DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend is very religious, as is his family. He goes to church every Sunday. I was raised relatively religious, but I don't really practice anything anymore. I don't enjoy going to church, but I feel like it would be a nice gesture. Would he appreciate my going to church with him even if I don't feel the same way about religion that he does? -- Secular Girl, Miami

DEAR SECULAR GIRL: This is tricky. Your boyfriend likely would appreciate your making the effort to go to church with him if it means you might rediscover your faith. But to go to church just to make him happy, without having any interest in accessing your own spirituality, is insincere. That doesn't mean you should not go.

I recommend you take the time to reflect on your religious values and beliefs. Ask yourself why you don't enjoy going to church. Contemplate why you are interested in this man who is deeply religious, and whether there's a future for you as a couple if he and his family have very different religious views from you.

These things are worth considering, because religious beliefs figure prominently into people's relationships when religion is important to them. Couples can have healthy relationships even when one does not share the same faith or is not as zealous as the other, but I assure you it is generally easier if both are on the same page religiously.

So, talk with your boyfriend about your religious views. And go to church with him if you are willing to see if there's something there for you, too.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend recently partied hard one night and ended up very drunk and almost had to be taken to the hospital. His boyfriend also was very drunk and (BEGIN ITALS)was(END ITALS) taken to the hospital.

Both of them are fine now, and after intense hangovers they don't seem to understand the severity of what they almost got themselves into. My friend wasn't able to walk on his own without falling, and I had to help him.

How can I get them to understand that what happened was serious and that, had it been a little worse, there could have been dire consequences? -- Worried, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR WORRIED: You have every reason to be alarmed by your friends' behavior. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about 79,000 people die each year because of excessive drinking. That is a staggering number. Binge drinking for a man can be five or more drinks, while heavy drinking for a man starts at two drinks daily. Honestly, though, it's relative based upon a person's height, weight and tolerance for alcohol.

It is dangerous to drink excessively. The body cannot handle it. Scare your friends into taking it seriously by telling them the stats. That may help.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend never lets me pay for anything for him when we go out, even if it's something small like a movie ticket. I don't understand why it's such a big deal. In this day and age, with so many powerful women, does the old stereotype that the man is supposed to always pay still hold? -- Equal Opportunity Girlfriend, Chicago

DEAR GIRLFRIEND: Your boyfriend may have been taught by his parents that it's good manners for a man to pay a woman's way when they are dating. Chances are, he is following the protocol he was taught and believes he is being a good man for doing so.

It seems his chivalry is discomforting for you, especially given your language that he "never lets me pay for anything." If there is a power play happening, that is reason for you to be concerned. A conversation is needed.

Tell your boyfriend that you want to contribute to the cost of dates sometimes. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable that he insists he always pay. Suggest that in growing your relationship, you like the idea of sharing everything, including costs.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex and I are in the same group of friends. For a while he wasn't hanging out with us as much, but now he does, and it makes me uncomfortable. I don't want to be a drama queen and complain, but we had a bad breakup. It really hasn't been that long since we split -- a few months. How do I deal with the discomfort of frequent encounters? -- Squirming in Shreveport, La.

DEAR SQUIRMING: One of the tragedies of a breakup is that it usually affects more people than the two who split. Friends and family members often feel the effects of the breakup as well.

Is your ex simply hanging with his old friends, or does it feel like he is taunting you? If it's innocent and he just misses his friends, accept it for what it is. It's natural that you would feel uncomfortable around him, but you can't control how he spends his time.

You have to do what's best for you. Consider whether you can eventually share the same group of friends. Is it possible for you to be near your ex without paying attention to him? If so, go for it. If not, you may have to lie low for a while, or even find new friends.

Although you can't control your ex's actions, you can ask him to make some ground rules with you for engaging your friends. Agree not to talk about your relationship with these people. And agree to give each other the space you need to heal. In time, you may become better "friends" than you were as a couple.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a senior citizen who has already fallen twice. I was exiting our post office, pushing on the door at my speed -- slow. A young man flew around me and pushed the door wide open with his speed and strength. He did nothing wrong, but the door came back toward me with full force. I did not fall back, but I could have. I will order stamps by mail now.

As a senior citizen, I have given up on many things. I just need to say that someday that young man, with hair turned white like mine, might be glad to have the door held open for him.

My second fall resulted in a six-week cast on my broken right wrist and six weeks of physical therapy. My daughters and daughter-in-law took turns bringing me food and much more for six weeks. For now, I'm healed. -- Unsteady Senior, Sayre, Pa.

DEAR UNSTEADY SENIOR: So many people move through space unconsciously, not considering for a moment how their movements affect others.

Years ago I was given the advice, "Watch your wake." This is powerful to contemplate. When vessels move through water, they leave wakes behind them. If you've ever paid attention to boats as they pass each other, you know how dramatically different their wakes can be, depending on each boat's speed and the angle at which each passes through the other's wake. Even more, a boat's wake has an effect from quite a distance.

The translation for all of us is to pay attention to how we move through space and with whom we are sharing that space. If we are lucky, we will grow old, but with that can come what you are experiencing -- a feeling of vulnerability when sharing space with others.

Of course, each of us must figure out ways to protect ourselves. But wouldn't it be great if we all paid closer attention to the impact our movements have on those around us?

Thank you for your comments.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My upstairs neighbor is having a beef with a neighbor on my floor, and now they are involving me in it. I am friends with each of them, and we used to all be friends together. But something happened between them, and now they come to me independently and talk about each other. Also, when they host events, they often will invite me but not the other. So it's messy.

I have no stake in being friends with one more than the other. I don't appreciate being drawn into their drama. How can I get them to keep their beef to themselves? -- Caught in the Middle, Bronx, N.Y.

DEAR CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE: Tell your neighbors individually that you will have no more to do with their issues and that you would appreciate it if they would not include you. Although you are happy to remain friends with them, you will not be a party to their drama.