DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend never lets me pay for anything for him when we go out, even if it's something small like a movie ticket. I don't understand why it's such a big deal. In this day and age, with so many powerful women, does the old stereotype that the man is supposed to always pay still hold? -- Equal Opportunity Girlfriend, Chicago

DEAR GIRLFRIEND: Your boyfriend may have been taught by his parents that it's good manners for a man to pay a woman's way when they are dating. Chances are, he is following the protocol he was taught and believes he is being a good man for doing so.

It seems his chivalry is discomforting for you, especially given your language that he "never lets me pay for anything." If there is a power play happening, that is reason for you to be concerned. A conversation is needed.

Tell your boyfriend that you want to contribute to the cost of dates sometimes. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable that he insists he always pay. Suggest that in growing your relationship, you like the idea of sharing everything, including costs.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex and I are in the same group of friends. For a while he wasn't hanging out with us as much, but now he does, and it makes me uncomfortable. I don't want to be a drama queen and complain, but we had a bad breakup. It really hasn't been that long since we split -- a few months. How do I deal with the discomfort of frequent encounters? -- Squirming in Shreveport, La.

DEAR SQUIRMING: One of the tragedies of a breakup is that it usually affects more people than the two who split. Friends and family members often feel the effects of the breakup as well.

Is your ex simply hanging with his old friends, or does it feel like he is taunting you? If it's innocent and he just misses his friends, accept it for what it is. It's natural that you would feel uncomfortable around him, but you can't control how he spends his time.

You have to do what's best for you. Consider whether you can eventually share the same group of friends. Is it possible for you to be near your ex without paying attention to him? If so, go for it. If not, you may have to lie low for a while, or even find new friends.

Although you can't control your ex's actions, you can ask him to make some ground rules with you for engaging your friends. Agree not to talk about your relationship with these people. And agree to give each other the space you need to heal. In time, you may become better "friends" than you were as a couple.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a senior citizen who has already fallen twice. I was exiting our post office, pushing on the door at my speed -- slow. A young man flew around me and pushed the door wide open with his speed and strength. He did nothing wrong, but the door came back toward me with full force. I did not fall back, but I could have. I will order stamps by mail now.

As a senior citizen, I have given up on many things. I just need to say that someday that young man, with hair turned white like mine, might be glad to have the door held open for him.

My second fall resulted in a six-week cast on my broken right wrist and six weeks of physical therapy. My daughters and daughter-in-law took turns bringing me food and much more for six weeks. For now, I'm healed. -- Unsteady Senior, Sayre, Pa.

DEAR UNSTEADY SENIOR: So many people move through space unconsciously, not considering for a moment how their movements affect others.

Years ago I was given the advice, "Watch your wake." This is powerful to contemplate. When vessels move through water, they leave wakes behind them. If you've ever paid attention to boats as they pass each other, you know how dramatically different their wakes can be, depending on each boat's speed and the angle at which each passes through the other's wake. Even more, a boat's wake has an effect from quite a distance.

The translation for all of us is to pay attention to how we move through space and with whom we are sharing that space. If we are lucky, we will grow old, but with that can come what you are experiencing -- a feeling of vulnerability when sharing space with others.

Of course, each of us must figure out ways to protect ourselves. But wouldn't it be great if we all paid closer attention to the impact our movements have on those around us?

Thank you for your comments.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My upstairs neighbor is having a beef with a neighbor on my floor, and now they are involving me in it. I am friends with each of them, and we used to all be friends together. But something happened between them, and now they come to me independently and talk about each other. Also, when they host events, they often will invite me but not the other. So it's messy.

I have no stake in being friends with one more than the other. I don't appreciate being drawn into their drama. How can I get them to keep their beef to themselves? -- Caught in the Middle, Bronx, N.Y.

DEAR CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE: Tell your neighbors individually that you will have no more to do with their issues and that you would appreciate it if they would not include you. Although you are happy to remain friends with them, you will not be a party to their drama.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I didn't get the opportunity to read the original letter from "Animal Advocate" and your response, but I can imagine what was in it. I second "Animal Lover's" rebuke as well. Unfortunately, there is not always an organization or agency that is willing to help abused animals.

Where I grew up, we had a neighbor who had two large outdoor dogs. They were tied to a tree, and in the heat of the summer, many times their water bowl would be empty. My mother or I would walk down the hill about 100 yards with jugs of tap water and ice for them. Also, they were tied to a tree under a blue tarp.

We called the Humane Society and got no help. We were told that unless the owner wanted to surrender the animals or law enforcement seized the animals, there was nothing the Humane Society could do. We called the dog warden, the game warden and even a personal friend who worked in one of these departments. The friend came and advised the neighbor how to care for dogs. Of course, the owner didn't listen or seem to care, and the neglect continued.

So what does one do when local law enforcement does nothing? When there is no branch of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, Advocates 4 Animals or other organizations in small-town USA? -- Fed Up With Animal Abuse, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR FED UP: We are talking about respecting life, whether it be human or animal. Your story is painful to read but apparently not uncommon.

I would recommend that anyone who is not getting a satisfactory response from local law enforcement or animal rights agencies consider two things. You can go to government officials who are higher up the chain to let them know what's happening. Your city councilman or county commissioner may be able to help.

But a quicker response will likely come if you engage local news media. If you can, take pictures of the abused animals and/or suggest that the news media do so. Ask for the story to be broadcast locally. Or write an op-ed article for the local newspaper describing the animals' plight. That will draw attention to the situation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Here is what I would say to "Confused in Harlem," whose "gentleman" friend has started sending her nude pics: That guy is a weirdo. Dump him. NOW! -- Not the Least Bit Confused in Bossier City, La.

DEAR NOT THE LEAST BIT CONFUSED: I must say that I'm with you on this one. To think that your new date would be excited by sending random nude photos is odd, to say the least.

I am curious about this man's motivation. Clearly, for some reason he thinks that such an overture will have a positive outcome. Unless this woman really does like this type of behavior, running in the opposite direction -- and fast -- is the best action.