life

IRS Offers Help to Delinquent Taxpayers

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 26th, 2012

DEAR READERS: Awhile back, a reader wrote in who had been experiencing hard times for several years. She had fallen way behind in her taxes and bills and had basically been in hiding. I advised her to reach out to the IRS and an accountant to begin making amends.

Well, I received a call from Michael Devine, the IRS spokesman for Illinois, Kansas and Missouri. He wanted to share additional information that may be helpful for that reader and many others.

Mr. Devine explained that the IRS is absolutely eager to work with people and has set up many ways to help taxpayers resolve their issues. To that end, the IRS has a website (www.irs.gov) that offers a wealth of information to guide you in finding answers to your specific questions. A special toll-free phone number is available from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. weekdays at 800-829-1040 (or 800-829-4059 for the hearing-impaired).

If you want to speak to someone in person who can help walk you through the process, you may do so at one of the Taxpayer Assistance Centers all over the country. To find the one nearest you, click on the "Individuals" tab, then click on the link to "Contact My Local Office" (www.irs.gov/localcontacts/index.html). Or call the IRS at the number above.

I must say, I learned a lot from speaking with Mr. Devine. One of the biggest topics I addressed with him is the general fear people have of communicating with the IRS, especially when they are having financial difficulty. That is why I had recommended that the woman in financial distress first go to an accountant. He assured me that while a tax professional can be a fantastic option, a person in financial straits may not be able to afford that route. He explained that the professionals on the IRS staff at these assistance centers offer their services free of charge.

You also can subscribe to tax tips from the IRS by logging onto public.govdelivery.com/accounts/USIRS/subscriber/new. I think this is information worth sharing.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been working with a therapist for several years, and I think it's time for our relationship to end. She has been very helpful to me, but I think we are ebbing now. I realize that it's tough to end this. It feels incredibly awkward. What should I do? I don't want to simply never come back again. -- Breaking Up Blues, Los Angeles

DEAR BREAKING UP BLUES: One of the most difficult relationships to end is with a therapist. I believe it is important to handle all endings with grace. If you can, speak to your therapist directly, either in your next session or over the phone, and tell her you are ready to end your relationship. Thank her for the years of help she has provided. Be firm and grateful. You can also write a thank-you note expressing your gratitude and saying that you think your work together is complete. Fill that appointment time with a useful activity so you don't feel a hole in your schedule.

life

Wedding Bells May Not Be Death Knell of Dreams

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 25th, 2012

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend is getting married in a year. She is extremely happy and, of course, I am happy for her. However, she is only 19 and has been dating the guy for about a year. Her whole family is encouraging the marriage, and it seems like it is happening too fast. I worry that she is rushing through her life.

She dreamed about being a country singer. She even said she was not the type to get married and swore she never would. Of course, all that has changed now.

She has lost a lot of friends due to her boyfriend (now fiance), and now I worry that all she is going to have is him. I also worry that this sudden wedding could lead to kids and life at home. Although I want those things for her, I know she has other dreams and is too blinded by love to see them.

How can I encourage her not to rush into anything that will affect her future permanently? -- Slow It Down, Jacksonville, Fla.

DEAR SLOW IT DOWN: I understand your concerns for your friend, but you need to tread lightly. This is her life. Based on how you have described her, it seems she has turned around her thinking dramatically, thanks to meeting this man. That could be a good thing. Her disdain for marriage may have come from a belief that she would never meet her perfect match, and then when she did, she was thrilled. Even if that is not the case, it's still her life.

What concerns me about your letter is that your friend has lost many friends due to her fiance, at least from your perspective. What has been happening? If he is asking her to stop being friends with these people, that is controlling. If she is naturally spending less time with friends because she is choosing to spend her free time with him, that -- unfortunately for the friends -- is natural.

Hopefully, over the course of the next year, she will relax and realize that it's good to have friends as well as a fiance. You may be able to help her with that by continuing to invite her -- and him -- to activities so you can get to know him. You can also ask her about the dreams she once shared to learn if she still wants to pursue them. Believe it or not, there are many couples who marry early and build beautiful lives together. Wish that for your friend.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating a really nice guy for a couple of months. It's long-distance, but we Skype a lot, so it's fine. We were talking every day before spring break. Now, no calls. When I called him, he said this is the time when he goes underground and talks to no one. Huh? What should I do now? -- Perplexed, New York

DEAR PERPLEXED: Move on. He has.

life

Rogue Intern Needs to Be Reined In

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 24th, 2012

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have an intern who is a college student and hopes to do the same work I do. I have taken her under my wing, so to speak, to teach her the business. She has worked with me on a few events, and I just realized that she has been following up with various contacts of mine to ask for their help with her business venture. But she never asked For my blessing to do that. I discovered that one of my contacts agreed to help her (for free) only because she thought I was doing the asking.

I need to address this with my intern. What should I say? -- Setting Boundaries, Staten Island, N.Y.

DEAR SETTING BOUNDARIES: It's natural that your intern would want to use your bounty of resources. It's inappropriate that she didn't ask you.

She should have explained her project and then asked for your advice. She could have asked about specific people she had met through you to find out if it was OK to reach out to them, as well as how to go about it. She should not have used your name without your permission to ask for anything, especially favors.

It's important to teach your intern how things work in an office -- with you or with anyone else -- and that includes how to engage the boss's contacts. Sit her down and tell her you are uncomfortable with the way she has been handling her outreach. Explain that she needs to talk to you first, and tell her what is acceptable to you.

Chances are she doesn't fully understand that she crossed a line here. Spell it out so there will be no reason for her to make this mistake again.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Your response to "Played the Fool" was correct, but I'd like to give a little insight. I've been where her friend was. It is very hard to receive a monetary gift and indulge yourself when you have so many bills you can't pay. I used to hate receiving money for Christmas or my birthday because I knew it would end up going toward my debt.

If you want to treat a friend to an indulgence, buy an actual gift or give a gift card for something like a day at the spa. You have to understand how hard it is for the friend. I know she would've preferred to indulge herself without feeling guilty. -- Been There, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR BEEN THERE: As you pointed out, it can be too painful to splurge on something for yourself if you are in debt. The loving friend who wants to support a friend in need has to make it easy on the friend. Otherwise, the act of offering can backfire.

As I wrote in my original response, give from your heart in a way that allows your friend to receive a luxurious benefit. In addition to gifts and gift certificates, you can give the gift of your time. Make a date with your friend to hang out and have fun -- and you pick up the tab.

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