DEAR HARRIETTE: I was married to my ex-husband for 16 years. I divorced him after years of being taken for granted. We remained friends for the last three years. Recently, my boyfriend broke up with me and kicked me out of his house. My ex-husband was there to help me find an apartment and get back on my feet. He has been there for me ever since.

He tells me he still loves me and wants to work on a relationship. I know he has not dated anyone since our divorce. He tells me that he could never get past me.

I have tried to date him, but I don't know if I can ever get back those feelings for him. I enjoy being his friend and doing things together like we used to. I will always love him, but I don't know if I could ever fall back in love with him. I don't know what to do. -- Confused, West Virginia

DEAR CONFUSED: I wonder if you and your ex-husband can find satisfaction in simply being good friends?

Rather than succumbing to any real or imagined pressure from him about re-establishing an intimate bond, tell him that you appreciate his friendship tremendously. Thank him for rescuing you after your breakup. Tell him that you realize the two of you are truly friends and that you would like to remain friends with him.

Before you finish this important conversation, tell him directly that you are not interested in becoming intimate again. Ask if he thinks he can honor this request. Both of you have to agree to this for it to work. I recommend revisiting your feelings over time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Please emphasize (to the reader who can't stop holding a grudge) that forgiveness is not yielding, nor is it condoning or permitting abuse to recur.

Yes, there is every benefit to shedding the anguish of innocent damage. Planning punishment and revenge, and suffering lost sleep over the agony of frustration and hurt, seems the perfect plan for developing a peptic ulcer. -- Doc, Chicago

DEAR DOC: You are making such an important point. Under no circumstances is it healthy to hold a grudge. As tough as forgiveness can be, it is liberating.

A coach I respect tremendously, Pat Ward (www.patwardconsulting.com), speaks a lot about creating space in your life to be able to think clearly and make healthy choices. She is a big fan of practicing forgiveness, in large part because it allows you to take actions in your life free of the stress that can easily lead you to make limited decisions for yourself.

I am a big fan of letting go of anything that will cause you to lose sleep and fret over things that you cannot control. Actively practicing forgiveness can make it possible for you to become unbound by feelings that previously crippled you. It's definitely worth the effort.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Spring is finally here, and with it the warm weather. I work as an intern at a company where everyone dresses professionally. As the weather gets warmer, I'm drawn to sandals, shorts, spring dresses and other spring attire. However, this is my first time working in the spring, and I do not know where to draw the line. What would be appropriate to wear, and what should I avoid? -- Spring Fever, Chicago

 DEAR SPRING FEVER: I'm a big believer in treating an internship as if it's the best job you will ever have. Your attitude -- and your attire -- should be particularly professional.

To figure out what attire is appropriate, pay attention to the people who work with you. You say they dress professionally. That likely means that even in warm weather, they dress modestly and somewhat conservatively. Taking a cue from your colleagues may help you decide what style of spring dress, for example, is appropriate.

In a professional environment, it's unlikely that casual sandals are the best type of footwear. Shorts are almost never appropriate on the job. Instead, try wearing dresses with sweaters or jackets, as well as skirts and blouses. Anything that feels like weekend wear should be reserved for your days off.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a close family friend who is 23, but he still does everything his mom tells him to do. I respect kids who are obedient to their parents, but this is extreme. I feel as though he has no freedom to think or do things for himself. He does not live with his family, but whenever we are together with them, it seems he has no say in anything and often argues with his mom like a child. I find myself holding back from screaming at him to stop depending on his mom so much.

I know it is not my right to get in the way of his relationship with his mom, but is there anything I can do to encourage him to think for himself so that he can become more independent? -- In Favor of Independence, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR INDEPENDENCE: Be careful about stepping into your friend's relationship with his mother. It's unlikely that you can get him to change the way he thinks.

One thing you can do is to talk to him about your own life. When you have had a disagreement with your mother or when you have made an independent decision, tell your friend about what happened. Describe the situation and how you handled it. Don't tell him he can do it, too. Just provide examples to him of how you or other friends navigate challenges that you may have. Over time, he may begin to consider different ways that he can handle his life choices.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a divorced mother of two beautiful girls, and I would like to start dating with the intention of getting married. I have a plan to be married within two years. My girls are 3 and 5 years old, and they need a father in their lives to promote stability.

I am a good-looking, God-fearing woman, and I know the Bible says in Proverbs 18:22 (New Living Translation version): "The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord." However, I'm getting a little impatient for Mr. Right to show up on my doorstep. As a God-fearing woman, how should I keep myself busy without getting ahead of God? -- Waiting for Mr. Right, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR WAITING: It's admirable that you are working hard to align your spiritual views with your quest for a life partner. Indeed, this is how you can find someone suited to you and your lifestyle. It's important to live based on your values -- in all situations.

That said, you have to be practical in addition to patient. Even though you have your hands full with two young children, you have to put yourself in environments where upstanding, single Christian men might be. Some people have had success with targeted dating sites, at least as a jumping-off point. You may want to try www.ChristianSingles.com.

You may want to regularly attend a church that has a healthy population of Christian men. Do you have hobbies and interests that may be interesting to men as well?

Get out there with your children and enjoy your life. Mr. Right may see you and your children out and about. Continue to keep your eyes open so that you notice a potential Mr. Right as you live your life. This quest does take patience, and plenty of it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my close friends has bad acne on her face. She makes it worse by constantly picking at it. This not only is scarring her face, but it also is unappealing when she picks at it in public and when we are together.

I've tried confronting her and telling her to stop picking at her face, but she just gets annoyed and stops momentarily, then she's at it again. Is there a way I can help her stop without being mean about it? -- Anti-Picking, Miami

DEAR ANTI-PICKING: Suggest to your friend that she visit a dermatologist, who can help her get the proper medication to treat her skin. The doctor will give her guidelines on what she should do to protect her skin and get it healthy. Without question, the dermatologist will instruct your friend not to pick at her face. He also may give her a soothing agent that will help her to resist the temptation.