't exactly consider (BEGIN ITALS)using(END ITALS) your stereo or Xbox the same as (BEGIN ITALS)borrowing(END ITALS) them. Your friend probably has no idea that you consider it a violation for him to use your electronics when he is at your house. I bet he thinks you are a great host to even have them so that he can enjoy himself.

If it truly irks you that he uses your electronics -- or anything else at your home -- without first asking, you can either put them away or tell him they are off-limits for now. You could also tell him he has to ask you first before using them, but since you have not told him that before, he may become confused as to why it's an issue now.

If he hogs your electronics so that you cannot enjoy them with him, that's another issue. If that is the case, you can tell him after a period of time that it's your turn.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have had feelings for this guy, "Frank," for a long time. He and I have had a history of flirting and having feelings for each other.

He recently got a girlfriend, and he still continues to flirt with me. It makes me uncomfortable, but he claims that it is not wrong to flirt with other people while in a relationship. I think it is wrong and don't reciprocate. I feel guilty, though, because he still flirts. What should I do? -- Flirted Out, Shreveport, La.

DEAR FLIRTED OUT: If you still have feelings for Frank, that could be why you feel guilty. If your feelings are unresolved, it may even hurt your feelings that he now has a girlfriend. Whatever the case may be, you are not able to control Frank's actions.

He has told you that basically he can have his cake and eat it, too. He can actually accomplish that only if you respond in a positive way to his flirtation. So continue to ignore his overtures as you have been.

If you feel the need to say anything to him because he continues to flirt with you, tell him that he made his choice. You can tell him that you had thought the two of you might explore your feelings for each other, but now that he has decided to choose someone else to be his girlfriend, all bets are off with you.

I'm sorry he didn't make the choice that you seem to have wanted, but now is your time to accept the facts and move on. Continuing to flirt with this man will only prolong your bruised feelings.