DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was in line at a busy cosmetics store. The line wasn’t moving very fast when the woman behind me asked me to save her place: She said an employee had forgotten to give her something, and she had to get it. I was approximately fifth in line and there were at least that many people waiting behind me.

I looked at the people behind her and I told her no -- but before I could explain why I wasn’t comfortable holding her place, she called me rude and proceeded loudly to say how mean I was that I wouldn’t do this for her at Christmas.

At the same time, the woman in front of me turned around and also berated me -- but this woman also didn’t step up and say she would do it. I told her she really needed to ask the people she was in front of to hold her place. The man behind her said he would.

All through my wait and checkout, she continued to loudly tell everyone who would listen how rude I was, and I was even called a Grinch.

I felt embarrassed and hurt, and I feel like I didn’t do anything wrong by denying her request. I personally would never ask anyone to do this for me; I would have left the line, gotten my item and then gotten back in line at the end.

GENTLE READER: Standing in line has gotten hazardous. You are far from the only one to report being insulted while waiting to check out.

Everybody seems to be disgruntled and defensive. And Miss Manners notices that this includes you.

This was not a question of breaking into line, but of being momentarily absent from it. Is it really such a crime to dash out and pick up another item and then return to the line? Did you at least begin with an apology for not doing so?

All of you clung to your own abstract sense of justice over an extraordinarily trivial matter to prevail over the obligation of common courtesy. It makes for a very unpleasant society. Merry Christmas.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper way for my 16-year-old daughters, who are twins, to respond when a friend asks them, “What do you want for your birthday?”

They are having a small party, and one of the girls asked that question. We are really starting to work on our manners and don’t really know the correct way to respond to that.

GENTLE READER: “World peace.”

It saves them from sounding greedy.

Miss Manners, who rails against wish lists, realizes that this awkwardness would have been avoided had there been one. But would-be donors are supposed to take the trouble to observe tastes -- or at least ask others who might know.

In this case, it would have been ridiculously easy to ask Sophia what Olivia might like, and to ask Olivia what Sophia might like.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In 2023, I gave my husband's niece a lovely wedding shower at a restaurant. It included lunch and mimosas. The luncheon was about $1,500 with gratuity. I also paid for the cake, favors and game prizes, to the tune of another $500. I also gave a gift ($100). Later that year, my husband gave the bride and groom another gift from their registry.

Our son (a cousin of the bride) and his then-fiancee lived in the same town as this couple, and they occasionally had dinner together. Our son and his fiancee gave a wedding gift to the bride.

The niece/bride is an attorney, her husband is a social media influencer and they are worth millions. They live in a million-dollar home.

Fast-forward to our son's wedding in 2024. It was in a town near where they all live. My son and his wife did not have a wedding shower. They do well themselves. My family came in from out of state and paid for their own hotel rooms, airfare and car rentals. My husband's family, niece included, drove to the wedding.

My family, with less resources, still managed to give small gifts. Other than one nephew, none of my husband's family gave gifts. The wedding cost my son and his wife over $200 per person.

When opening gifts after the honeymoon, my son and his wife were hurt that the niece and her husband gave nothing. But they had two gifts from the registry that didn't have cards, so he called the niece and asked if either of those were from the niece and her husband.

The niece said, "No, we didn't get you anything."

So, fast-forward again: The niece is pregnant and is having a baby shower. It will be in her hometown, near my son. I do not plan to attend. I do not plan to give a gift.

I would like to say something to her about reciprocity, but don't know if it is inappropriate, or if I should say something to the nephew (the one who gave a gift). What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That there is an awful lot of tallying up of who is owed what in this situation. And despite your repeatedly stating so, not enough fast-forwarding.

Reciprocity in giving presents is expected, but it is not obligatory.

The niece's frank response, however, was rude. Miss Manners will therefore sign off on your not attending her baby shower or getting her a present. But please spare both the niece and the unwitting nephew a lecture. The latter already behaved well, and the former does not care.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a close friend who gives gifts we are not wild about, but display anyway. If she does not see her gift when here, she will ask about it: where is it, don't you like it, etc.

She is a sweet lady, but so needy. So we take down art we enjoy and put up the cat-in-the-bathtub picture. No sense hurting her feelings, right? Your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That you are a rare, good friend. Consider that every time you have to look at the cat in the bathtub.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am female, and I have a male friend who likes to flirt with other women when we go out for dinner or other occasions. Seeing as we're just friends, I don't think I have any justification for asking him to cool it.

On the other hand, I feel like he uses me in a way and disrespects me by constantly turning his attention toward any other woman in the room rather than me, his friend, whose company he is in. He sometimes asks me to approach women and ask them to join us, to ask for recommendations from them on the menu, etc.

I never flirt with other men or ask him to approach men for me -- doing so would seem rude to me. It seems to me that valuing a person and their friendship means giving them your attention when you visit with them. We don't see each other often, maybe once every couple of months.

GENTLE READER: Perhaps you and your friend can institute "Flirt Dates": outings with the specific goal of helping each other meet romantic prospects. The agreement would be that non-designated days are dedicated to just the two of you.

This does not guarantee, Miss Manners realizes, that your friend will abstain from extracurricular activity, but at least you will have put him on notice that A. his external flirting is distracting and takes away from your time together; B. you are not doing this because you have a romantic interest in him; and C. maybe you would like help finding a date as well.

Or not. But then, A. and B. would still apply.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 42-year-old woman who has been working hard to get healthier for myself and for my son. We have gone to the gym together multiple times a week, and are modifying our diet.

I am happy to say the work has paid off: I have dropped clothing sizes, and people have started noticing. I have had quite a few "Wow, you have lost weight" comments from co-workers, and have started to get comments, questions and even assumptions that I must be using weight loss drugs.

I am finding it hard to respond without being disrespectful to those who maybe are on such drugs. So far, I have just said I have never tried any meds, but I keep getting asked, so I don't think I am believed. What would be a better response?

GENTLE READER: You do not have to justify something that should not be commented upon in the first place. That your answer is not believed by these nosy, impertinent people is insulting.

Miss Manners suggests you continue to acknowledge what they believe to be a compliment and stop answering when they get intrusive (or even before). Eventually the novelty of you looking fit will wear off, and they can pry into the details of someone else's health and beauty regiment.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)