DEAR MISS MANNERS: Nearly three decades ago, my husband committed a serious crime. He faced the consequences, served his sentence, and has since built a quiet, responsible life. He has taken full accountability and has worked hard to be a devoted husband and Christian.

Yet even after all these years, whenever his past comes up -- whether whispered by neighbors or bluntly raised by acquaintances -- people seem to see only the crime, not the person he has become. Some act as if it is their right to question me about it, while others avoid us altogether.

How can I respond with dignity when people insist on defining my husband by a mistake from decades ago, instead of by the life he has built since?

GENTLE READER: It perplexes Miss Manners how many people adore “Les Miserables” without being upset by its central accusation: that it is the rankest hypocrisy for society to equate serving one’s time with forgiveness.

But even if society were genuinely forgiving, there are many types of serious crimes. Being forgiven by society and being forgiven by one’s victims are different matters.

It is a simple matter to preserve your dignity with former victims of your husband’s crime who now wish to maintain their distance: Respect that wish. For those who wish to confront you, depending on how they do so, it may be necessary to create some distance -- with as much respect and humility as you can muster.

This does not apply to the merely curious. They are simply being rude, which means that it is time to excuse yourself from the conversation.

Note the fundamental difference in what Miss Manners is saying from what you asked: While it is laudable that your husband’s behavior has changed, there is no need to invite people to judge your husband on his behavior, past or present -- and Miss Manners is cynical enough to think that no good will come of doing so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Here’s a moment that has bothered me for decades. When I was an unworldly 20-something male visiting Manhattan for the first time, a friend and I dined at an upscale restaurant. It was my first time at a place like that.

Our waiter brought a generous tray of olives and celery sticks to the table and then disappeared for a long while. I ate an unpitted olive and then realized there was no dish on which to place the pit. I didn’t want to deposit it on the fine white tablecloth or toss it back with the other olives. We debated what to do and finally decided I should simply throw it under the table onto the floor.

Yes, I know. Gross. What should I have done? Put it in my pocket?

GENTLE READER: You could have wrapped it in a handkerchief, tissue or napkin. Or if it was bothering you that much, you could have made a special trip to the bathroom and disposed of it there.

But if this has been on your mind for decades, Miss Manners wonders how you have resisted going back to see if it is still where you left it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am still not inured to the rampant trend of women tattooing their hands, feet, arms, backs and even faces. I don’t believe at all that I am old-fashioned, but defacing one’s body will never be attractive.

What am I to say to a woman -- “What a pretty tattoo. It really enhances your dainty feet”?

GENTLE READER: And what sarcastic remark would you like that lady to make while critically assessing your appearance?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a large city and take public transportation almost daily. I am 80 years old. The busses and trains have seats up front that are clearly marked for seniors and people with disabilities.

But they are often filled with young people who appear quite fit and healthy. They are also occupied by people with babies or children in large strollers that take up multiple seats.

The bus drivers do nothing to enforce the rules, and we seniors are left trudging down the bus aisle while the people in the seats smirk, look at their phones and talk to each other.

Any suggestions? When traveling with a young child, I used to bring a small collapsible stroller, which I folded up and put my child on my lap. No one does that where I live anymore.

GENTLE READER: It was another Gentle Reader who once came up with the polite way to handle this situation. The idea is to target a passenger who is young and unencumbered; approach them, smile and say, “Thank you so much for saving that seat for me.”

Miss Manners hates to encumber this delicious solution, but must add some caveats. First, not all disabilities are clearly visible. There may be young people who are legitimately occupying those seats.

Secondly, please grant some leeway to people with small children. It may not be easy to keep control of a collapsible stroller, let alone a small child.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: There is a lovely couple in their 30s in my community who have gone through fertility struggles. They have just posted an online campaign with the goal of raising money to go toward adoption costs.

Although I understand their desire to have a child, I find this very inappropriate.

I’ve seen jars looking for donations for honeymoons, money to offset the cost of a wedding, trips abroad and now adopting a baby! Frankly, I am appalled.

GENTLE READER: Indeed, begging -- the humiliating last resource of desperate people -- has now become commonplace among those who want help with their bills or luxuries they cannot afford.

Not that Miss Manners considers having children a luxury. It should be available to all, but it is highly expensive, and the enormous cost of adoption fees (or fertility treatments) would be just the beginning. Will this couple go on to beg for money for the child care, education, medical attention and other necessities the child will require?

She can understand why people sympathize with this couple. But others have their own expenses, and cannot be expected to subsidize those who are presumably capable of managing their own lives.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I regret to tell you that, in the modern parlance, “You’re welcome” isn’t polite. It is currently more polite to say “No problem” or “No worries,” which imply that whatever was done, the doer was happy to do it.

On the other hand, “You’re welcome” is passive-aggressive and means to communicate that the recipient better be thankful, because the situation was an imposition.

I’m not saying that others intend anything impolite, especially if they are older as well, but they should be made aware of how the term is currently being used.

GENTLE READER: Oh, please. Unless you find that word offensive, too.

Miss Manners has defended “No problem” and “No worries” from those who find them offensive, claiming that they suggest that a request might have been a problem or a worry. It strikes her as a reasonable response, equivalent to the conventional replies in several Romance languages.

But would all of you just please stop looking for trouble? It does not contribute to the general level of civility to brand well-intentioned, common expressions as insults.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do you get people to RSVP in a timely manner? My suggestion is to mention, in your invitation, that you have only a specific number of dinners, special treats, surprise gifts/goodie bags, etc. -- and that guests should reply if they want a shot at them.

GENTLE READER: Has it come to that? Hosts have to bribe prospective guests to acknowledge their offers of hospitality?

Miss Manners has noticed that forms for responding to social invitations have gotten harsher and harsher, as prospective guests have gotten increasingly more callous.

Long ago, invitations did not request responses. It was thought that -- duh! -- if you were asked to go somewhere, you would have the sense, not to mention the decency, to say whether you would or wouldn’t.

If someone said, “Want to get a beer?” would you just sit silently and say nothing? But apparently that is what many people do when asked to come to a dinner -- or to a wedding.

So disgruntled hosts started asking outright for replies. And to Miss Manners’ annoyance, they popularized a French abbreviation, which baffles many and mangles the language. (“Rsvp” is not a verb, should not be preceded with “please” as that is already built in, and only the first letter should be uppercase.)

Asking for replies rarely works, so hosts started adding deadlines -- which are also often ignored. And now you want to add bribes.

Here is a question to which Miss Manners would appreciate an answer: Why you want to entertain people who cannot be bothered to answer you?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been told that one should tip a barber. I also have been told that doing so is not necessary if the barber owns the barbershop. Is this true?

GENTLE READER: Depends on whom you ask. Miss Manners is guessing that the first answer came from the owner of the barbershop.

The idea is that owners of businesses are above accepting tips, which are for underpaid workers, including barbers. But as you probably discovered, the owners don’t all feel that way.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)