DEAR HARRIETTE: I enjoy reading your perspectives on various life issues, but I have something to say about your answer to "Waiting for Mr. Right" from Memphis.

I found this woman's anxiousness to be remarried within two years disconcerting, if not downright selfish. She claims she wants her young children to have a father in their lives "for stability," but she does not say where the children's biological father is or why they divorced.

Children do benefit from the attention, love and discipline of the trusted men and women in their lives. Some children develop anti-social or undesirable behaviors in single-parent households. However, if this woman is a God-fearing (Christian?) woman, then she can turn to male relatives or men in youth ministries at her church for help. She doesn't have to get remarried to provide this benefit for her children. If she doesn't belong to a church family, joining one would be a good first step toward creating stability for her children.

Also, has this woman taken her children's feelings into account? Unless they were abused by their father, they may not be so anxious to replace him with a stranger who brings his own emotional baggage into the tenuous mix. A new husband may drive a wedge between her and her children if he robs them of their mother's attention, or if his expectations regarding the girls conflict with hers.

If she does meet Mr. Right (a wishful misnomer), she should build the relationship slowly, introduce him only after the relationship grows serious (to avoid hurting the children again should they break up), and marry only after the girls have had time to develop a comfortable, trusting relationship with him. Also, she should listen to their concerns, if any, in case they contain red flags she is oblivious to. They might save her from making a serious mistake. Second marriages have a higher divorce rate than first ones, and many times they are rushed into for wrong or false reasons.

"Waiting" quoted Proverbs 18:22, but there are many verses that refer to waiting for the Lord to answer prayer (Psalm 27:14, Psalm 130:5) and the joy that results (Psalm 37:4). St. Paul also taught in 1 Corinthians 7:8 that it is good for the unmarried/widows to stay unmarried, unless they are marrying to avoid fornication. The fruit of the spirit includes patience.

Perhaps "Waiting" should seek godly guidance from a church leader or an older godly woman who has herself been through a divorce. This season of aloneness is a perfect time for "Waiting" to deepen her relationship with Christ as she prepares herself to fill the shoes of "Mrs. Right." -- Righteous, Chicago

DEAR RIGHTEOUS: Thank you for your thoughtful letter. Many people have written in, outraged by "Waiting." As I have continued to discuss her letter with others, some of the sentiments you expressed have come up. Primary among other readers' concerns is that putting time limits on finding a partner and creating a meaningful relationship is unreasonable. It would be far better to nurture her family and take her time, as you suggest.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friends have been trying to set me up with someone. I like him, and I think he could be interested in me, too. I don't know whether I should try to talk to him more or make an active effort independently of my friends. I don't want to be rejected, especially since my friends would definitely find out. What should I do? -- Interested, Philadelphia

DEAR INTERESTED: The thing about the dance of dating is that you have to be willing to get your feelings hurt to stand a chance at finding love. Risks are involved.

If you are interested and you already know your friends are trying to set you up, then go for it. This man may be shy and worried about rejection in the same way you are.

Invite him to go for coffee, something simple and short. If he agrees, get together and talk without an agenda. Chat and get to know each other better. Allow the moment to play out. You will both know if you want to see each other again.

If he does not want to meet you for coffee, that's fine, too. Let it go. If your friends find out, what's to be embarrassed about? You made the effort. You should be proud of yourself for taking that step.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The trend of wearing surgical scrub suits outside of the hospital appears to be increasing. Most all hospitals have rules against wearing surgical scrubs outside of the surgical suite. More and more, though, one encounters medical personnel wearing surgical scrubs even to semiformal dinners and business meetings! Would you please comment on this? -- Curious, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR CURIOUS: Wow! I didn't know scrubs had made it to the ballroom. I have seen many people wearing scrubs while walking the streets of New York City, though. I thought they were legitimate hospital workers who may have dashed out for a bite, which doesn't make it right -- or hygienic, for that matter.

I'm wondering if people wear their scrubs as a badge of honor to prove to others that they are part of the esteemed hospital environment. No matter. It makes sense that hospitals would not want surgical scrubs to be worn outside of the surgical space for health reasons.

To those who legitimately get to wear surgical scrubs, do yourselves and your patients a favor and keep the garments as clean as possible. No street grime, eh? For those of you wearing them to be cool, there are a lot more wardrobe options out there for you to explore.

For observers, unless you personally know someone who is wearing these scrubs, keep your opinions to yourself. You don't have the authority to chastise someone over his or her wardrobe choices. Resist the temptation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend is very religious, as is his family. He goes to church every Sunday. I was raised relatively religious, but I don't really practice anything anymore. I don't enjoy going to church, but I feel like it would be a nice gesture. Would he appreciate my going to church with him even if I don't feel the same way about religion that he does? -- Secular Girl, Miami

DEAR SECULAR GIRL: This is tricky. Your boyfriend likely would appreciate your making the effort to go to church with him if it means you might rediscover your faith. But to go to church just to make him happy, without having any interest in accessing your own spirituality, is insincere. That doesn't mean you should not go.

I recommend you take the time to reflect on your religious values and beliefs. Ask yourself why you don't enjoy going to church. Contemplate why you are interested in this man who is deeply religious, and whether there's a future for you as a couple if he and his family have very different religious views from you.

These things are worth considering, because religious beliefs figure prominently into people's relationships when religion is important to them. Couples can have healthy relationships even when one does not share the same faith or is not as zealous as the other, but I assure you it is generally easier if both are on the same page religiously.

So, talk with your boyfriend about your religious views. And go to church with him if you are willing to see if there's something there for you, too.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend recently partied hard one night and ended up very drunk and almost had to be taken to the hospital. His boyfriend also was very drunk and (BEGIN ITALS)was(END ITALS) taken to the hospital.

Both of them are fine now, and after intense hangovers they don't seem to understand the severity of what they almost got themselves into. My friend wasn't able to walk on his own without falling, and I had to help him.

How can I get them to understand that what happened was serious and that, had it been a little worse, there could have been dire consequences? -- Worried, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR WORRIED: You have every reason to be alarmed by your friends' behavior. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about 79,000 people die each year because of excessive drinking. That is a staggering number. Binge drinking for a man can be five or more drinks, while heavy drinking for a man starts at two drinks daily. Honestly, though, it's relative based upon a person's height, weight and tolerance for alcohol.

It is dangerous to drink excessively. The body cannot handle it. Scare your friends into taking it seriously by telling them the stats. That may help.