DEAR HARRIETTE: I have an intern who is a college student and hopes to do the same work I do. I have taken her under my wing, so to speak, to teach her the business. She has worked with me on a few events, and I just realized that she has been following up with various contacts of mine to ask for their help with her business venture. But she never asked For my blessing to do that. I discovered that one of my contacts agreed to help her (for free) only because she thought I was doing the asking.

I need to address this with my intern. What should I say? -- Setting Boundaries, Staten Island, N.Y.

DEAR SETTING BOUNDARIES: It's natural that your intern would want to use your bounty of resources. It's inappropriate that she didn't ask you.

She should have explained her project and then asked for your advice. She could have asked about specific people she had met through you to find out if it was OK to reach out to them, as well as how to go about it. She should not have used your name without your permission to ask for anything, especially favors.

It's important to teach your intern how things work in an office -- with you or with anyone else -- and that includes how to engage the boss's contacts. Sit her down and tell her you are uncomfortable with the way she has been handling her outreach. Explain that she needs to talk to you first, and tell her what is acceptable to you.

Chances are she doesn't fully understand that she crossed a line here. Spell it out so there will be no reason for her to make this mistake again.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Your response to "Played the Fool" was correct, but I'd like to give a little insight. I've been where her friend was. It is very hard to receive a monetary gift and indulge yourself when you have so many bills you can't pay. I used to hate receiving money for Christmas or my birthday because I knew it would end up going toward my debt.

If you want to treat a friend to an indulgence, buy an actual gift or give a gift card for something like a day at the spa. You have to understand how hard it is for the friend. I know she would've preferred to indulge herself without feeling guilty. -- Been There, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR BEEN THERE: As you pointed out, it can be too painful to splurge on something for yourself if you are in debt. The loving friend who wants to support a friend in need has to make it easy on the friend. Otherwise, the act of offering can backfire.

As I wrote in my original response, give from your heart in a way that allows your friend to receive a luxurious benefit. In addition to gifts and gift certificates, you can give the gift of your time. Make a date with your friend to hang out and have fun -- and you pick up the tab.

DEAR READERS: Here are a few of your comments about the woman who brought her dog on a date:

DEAR HARRIETTE: Sometimes actions, not words, communicate the loudest. If I put the dog-kissing date's behavior into words, this would be the translation: "Love me, love my dog. P.S. The dog will always come first."

I agree with you that this is a one-date date. Love your column! -- Chicago

DEAR HARRIETE: I am a dog liker (not lover), but I believe the woman's actions were totally appropriate -- for her and for being on a date.

Dating is about getting to know each other's true selves and deciding whether the relationship has possibilities for moving forward. Honesty on a date saves time, energy and money by letting everyone know upfront if there is even the slightest chance for true compatibility. In this case, the answer is "not a chance." The woman is codependent with her dog, and her date thinks that is nuts. If she'd just asked him during dinner (without the dog), "Do you like dogs?" he would have said yes -- and they would have had no idea they were so far apart on the spectrum of what "liking dogs" means. Her way got them there quickly and easily. Agree to be friends and move on to the next person. -- Chicago

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was surprised that you did not mention that in many (if not most) municipalities, dogs are not allowed inside restaurants. (It's a violation of health regulations.) In Chicago, where I live, an ordinance was passed a few years ago to allow dogs only on restaurant patios under certain conditions.

Dog lovers should realize that dogs are not people and they cannot go everywhere that people go! I think the man in question should find another date. No, the woman's actions were NOT appropriate. -- Chicago

DEAR HARRIETTE: The man who wrote recently is entitled to be offended that this woman wanted him to smooch her pooch. Some further thoughts:

-- The restaurant may be barely tolerating dog people, and that's the real reason it was suggested this couple and the dog sit outside.

-- The woman may feel she has to bring her dog everywhere because her neighbors have complained it barks constantly while she's gone, in which case she needs to give the dog a sturdy beef shinbone as she's leaving.

-- When a dog gets to lick another creature in the face, in the dog's mind, the dog and the other are of exactly the same stature, just like puppies. My dog never gets to lick (or even sniff) my face, only under the chin, because I don't want her to ever forget who's alpha (me!).

-- There are diseases that are transmissible from animal to human -- rare, perhaps, in domestic pets, but why risk it? Dogs lick themselves everywhere, and who's to say that wasn't exactly what the dog was doing before she brought it over? He can always say he's meticulous about hygiene and health. -- Chicago

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a man in my early 60s, and as far back as high school, I knew I'd always be completely invisible to the opposite sex. I spent my teenage years and well into my 40s feeling sorry for myself. I started resenting my friends, none of whom had any trouble with women.

When I was 47, I had finally had enough of watching life pass me by. So I started to pick up prostitutes. (I would have done so earlier, but my finances didn't allow it.) The only problem is that when your only two options are no sex at all or having sex with a prostitute, you're going to end up having lots of sex with prostitutes.

I thought I could get away with cutting back my dalliances to a few times a year, but that just whet my appetite for more, and I decided a clean break was the only way to go.

I'll be retired soon enough, and my finances are in good enough shape that I expect my twilight years to be comfortable. After all these years, I would like to settle down and have a relationship with one woman. This is a big step for me, and I need help getting there. Can you offer some advice? -- A Lot Older and a Little Wiser, Grand Rapids, Mich.

DEAR OLDER: I'm curious why you felt in the beginning that you were invisible to women. You need to deal with that emotional block to find your way to a healthy relationship. For some reason, you haven't believed you are desirable.

Go to a professional therapist and talk about your sexual and relationship history. Explore your feelings and behaviors before you begin to look for a partner.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been incarcerated for 17 years, and it's been rough being away from my dad, who is now sick, and my elderly grandmother. I recently accepted the Lord in my life, but people still tend to use me and not speak to me. Prison is a negative place, and I need some help keeping my spirits up while I'm locked up. -- A Little Deflated, Homer, La.

DEAR DEFLATED: I'm sure it can be emotionally debilitating to be in prison and away from your family for so long.

You may want to choose new ways to occupy your time. Reading is a wonderful way to transport yourself to another place. I highly recommend reading fiction and travel books, as well as self-help books that can support your self-esteem.

I practice meditation and highly recommend it as a way to keep up your spirits and help you manage in your current situation. Check to see if any programs at your institution teach meditation, or read up on it. It can be tremendously beneficial.

Also, write letters to your father and grandmother. Reflect on fond memories of when you spent time together. Send cards expressing your love. Stay connected to them. It will help you to endure the negative people around you.