DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a baby sitter/nanny for several families. The kids are all young and at the age when, from years of experience, I've noticed they develop manners and learn from others. However, it can be difficult to enforce any manners or teach them how to behave, because they are not my kids. I do not know if it is my place to say anything, especially when I am watching the kids and the parents are present.

On the job, I have had a parent get upset with me for telling a child to apologize for hitting his sister. These parents do not often discipline their children, which can make my job a lot more difficult. Other families tend to encourage manners and good behavior, but I still do not know the boundaries of what I can tell the children. Where can I step in, and where is the line drawn? -- Good-Mannered Nanny, Staten Island, N.Y.

DEAR NANNY: It is the job of baby sitters and nannies to ensure that children are safe and healthy while in their care, and that naturally means offering some amount of discipline.

Yes, it can get tricky when you are in the company of a parent and the child acts up. In the case where a parent got upset when you corrected a child, I bet the parent was embarrassed that you handled it instead of him or her.

I have a few recommendations. First, do what you normally do: Take care of the child. You could also say, within the parent's earshot, "Ask your mommy (or daddy) if what you did is appropriate." That way, you include the parent in the course of disciplining the child.

Another step you could take is to talk to the parent about discipline strategies. Suggest that when you are unsure how to handle a situation, you will check in with the parent to see where he or she stands on the issue.

If you find that you and the parents cannot have a meeting of the minds, you are probably not well suited to take care of those children.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Per a recent letter from a woman whose boyfriend never lets her pay when they go out: Each person paying his or her own way does not sound like a date to me. I would be curious who makes the arrangements for the dates.

If "Equal Opportunity Girlfriend" wishes to pay for something, maybe she could take him out sometimes, and he could take her sometimes. In setting up the date, she should contact him and state that it is her date and she will pay for it. -- Practical, Chicago

DEAR PRACTICAL: I like your idea. I also like the idea of devising dates that are free or inexpensive. If couples get creative and explore their hometown, take walks or go on other expeditions, they can have fun without squabbling over the bill.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My college boyfriend and I have been dating for a few months, and we really like each other. Summer is approaching, and we will be separated the entire time. People have suggested asking my parents if he can come to our state and stay with us in our home. I have had friends whose parents let them do this, but my parents are pretty strict.

Is it weird to ask if my boyfriend can stay with us for a few days so I don't have to go four months without seeing him in person? -- Already Missing My Man, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR ALREADY MISSING MY MAN: You know your parents the best, so you likely know how open they would be to having your boyfriend stay at your home.

I like the idea. I think you should introduce it to your parents by saying that you would like for your boyfriend to meet them and that you want to see him at some point during the summer. Be honest. Tell them what you like about this young man, and share stories that illustrate his good qualities. Make it clear that you think they will like him, too.

If you have a guest room in your home, point out that he could stay in that room. Suggest options that show your parents you respect them and their rules.

Some parents allow visiting boyfriends or girlfriends to stay in the same room as their hosts. I can tell you that I would not do that. Instead of pushing for intimate quarters for your visit, suggest a get-to-know-the-family visit. You may be pleasantly surprised by your parents' reaction.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My college roommate is inconsiderate. He has in the past spilled alcohol on two pairs of my shoes and never offered to clean them up or even tell me about it. He has "sexiled" me at 2 a.m. on a weeknight when I was about to go to bed, and he lets his friends drink my drinks from the fridge. I am fed up. How should I address this issue? -- Fed Up, Philadelphia

DEAR FED UP: Have you confronted your roommate about any of this behavior? Step one is to directly address his transgressions with him. Tell him you did not appreciate any of his bad behavior -- from spilling drinks on your shoes to putting you out when you were about to sleep so he could have sex. Ask him to stop.

If he refuses, ask your resident assistant for support. One of the RA's jobs is to help students manage difficult situations with roommates.

The reality is that school is almost finished for this semester. Be sure to ask for a different roommate next semester. Also, do yourself a favor and speak up earlier if you have a roommate issue next semester.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I borrowed money from my next-door neighbor a few months ago, and I'm supposed to pay it back right now. The thing is, I don't have it. I have been out of work for about eight months, and the little odd jobs I have gotten haven't paid enough for me to pay any bills, let alone reimburse him. But still, it's my neighbor. I can't hide out from him.

What can I do? I can't pay him back yet. -- Embarrassed, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR EMBARRASSED: You must speak to your neighbor immediately. Tell him what your situation is, and reassure him that you are doing your best to be able to pay him back. If you have even a small amount of money that you can give him as a good-faith effort, do so. Even if it's a nominal amount, by offering it you show your neighbor that you mean well.

Meanwhile, keep your head up and actively look for work. It can be so difficult to continue the search when you feel ashamed or deflated. Do your best to shed that cloak, as it will only disable you. Refresh your resume and look some more. Meanwhile, continue to perform odd jobs to put money in your pocket.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 40-year-old single man, 6 feet 5 inches tall. Here's my dilemma: A few of my female friends have asked if I would be willing to sire a child for them. At first I was flattered by the notion of participating in making a child, but as I asked further questions, the women responded that they wanted me to participate only in producing the child, not being a part of the child's life after birth.

This has happened with 10 women over the past few years. I have a motto I live by: Marriage before carriage. I have said "no" on numerous occasions. Am I wrong? I do want to have a child, but not like this. -- Feeling Used, Queens, N.Y.

DEAR FEELING USED: Please don't lower your standards. I think it's admirable that you want to be in a committed relationship before bringing a child into the world.

These women are essentially asking for a sperm donor. It may be flattering to know that so many people think you have good genes -- good enough to belong to their children. But if I were you, I would be offended that they don't feel good enough about you to want you as part of the package. You clearly want to create a family. Keep your eyes open and look for a partner who shares your values.

I would also recommend that you do a serious self-evaluation. Why might none of these 10 women want to be with you? There may be some aspect of your personality, your lifestyle or your current circumstances that is a turnoff to these female friends.

It's worth contemplating. If there's something you need to improve about yourself to become a more attractive partner to the right woman, go for it. But I don't think you should be fishing from this current pool of 10.