life

Parents Have a Right to Keep Kids' Pics Off the Internet

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 27th, 2012

DEAR HARRIETTE: I posted photos of my son's class performance on Facebook and was so proud of them. That is, until one mom called me and chastised me for posting a picture that included her child without her permission. She asked me to take the picture down at once. I did, but I don't see what the big deal is. Do you? -- Proud Mom, Chicago

DEAR PROUD MOM: In this Internet age, it can be tricky figuring out where your rights begin and end. But that mom was right: Children's rights are protected under the law.

The Children's Online Privacy Protection Act states that any identifiable information about a child under age 13 that is posted on the Internet must be posted by the parent or by a person who has obtained VERIFIABLE CONSENT from the parent. Website operators are held legally accountable for verifying that publications made by anyone other than the legal parent or guardian have the consent of the parent.

That said, countless people post images of their children and others without issue. My recommendation for the future is to do your best to photograph your child separately so that you can post safely. Otherwise, ask parents for permission (in writing) before you put any images on the Internet.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like my daughter and I have ongoing arguments every morning because she drags her feet when it's time to go to school. I'm so frustrated. I'm trying to teach her the importance of being on time and of accepting responsibility for herself. She is 7 years old, and I think that's old enough to begin to accept some basic responsibilities. But the arguments are wearing us out. Any suggestions on how to handle this better? -- Frustrated, Washington, D.C.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Do I have a suggestion for you! My daughter (who is 8) and I have wrestled with time-management issues, and recently we came up with a plan together that has helped tremendously. We created a chart for the five days of the school week and listed each task she has to complete before walking out of the door at 8 a.m. She helped to make the list and even suggested what she might be able to do at night to buy her time the next morning.

As a result, she is excited when she gets up about filling out her chart. She competes with herself to be ready on time as well. Best of all, the arguments have subsided dramatically.

We have begun to institute rewards for her good behavior that include singing together in the morning on the way to school, bringing an extra treat in her lunch bag and special activities on the weekend.

You may want to try our process, or something else may work for you. The point is to include your daughter in coming up with a schedule that she can follow with your support, but without having to police her at every turn. Children of all ages benefit from structure, focus and clear-cut boundaries.

life

IRS Offers Help to Delinquent Taxpayers

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 26th, 2012

DEAR READERS: Awhile back, a reader wrote in who had been experiencing hard times for several years. She had fallen way behind in her taxes and bills and had basically been in hiding. I advised her to reach out to the IRS and an accountant to begin making amends.

Well, I received a call from Michael Devine, the IRS spokesman for Illinois, Kansas and Missouri. He wanted to share additional information that may be helpful for that reader and many others.

Mr. Devine explained that the IRS is absolutely eager to work with people and has set up many ways to help taxpayers resolve their issues. To that end, the IRS has a website (www.irs.gov) that offers a wealth of information to guide you in finding answers to your specific questions. A special toll-free phone number is available from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. weekdays at 800-829-1040 (or 800-829-4059 for the hearing-impaired).

If you want to speak to someone in person who can help walk you through the process, you may do so at one of the Taxpayer Assistance Centers all over the country. To find the one nearest you, click on the "Individuals" tab, then click on the link to "Contact My Local Office" (www.irs.gov/localcontacts/index.html). Or call the IRS at the number above.

I must say, I learned a lot from speaking with Mr. Devine. One of the biggest topics I addressed with him is the general fear people have of communicating with the IRS, especially when they are having financial difficulty. That is why I had recommended that the woman in financial distress first go to an accountant. He assured me that while a tax professional can be a fantastic option, a person in financial straits may not be able to afford that route. He explained that the professionals on the IRS staff at these assistance centers offer their services free of charge.

You also can subscribe to tax tips from the IRS by logging onto public.govdelivery.com/accounts/USIRS/subscriber/new. I think this is information worth sharing.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been working with a therapist for several years, and I think it's time for our relationship to end. She has been very helpful to me, but I think we are ebbing now. I realize that it's tough to end this. It feels incredibly awkward. What should I do? I don't want to simply never come back again. -- Breaking Up Blues, Los Angeles

DEAR BREAKING UP BLUES: One of the most difficult relationships to end is with a therapist. I believe it is important to handle all endings with grace. If you can, speak to your therapist directly, either in your next session or over the phone, and tell her you are ready to end your relationship. Thank her for the years of help she has provided. Be firm and grateful. You can also write a thank-you note expressing your gratitude and saying that you think your work together is complete. Fill that appointment time with a useful activity so you don't feel a hole in your schedule.

life

Wedding Bells May Not Be Death Knell of Dreams

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 25th, 2012

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend is getting married in a year. She is extremely happy and, of course, I am happy for her. However, she is only 19 and has been dating the guy for about a year. Her whole family is encouraging the marriage, and it seems like it is happening too fast. I worry that she is rushing through her life.

She dreamed about being a country singer. She even said she was not the type to get married and swore she never would. Of course, all that has changed now.

She has lost a lot of friends due to her boyfriend (now fiance), and now I worry that all she is going to have is him. I also worry that this sudden wedding could lead to kids and life at home. Although I want those things for her, I know she has other dreams and is too blinded by love to see them.

How can I encourage her not to rush into anything that will affect her future permanently? -- Slow It Down, Jacksonville, Fla.

DEAR SLOW IT DOWN: I understand your concerns for your friend, but you need to tread lightly. This is her life. Based on how you have described her, it seems she has turned around her thinking dramatically, thanks to meeting this man. That could be a good thing. Her disdain for marriage may have come from a belief that she would never meet her perfect match, and then when she did, she was thrilled. Even if that is not the case, it's still her life.

What concerns me about your letter is that your friend has lost many friends due to her fiance, at least from your perspective. What has been happening? If he is asking her to stop being friends with these people, that is controlling. If she is naturally spending less time with friends because she is choosing to spend her free time with him, that -- unfortunately for the friends -- is natural.

Hopefully, over the course of the next year, she will relax and realize that it's good to have friends as well as a fiance. You may be able to help her with that by continuing to invite her -- and him -- to activities so you can get to know him. You can also ask her about the dreams she once shared to learn if she still wants to pursue them. Believe it or not, there are many couples who marry early and build beautiful lives together. Wish that for your friend.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating a really nice guy for a couple of months. It's long-distance, but we Skype a lot, so it's fine. We were talking every day before spring break. Now, no calls. When I called him, he said this is the time when he goes underground and talks to no one. Huh? What should I do now? -- Perplexed, New York

DEAR PERPLEXED: Move on. He has.

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