DEAR HARRIETTE: The news has been filled with stories about the Florida teenager, Trayvon Martin, who was killed recently by a neighborhood watch person. Because it has been flooding the news, my son, who is 9 years old, has heard it.

Today he asked me to explain the situation to him and tell him why this boy was killed. I could see fear in his eyes, and I wasn't really sure how to explain it to him.

I try to shield him from bad news, but every time I turn on the TV, this story is there. Plus, my boy is African-American, and I can't help but worry that something like this could happen to him.

From what I have seen and read, there doesn't seem to be a legitimate reason for the boy to have been shot, but the shooter has not been arrested yet. How do you talk to your child about what looks like a racist, scary killing? -- Horrified Mom, Staten Island, N.Y.

DEAR HORRIFIED MOM: I trust that by the time this is published, there will be some progress regarding this tragic story. The good news, if there could be any, is that there has been a national outcry on all sides of the aisle to properly investigate this death and determine where justice lies.

Many aspects of how this tragedy unfolded are suspicious. But I would say that should not be what you discuss with your child.

He is still young, and you don't want to scare him more than necessary. You can tell him the basics: that a teenager was killed and there are many questions about why. You can tell him that parents everywhere are upset because they want to protect their children from harm, and that didn't happen in this case. You can tell him what many parents have told their children, particularly if they are African-American boys, for decades -- that they should never antagonize the police or run from them. They should be as still and quiet as possible. Why? It may save their lives.

There is an etiquette to dealing with law officers, and it is very important to teach your children how to interact with them. They need to be taught how to be quietly and humbly respectful, how to avoid carrying items that could be mistaken for weapons, and how to be compliant instead of talking back and having an attitude. If arrested, then they can get legal support and contest whatever charges are brought against them.

The challenge as it relates to this story is that the person who shot the young man was not a police officer. But he did have a gun.

This is a frightening tragedy. I trust that as it unfolds, justice will prevail. I recommend that you limit how much your son gets to see of this story but that you do let him know the outcome.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was married to my ex-husband for 16 years. I divorced him after years of being taken for granted. We remained friends for the last three years. Recently, my boyfriend broke up with me and kicked me out of his house. My ex-husband was there to help me find an apartment and get back on my feet. He has been there for me ever since.

He tells me he still loves me and wants to work on a relationship. I know he has not dated anyone since our divorce. He tells me that he could never get past me.

I have tried to date him, but I don't know if I can ever get back those feelings for him. I enjoy being his friend and doing things together like we used to. I will always love him, but I don't know if I could ever fall back in love with him. I don't know what to do. -- Confused, West Virginia

DEAR CONFUSED: I wonder if you and your ex-husband can find satisfaction in simply being good friends?

Rather than succumbing to any real or imagined pressure from him about re-establishing an intimate bond, tell him that you appreciate his friendship tremendously. Thank him for rescuing you after your breakup. Tell him that you realize the two of you are truly friends and that you would like to remain friends with him.

Before you finish this important conversation, tell him directly that you are not interested in becoming intimate again. Ask if he thinks he can honor this request. Both of you have to agree to this for it to work. I recommend revisiting your feelings over time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Please emphasize (to the reader who can't stop holding a grudge) that forgiveness is not yielding, nor is it condoning or permitting abuse to recur.

Yes, there is every benefit to shedding the anguish of innocent damage. Planning punishment and revenge, and suffering lost sleep over the agony of frustration and hurt, seems the perfect plan for developing a peptic ulcer. -- Doc, Chicago

DEAR DOC: You are making such an important point. Under no circumstances is it healthy to hold a grudge. As tough as forgiveness can be, it is liberating.

A coach I respect tremendously, Pat Ward (www.patwardconsulting.com), speaks a lot about creating space in your life to be able to think clearly and make healthy choices. She is a big fan of practicing forgiveness, in large part because it allows you to take actions in your life free of the stress that can easily lead you to make limited decisions for yourself.

I am a big fan of letting go of anything that will cause you to lose sleep and fret over things that you cannot control. Actively practicing forgiveness can make it possible for you to become unbound by feelings that previously crippled you. It's definitely worth the effort.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Spring is finally here, and with it the warm weather. I work as an intern at a company where everyone dresses professionally. As the weather gets warmer, I'm drawn to sandals, shorts, spring dresses and other spring attire. However, this is my first time working in the spring, and I do not know where to draw the line. What would be appropriate to wear, and what should I avoid? -- Spring Fever, Chicago

 DEAR SPRING FEVER: I'm a big believer in treating an internship as if it's the best job you will ever have. Your attitude -- and your attire -- should be particularly professional.

To figure out what attire is appropriate, pay attention to the people who work with you. You say they dress professionally. That likely means that even in warm weather, they dress modestly and somewhat conservatively. Taking a cue from your colleagues may help you decide what style of spring dress, for example, is appropriate.

In a professional environment, it's unlikely that casual sandals are the best type of footwear. Shorts are almost never appropriate on the job. Instead, try wearing dresses with sweaters or jackets, as well as skirts and blouses. Anything that feels like weekend wear should be reserved for your days off.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a close family friend who is 23, but he still does everything his mom tells him to do. I respect kids who are obedient to their parents, but this is extreme. I feel as though he has no freedom to think or do things for himself. He does not live with his family, but whenever we are together with them, it seems he has no say in anything and often argues with his mom like a child. I find myself holding back from screaming at him to stop depending on his mom so much.

I know it is not my right to get in the way of his relationship with his mom, but is there anything I can do to encourage him to think for himself so that he can become more independent? -- In Favor of Independence, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR INDEPENDENCE: Be careful about stepping into your friend's relationship with his mother. It's unlikely that you can get him to change the way he thinks.

One thing you can do is to talk to him about your own life. When you have had a disagreement with your mother or when you have made an independent decision, tell your friend about what happened. Describe the situation and how you handled it. Don't tell him he can do it, too. Just provide examples to him of how you or other friends navigate challenges that you may have. Over time, he may begin to consider different ways that he can handle his life choices.