DEAR HARRIETTE: My friends have been trying to set me up with someone. I like him, and I think he could be interested in me, too. I don't know whether I should try to talk to him more or make an active effort independently of my friends. I don't want to be rejected, especially since my friends would definitely find out. What should I do? -- Interested, Philadelphia

DEAR INTERESTED: The thing about the dance of dating is that you have to be willing to get your feelings hurt to stand a chance at finding love. Risks are involved.

If you are interested and you already know your friends are trying to set you up, then go for it. This man may be shy and worried about rejection in the same way you are.

Invite him to go for coffee, something simple and short. If he agrees, get together and talk without an agenda. Chat and get to know each other better. Allow the moment to play out. You will both know if you want to see each other again.

If he does not want to meet you for coffee, that's fine, too. Let it go. If your friends find out, what's to be embarrassed about? You made the effort. You should be proud of yourself for taking that step.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The trend of wearing surgical scrub suits outside of the hospital appears to be increasing. Most all hospitals have rules against wearing surgical scrubs outside of the surgical suite. More and more, though, one encounters medical personnel wearing surgical scrubs even to semiformal dinners and business meetings! Would you please comment on this? -- Curious, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR CURIOUS: Wow! I didn't know scrubs had made it to the ballroom. I have seen many people wearing scrubs while walking the streets of New York City, though. I thought they were legitimate hospital workers who may have dashed out for a bite, which doesn't make it right -- or hygienic, for that matter.

I'm wondering if people wear their scrubs as a badge of honor to prove to others that they are part of the esteemed hospital environment. No matter. It makes sense that hospitals would not want surgical scrubs to be worn outside of the surgical space for health reasons.

To those who legitimately get to wear surgical scrubs, do yourselves and your patients a favor and keep the garments as clean as possible. No street grime, eh? For those of you wearing them to be cool, there are a lot more wardrobe options out there for you to explore.

For observers, unless you personally know someone who is wearing these scrubs, keep your opinions to yourself. You don't have the authority to chastise someone over his or her wardrobe choices. Resist the temptation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend is very religious, as is his family. He goes to church every Sunday. I was raised relatively religious, but I don't really practice anything anymore. I don't enjoy going to church, but I feel like it would be a nice gesture. Would he appreciate my going to church with him even if I don't feel the same way about religion that he does? -- Secular Girl, Miami

DEAR SECULAR GIRL: This is tricky. Your boyfriend likely would appreciate your making the effort to go to church with him if it means you might rediscover your faith. But to go to church just to make him happy, without having any interest in accessing your own spirituality, is insincere. That doesn't mean you should not go.

I recommend you take the time to reflect on your religious values and beliefs. Ask yourself why you don't enjoy going to church. Contemplate why you are interested in this man who is deeply religious, and whether there's a future for you as a couple if he and his family have very different religious views from you.

These things are worth considering, because religious beliefs figure prominently into people's relationships when religion is important to them. Couples can have healthy relationships even when one does not share the same faith or is not as zealous as the other, but I assure you it is generally easier if both are on the same page religiously.

So, talk with your boyfriend about your religious views. And go to church with him if you are willing to see if there's something there for you, too.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend recently partied hard one night and ended up very drunk and almost had to be taken to the hospital. His boyfriend also was very drunk and (BEGIN ITALS)was(END ITALS) taken to the hospital.

Both of them are fine now, and after intense hangovers they don't seem to understand the severity of what they almost got themselves into. My friend wasn't able to walk on his own without falling, and I had to help him.

How can I get them to understand that what happened was serious and that, had it been a little worse, there could have been dire consequences? -- Worried, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR WORRIED: You have every reason to be alarmed by your friends' behavior. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about 79,000 people die each year because of excessive drinking. That is a staggering number. Binge drinking for a man can be five or more drinks, while heavy drinking for a man starts at two drinks daily. Honestly, though, it's relative based upon a person's height, weight and tolerance for alcohol.

It is dangerous to drink excessively. The body cannot handle it. Scare your friends into taking it seriously by telling them the stats. That may help.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend never lets me pay for anything for him when we go out, even if it's something small like a movie ticket. I don't understand why it's such a big deal. In this day and age, with so many powerful women, does the old stereotype that the man is supposed to always pay still hold? -- Equal Opportunity Girlfriend, Chicago

DEAR GIRLFRIEND: Your boyfriend may have been taught by his parents that it's good manners for a man to pay a woman's way when they are dating. Chances are, he is following the protocol he was taught and believes he is being a good man for doing so.

It seems his chivalry is discomforting for you, especially given your language that he "never lets me pay for anything." If there is a power play happening, that is reason for you to be concerned. A conversation is needed.

Tell your boyfriend that you want to contribute to the cost of dates sometimes. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable that he insists he always pay. Suggest that in growing your relationship, you like the idea of sharing everything, including costs.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex and I are in the same group of friends. For a while he wasn't hanging out with us as much, but now he does, and it makes me uncomfortable. I don't want to be a drama queen and complain, but we had a bad breakup. It really hasn't been that long since we split -- a few months. How do I deal with the discomfort of frequent encounters? -- Squirming in Shreveport, La.

DEAR SQUIRMING: One of the tragedies of a breakup is that it usually affects more people than the two who split. Friends and family members often feel the effects of the breakup as well.

Is your ex simply hanging with his old friends, or does it feel like he is taunting you? If it's innocent and he just misses his friends, accept it for what it is. It's natural that you would feel uncomfortable around him, but you can't control how he spends his time.

You have to do what's best for you. Consider whether you can eventually share the same group of friends. Is it possible for you to be near your ex without paying attention to him? If so, go for it. If not, you may have to lie low for a while, or even find new friends.

Although you can't control your ex's actions, you can ask him to make some ground rules with you for engaging your friends. Agree not to talk about your relationship with these people. And agree to give each other the space you need to heal. In time, you may become better "friends" than you were as a couple.