DEAR MISS MANNERS: We live in an era where the social fabric has thinned significantly. The clubs, civic organizations and community events that once brought our forefathers together are largely fading away. Opportunities for natural socialization have plummeted across the country, leaving many of us more isolated than generations past.

In this new landscape, the reality is that we can often truly depend only on our families and ourselves. When a mother hosts her own daughter's bridal shower today, it is rarely out of vanity. Rather, it is often a resilient effort to gather scattered loved ones and create community where it no longer exists naturally. I hope we might view this not as a breach of taste, but as a necessary adaptation to keep our connections alive.

GENTLE READER: Agreed that the social fabric has thinned, and also that it is an excellent idea to gather people one cares about to, as you put it, recreate community.

Miss Manners only wonders why one should wait to do so on an occasion on which presents for one's daughter are expected.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I was growing up, it wasn't unusual to see a woman lunching alone at a restaurant, all decked out in hat and gloves. As more women entered the workforce and began traveling for business, they would often have dinner alone in nicer restaurants.

In fact, I remember being warned not to accept being relegated to the back of the restaurant or to a table near the kitchen. My peers and I were told to exert our right to sit where we liked.

Oddly, these days, when more and more women live independently, I never see a woman dining alone, except maybe in a coffee shop. I would like to begin doing so: My husband can no longer dine out due to health problems, and I get tired of the compromises required when dining with friends. I would be very happy to eat dinner alone at a restaurant of my choice, but I'm not much of a trailblazer.

I just can't help but wonder why this has gone so out of fashion.

GENTLE READER: When Miss Manners thinks of valiant women blazing trails, their tasks are more arduous and dangerous than eating in a restaurant. She fails to see why you don't simply do it.

One can easily speculate about why it seems rarer for women to dine out alone today: It could be a matter of time, now that most women are working, or of money, as restaurants tend to be expensive. It could be sociability, as your preference for eating alone is atypical.

It could also have to do with the availability of takeout.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A family member sent me a "happy anniversary" message; however, it was on the date of my first marriage, not my second (which has now lasted 30 years). She attended both weddings.

It kind of ruined my day, but I know she meant well.

What bothers me, though, is that when I politely reminded her of my actual anniversary date, she messaged back asking if I was sure about that, since she had a different date saved in her book.

Certainly, she should not have asked if I was sure about my own wedding date, correct? How should I have responded?

GENTLE READER: With, "Yes, I'm quite sure. So is my husband. We were both there, as you may remember."

Why the mistake should have ruined your day, Miss Manners cannot guess. But why were you not amused at this silly attempt to avoid admitting to a mistake?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My local grocery store was very busy and the checkout lines were long. I paid little attention to the lady without a cart in front of me as she spoke to someone on her phone, assuming that she was with the person in front of her.

About 10 minutes later, just before it was my turn to place my items on the belt, another lady appeared with a full basket of groceries and asked to get by me, saying her friend in front of me was "saving her spot in line."

The request took me by surprise, and before I could react, she forced herself past my basket to join her friend.

I had a few choice words for her rude, inconsiderate behavior, but instead of an apology, she went on the offensive, loudly and repeatedly demanding that I not talk to her. I am sure that all 10 checkout lanes could hear her yelling, making it look like I had done something inappropriate.

I have seen privileged people hold up a grocery line by parking a basket of groceries in a line while they run around the store picking up additional items, but this was a new one for me.

I was so shocked and angry, I came close to leaving my basket and walking out of the store. Any suggestions, other than to let these types of people have their way?

GENTLE READER: That is galling, of course. We long to see rude people get their comeuppance.

But is it really worthwhile to turn such an incident into a brawl -- to which you contributed with your "few choice words"?

Apparently, many people think so. Miss Manners has a whole file of readers' letters about altercations in the grocery store line, and they are not just cross because they are hungry.

When one's sense of basic fairness is violated, indignation runs high. And this seems to be a time when many people are constantly on the defensive.

Miss Manners knows that she is creating trouble for herself in suggesting that one choose one's battles -- that infractions such as you describe are not worth getting into public fights with strangers. It will contribute to the mistaken notion that etiquette always requires yielding.

It does not -- but it does sometimes suggest not plunging into losing battles.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please provide guidance regarding what I consider to be an outrageously presumptuous practice in many restaurants. I refer to the server's providing two utensils when only one of two diners has ordered dessert.

It puts the customer in the uncomfortable position of having to explain that he or she doesn't want to share, or that the companion did not order dessert.

GENTLE READER: And it sometimes saves the server an extra trip.

But Miss Manners agrees that it puts the person who ordered it in the awkward position of seeming selfish. The way out of that position is to ask the other diner, while the server is still present, "Oh, did you want to order one of these, too?"

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the legal guardian of a relative who was born with a severe disability. Now middle-aged, she still has the mentality of a toddler. For reasons that are not relevant here, I promised her (and myself) when we were children that I would take care of her.

The problem? People, who probably think they're well-meaning, keep telling me how great I am for taking care of her -- how wonderful a person I am, how selfless I must be.

Miss Manners, I am none of these things. I take care of her because she needs someone to take care of her. Period. When people praise me like this, what I hear is, "I'm so glad I'm not in your shoes. I would never give up my life to do something like this."

Recently, she had a major health problem, and she is now much worse off than she was before. The adulations heaped upon me at this point are getting nauseating. Family members, friends and health care workers have all said something at this point.

What do they expect me to respond with? "Yes, I know. Thank you"? That sounds self-congratulatory.

I mean, seriously, why are they heaping praise upon my head for doing something that needs to be done? What would be the alternative, in their eyes? Have they no loved ones? Are they so self-centered that they can't fathom loving others?

What do I tell people who keep saying things like this? (Even worse, they speak this way in front of my relative, who is NOT hard of hearing.)

GENTLE READER: "Why? Wouldn't you do the same for someone you loved?"

And while their mouths are agape, frantically thinking of a response that does not make them look like monsters, Miss Manners suggests you and your family member make a quick getaway -- or at least change the subject.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I hosted a dinner party for 20 guests. Since a few of them smoke, I had arranged a separate room to function as a smoking room.

After the party, I discovered that a very small painting and a little sculpture were missing from the smoking room. Neither of them is really valuable, even sentimentally, but it still has left me very distraught.

There is no other way that these items could have disappeared except being taken by someone. Only three guests were ever in that room.

Now, what do I do? I have not mentioned this to anyone, since it undoubtedly would make everyone uncomfortable and lead to speculations about who took the things. I'd rather just forget about the whole thing, but if something similar happens in someone else's home, I will feel guilty for not having said anything.

GENTLE READER: You could tell the three of them that you misplaced the items and wanted to verify if they had seen them when they were there.

This would fool exactly no one, but it would put the perpetrator on notice that you are onto them without any direct accusations. Which is what, it seems to Miss Manners, you wish to accomplish.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)