DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a man in my early 60s, and as far back as high school, I knew I'd always be completely invisible to the opposite sex. I spent my teenage years and well into my 40s feeling sorry for myself. I started resenting my friends, none of whom had any trouble with women.

When I was 47, I had finally had enough of watching life pass me by. So I started to pick up prostitutes. (I would have done so earlier, but my finances didn't allow it.) The only problem is that when your only two options are no sex at all or having sex with a prostitute, you're going to end up having lots of sex with prostitutes.

I thought I could get away with cutting back my dalliances to a few times a year, but that just whet my appetite for more, and I decided a clean break was the only way to go.

I'll be retired soon enough, and my finances are in good enough shape that I expect my twilight years to be comfortable. After all these years, I would like to settle down and have a relationship with one woman. This is a big step for me, and I need help getting there. Can you offer some advice? -- A Lot Older and a Little Wiser, Grand Rapids, Mich.

DEAR OLDER: I'm curious why you felt in the beginning that you were invisible to women. You need to deal with that emotional block to find your way to a healthy relationship. For some reason, you haven't believed you are desirable.

Go to a professional therapist and talk about your sexual and relationship history. Explore your feelings and behaviors before you begin to look for a partner.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been incarcerated for 17 years, and it's been rough being away from my dad, who is now sick, and my elderly grandmother. I recently accepted the Lord in my life, but people still tend to use me and not speak to me. Prison is a negative place, and I need some help keeping my spirits up while I'm locked up. -- A Little Deflated, Homer, La.

DEAR DEFLATED: I'm sure it can be emotionally debilitating to be in prison and away from your family for so long.

You may want to choose new ways to occupy your time. Reading is a wonderful way to transport yourself to another place. I highly recommend reading fiction and travel books, as well as self-help books that can support your self-esteem.

I practice meditation and highly recommend it as a way to keep up your spirits and help you manage in your current situation. Check to see if any programs at your institution teach meditation, or read up on it. It can be tremendously beneficial.

Also, write letters to your father and grandmother. Reflect on fond memories of when you spent time together. Send cards expressing your love. Stay connected to them. It will help you to endure the negative people around you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 36-year-old African-American female who is 5 feet 7 inches and used to weigh 400 pounds. In the last 18 months, I have lost 200 pounds, and I have about 50 pounds to go. I feel great. I'm able to buy nice clothes that I really like, and I'm enjoying the new me.

Until recently, I did not have to worry about men finding me attractive. Since I have lost the weight, I don't know what to do. Now the men are telling me that I'm beautiful and sexy, and they want to take me out to dinner. I'm scared of the sudden newfound attention I'm getting, and I don't know what to do. Help! -- Looking Good, Chicago

DEAR LOOKING GOOD: First, congratulations on your weight loss and on claiming good health. You have made a major transformation in your life, and I hope you realize how great your effort has been thus far.

One of the challenges people face when they dramatically lose weight is that people see them differently. You look different, even though you are the same person. It is wise to be cautious as you begin to date. As nice as it is to have men respond to your new physique -- and you should enjoy that -- you want to be careful not to fall for someone who is interested only in how you look.

Make a list of the personality traits and other attributes that are important to you in a man. As you study your list, you may notice that the suitors who are most persistent are not right at all. Your perfect match may be less immediately drawn to looks but more to your personality. The guys who are pressing you right now may not be good enough for you!

Your list will help you to not get caught up in the hype about how you look. If you take your time and really get to know your suitors, you should be able to identify who is sincere and who is just attracted to a pretty face. Good luck!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm in need of some extra cash, and I thought I would sell some of my family's old clothes and other things that we don't need. Usually, I give away all of that stuff to Goodwill or the Salvation Army. I get a tax write-off for that, but it's not the same as cash.

A friend of mine said she uses eBay. I've never done that before. But I was also thinking about selling at the local flea market. I've been there a few times, and it looks like a lot of people go there. I've never done anything like this before. What do you think? -- Stuff for Sale, Grand Rapids, Mich.

DEAR STUFF FOR SALE: There are lots of options for selling your items. A flea market could be great if you have the time to sit at the table and actually sell items. It is true that eBay works for many people, as does Craigslist. An old-fashioned yard sale could work, too, if you have a yard.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I enjoy reading your perspectives on various life issues, but I have something to say about your answer to "Waiting for Mr. Right" from Memphis.

I found this woman's anxiousness to be remarried within two years disconcerting, if not downright selfish. She claims she wants her young children to have a father in their lives "for stability," but she does not say where the children's biological father is or why they divorced.

Children do benefit from the attention, love and discipline of the trusted men and women in their lives. Some children develop anti-social or undesirable behaviors in single-parent households. However, if this woman is a God-fearing (Christian?) woman, then she can turn to male relatives or men in youth ministries at her church for help. She doesn't have to get remarried to provide this benefit for her children. If she doesn't belong to a church family, joining one would be a good first step toward creating stability for her children.

Also, has this woman taken her children's feelings into account? Unless they were abused by their father, they may not be so anxious to replace him with a stranger who brings his own emotional baggage into the tenuous mix. A new husband may drive a wedge between her and her children if he robs them of their mother's attention, or if his expectations regarding the girls conflict with hers.

If she does meet Mr. Right (a wishful misnomer), she should build the relationship slowly, introduce him only after the relationship grows serious (to avoid hurting the children again should they break up), and marry only after the girls have had time to develop a comfortable, trusting relationship with him. Also, she should listen to their concerns, if any, in case they contain red flags she is oblivious to. They might save her from making a serious mistake. Second marriages have a higher divorce rate than first ones, and many times they are rushed into for wrong or false reasons.

"Waiting" quoted Proverbs 18:22, but there are many verses that refer to waiting for the Lord to answer prayer (Psalm 27:14, Psalm 130:5) and the joy that results (Psalm 37:4). St. Paul also taught in 1 Corinthians 7:8 that it is good for the unmarried/widows to stay unmarried, unless they are marrying to avoid fornication. The fruit of the spirit includes patience.

Perhaps "Waiting" should seek godly guidance from a church leader or an older godly woman who has herself been through a divorce. This season of aloneness is a perfect time for "Waiting" to deepen her relationship with Christ as she prepares herself to fill the shoes of "Mrs. Right." -- Righteous, Chicago

DEAR RIGHTEOUS: Thank you for your thoughtful letter. Many people have written in, outraged by "Waiting." As I have continued to discuss her letter with others, some of the sentiments you expressed have come up. Primary among other readers' concerns is that putting time limits on finding a partner and creating a meaningful relationship is unreasonable. It would be far better to nurture her family and take her time, as you suggest.