DEAR MISS MANNERS: Elevators have been in existence, I believe, for more than 150 years, but there does not seem to be a system of accepted manners related to them.

It is true that we no longer dance around in the elevator so as to allow all the women to get out before the men. There is, however, pandemonium on first floors, when people wishing to board will not wait for occupants to get off. The expressions on their faces indicate they are astonished to find that the machine contains passengers!

I am going to give you my solution and petition you for approval of my actions, which I believe will correct the problem over time.

I am a 6-foot man, and when I stick out my elbows, I pretty much fill the space between the doors. When the doors open, if I note any inclination for those outside to crowd in, I spread my arms and say in a loud voice, “It is not polite to crowd in when people are coming out.”

Do I have your approval for this behavior, and do you think it will prove to be effective?

GENTLE READER: You do not -- firstly, because you are going to elbow some unsuspecting person in the face, and secondly, because it is rude to correct another’s manners.

Both problems can be avoided if you instead say, “Excuse us, people coming out, please.” If the announcement is made in a booming voice, it will be surprising enough to render the physical barrier of sticking out your arms unnecessary.

Even so, Miss Manners does not see this solving the problem everywhere and for all time, unless you plan to spend an awful lot of time in elevators.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Once a month, my grandmother hosts a group of friends at her house for a chat and an afternoon tea. She loves the company and the catch-up, as they are all older and can’t get out much, especially since COVID.

I noticed one guest is very snippety and degrading to the rest of the group, but my grandmother says it isn’t her place to say anything.

I noticed the group declining in numbers and coming up with reasons not to come. My grandmother is angry at her friends for not coming over. I gently hint that if someone is being rude, and the hostess does not ask them to be more mindful, then yes, people will stop coming.

However, she tells me I am wrong and that a hostess doesn’t tell anyone to, in my generation’s words, “stay in their lane.”

How can I get my grandmother to understand this before she loses the friends altogether?

GENTLE READER: Forgive this grandmother for not understanding what you are asking yours to do. Miss Manners hopes it is not to commit the unpardonable rudeness of calling out a guest’s rudeness to her face. (The guest’s face, that is. Once the guest is gone, you are free to try to convince your grandmother that this guest is scaring away her other friends.)

You might be more successful if you say that that person is not to everyone’s taste, and perhaps Grandmama can socialize with her one-on-one and convene a more like-minded group for afternoon teas.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Nearly three decades ago, my husband committed a serious crime. He faced the consequences, served his sentence, and has since built a quiet, responsible life. He has taken full accountability and has worked hard to be a devoted husband and Christian.

Yet even after all these years, whenever his past comes up -- whether whispered by neighbors or bluntly raised by acquaintances -- people seem to see only the crime, not the person he has become. Some act as if it is their right to question me about it, while others avoid us altogether.

How can I respond with dignity when people insist on defining my husband by a mistake from decades ago, instead of by the life he has built since?

GENTLE READER: It perplexes Miss Manners how many people adore “Les Miserables” without being upset by its central accusation: that it is the rankest hypocrisy for society to equate serving one’s time with forgiveness.

But even if society were genuinely forgiving, there are many types of serious crimes. Being forgiven by society and being forgiven by one’s victims are different matters.

It is a simple matter to preserve your dignity with former victims of your husband’s crime who now wish to maintain their distance: Respect that wish. For those who wish to confront you, depending on how they do so, it may be necessary to create some distance -- with as much respect and humility as you can muster.

This does not apply to the merely curious. They are simply being rude, which means that it is time to excuse yourself from the conversation.

Note the fundamental difference in what Miss Manners is saying from what you asked: While it is laudable that your husband’s behavior has changed, there is no need to invite people to judge your husband on his behavior, past or present -- and Miss Manners is cynical enough to think that no good will come of doing so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Here’s a moment that has bothered me for decades. When I was an unworldly 20-something male visiting Manhattan for the first time, a friend and I dined at an upscale restaurant. It was my first time at a place like that.

Our waiter brought a generous tray of olives and celery sticks to the table and then disappeared for a long while. I ate an unpitted olive and then realized there was no dish on which to place the pit. I didn’t want to deposit it on the fine white tablecloth or toss it back with the other olives. We debated what to do and finally decided I should simply throw it under the table onto the floor.

Yes, I know. Gross. What should I have done? Put it in my pocket?

GENTLE READER: You could have wrapped it in a handkerchief, tissue or napkin. Or if it was bothering you that much, you could have made a special trip to the bathroom and disposed of it there.

But if this has been on your mind for decades, Miss Manners wonders how you have resisted going back to see if it is still where you left it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am still not inured to the rampant trend of women tattooing their hands, feet, arms, backs and even faces. I don’t believe at all that I am old-fashioned, but defacing one’s body will never be attractive.

What am I to say to a woman -- “What a pretty tattoo. It really enhances your dainty feet”?

GENTLE READER: And what sarcastic remark would you like that lady to make while critically assessing your appearance?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a large city and take public transportation almost daily. I am 80 years old. The busses and trains have seats up front that are clearly marked for seniors and people with disabilities.

But they are often filled with young people who appear quite fit and healthy. They are also occupied by people with babies or children in large strollers that take up multiple seats.

The bus drivers do nothing to enforce the rules, and we seniors are left trudging down the bus aisle while the people in the seats smirk, look at their phones and talk to each other.

Any suggestions? When traveling with a young child, I used to bring a small collapsible stroller, which I folded up and put my child on my lap. No one does that where I live anymore.

GENTLE READER: It was another Gentle Reader who once came up with the polite way to handle this situation. The idea is to target a passenger who is young and unencumbered; approach them, smile and say, “Thank you so much for saving that seat for me.”

Miss Manners hates to encumber this delicious solution, but must add some caveats. First, not all disabilities are clearly visible. There may be young people who are legitimately occupying those seats.

Secondly, please grant some leeway to people with small children. It may not be easy to keep control of a collapsible stroller, let alone a small child.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: There is a lovely couple in their 30s in my community who have gone through fertility struggles. They have just posted an online campaign with the goal of raising money to go toward adoption costs.

Although I understand their desire to have a child, I find this very inappropriate.

I’ve seen jars looking for donations for honeymoons, money to offset the cost of a wedding, trips abroad and now adopting a baby! Frankly, I am appalled.

GENTLE READER: Indeed, begging -- the humiliating last resource of desperate people -- has now become commonplace among those who want help with their bills or luxuries they cannot afford.

Not that Miss Manners considers having children a luxury. It should be available to all, but it is highly expensive, and the enormous cost of adoption fees (or fertility treatments) would be just the beginning. Will this couple go on to beg for money for the child care, education, medical attention and other necessities the child will require?

She can understand why people sympathize with this couple. But others have their own expenses, and cannot be expected to subsidize those who are presumably capable of managing their own lives.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)