DEAR MISS MANNERS: I enjoy having friends and acquaintances from different walks of life, and have found unexpected kinship with people who hold beliefs very different from my own. In other words, I try not to be judgmental. My natural inclination when meeting someone is to find common ground.

However, I recently found myself in a situation where a mutual friend introduced me to someone whose public statements and actions are so reprehensible to me that I had no desire to find whatever redeeming qualities the person may have. I was, in fact, ashamed at the connection with him that the introduction foisted upon me.

Is it ever permissible to refuse a connection as the introduction is occurring? And how would one do that?

GENTLE READER: Refusing an introduction is not only impolite to the person being introduced, but, more importantly, to the friend introducing you. All you have to do is say, “How do you do?” and then move on.

Notice that Miss Manners does not suggest saying any version of the common (but not etiquette-sanctioned) “It’s nice to meet you,” because she knows it is not.

But even if you slip and accidentally say that -- and you should say something, out of respect to your friend -- simply meeting someone does not a social connection make. Still, Miss Manners will understand if you move along quickly enough to make sure that no pictures are taken as evidence.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Are white-painted fingernails and toes out of line as a wedding guest?

GENTLE READER: Yes, if your plan is to upstage the bride with your hands and feet.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Are the rules for attending operatic concerts relaxed when the venue is a public place, such as a park? Today at the local opera’s annual concert, I gritted my teeth and said nothing to the sotto voce chatterers beside me. But when someone started loudly singing along, I turned and said, “Excuse me, but we want to hear him, not you.” Was this a "draw" in relative rudeness?

Your books and columns have given me much pleasure.

GENTLE READER: But not much tact, Miss Manners notices.

Your sentiment was valid, but the words a bit harsh, making it indeed a draw. Next time, perhaps you could politely tell your vocalist that you are having trouble hearing the singer you came to see.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have just gone back to work with a broken wrist. How do I stop people, in a polite way, from trying to grab at my arm?

I clearly have a cast on; however, several people think it’s OK to try and grab my cast.

GENTLE READER: “Ouch.”

If that, or swiftly dodging out of the way, does not work, Miss Manners suggests you try some protective padding -- an arm cozy, if you will. It will be a bonus if it also protects you against those who did not get the urge to write crude things on casts out of their systems in high school.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do you do when the duty to write thank-you notes overwhelms any genuine sense of gratitude?

In my own upbringing, reciprocity and eagerness to give were prized over the finer points of expressing gratitude, and I confess that my gratitude muscle has suffered as a result. I am trying to strengthen it by practicing writing thank-you cards, starting with large events, such as my wedding and baby shower.

The endeavor has now lasted a couple of years, and I still have not finished with the thank-yous for either one. Meanwhile, other holidays, birthdays and events have come and gone, and while I do try to thank each gift-giver verbally, whether in person or on the phone, writing notes for each gift just seems like too much to be done during an already busy phase of life. This is also usually immediately following a time of upheaval due to planning, gift shopping of my own and major life changes. I am already exhausted, and the condition of my home is suffering for it.

On top of this, I still try to give to others what I can of my time, love, energy and resources, as I was raised to do. It seems like there is not time or energy left in the day to write.

I am most concerned about the task becoming a bitter chore and source of anxiety, crushing any real gratitude. How do you manage the task so that the expressions are genuine? Or is this a difficulty you have not encountered?

GENTLE READER: It is clear to Miss Manners that you can, in fact, manage to pen a heartfelt and genuine letter. Because you took three paragraphs to insist that your life is busier and more exhausting than those of the people who took the time to give you a present.

You will be relieved to hear that a good thank-you letter need only cost you about half that space and energy.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a fairly new mother of one child. After working hard to clear my work schedule and afford a family vacation, we’re finally here! The issue is all the other parents.

Every time I grab a cocktail and head to an expansive lawn to toss a ball to our dog or kick a ball to my daughter, four or five other kids descend. I would love nothing more than for my daughter to find a playmate, but it seems that I just end up running playtime.

GENTLE READER: As soon as the children start descending, look around for parents -- or loudly ask the children where they are. (If the children are not old enough to respond, just get louder.)

Once the parents have been located, say to the kids, “You might want to tell your parents that you are here, because I’m not sure how long we will stay. And we don’t want to abandon you.”

That last part, Miss Manners feels certain, will put the parents on high alert -- that they should either collect their children quickly or be prepared to take over playtime.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are frequent cruisers. That means we share spaces such as elevators, dining rooms, theaters, lounges, etc., with fellow cruisers we don’t know. We have always had pleasant times interacting with others.

On our most recent cruise, we encountered an older couple -- sometimes in the elevators, sometimes in our top-tier lounge -- who either don’t shower, don't use deodorant, or both. The body odor was overwhelming. It was noticeable within 10 feet of them.

We simply moved away or left the area when we ran into them, and would even get off the elevator on the wrong deck just to avoid the smell. It was really bad.

We noticed others doing the same, and we invariably caught each other’s silent, knowing expressions as to the problem.

I couldn’t imagine sitting near them at dinner or, heaven forbid, sharing a table. We would have had to leave.

How would you handle this? If it were a friend, or someone I know or work with, I would have no problem approaching the issue politely, but this seems a unique situation. Is this an issue for guest services to address, by perhaps leaving them a note and some toiletries?

They might have been very nice people, but no one will ever get to know them under these circumstances.

GENTLE READER: While you are right that any actions taken will depend on the relationship of the actor to the odiferous couple, let us be clear that there is no positive duty for you to act.

It would be rude of you -- as you do not know this couple or their circumstances -- to presume to speak to them about the situation, although you are free to ask guest services to reseat you if you find yourself at their table. The staff -- all the way up to the captain -- have no such luxury, and will just have to be polite and soldier on, if that is the right phrase for naval personnel.

You may get off the elevator at the wrong stop, but let’s cut out the knowing looks -- which might easily be seen, and understood, by this couple.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband’s third cousin, whom we’ve never met and with whom we have no personal relationship, has been compiling a family tree. Apparently she heard through another relative that one of our sons got married.

Now she is asking us via email to provide information about his wife (including her birth date and location), our other son’s wife, the date of our marriage, and other details.

What is the mannerly way to respond? We would never provide information about our immediate family members without their permission, but we also have absolutely no interest in this family tree project and do not want to spend any time on it.

Ignoring the cousin feels wrong, and telling her we don’t care about her hobby seems mean. But taking the time to gather the information she’s asking for would be unfair to us.

GENTLE READER: The most mannerly thing would be to pass the requests on to your sons and their wives. The least troublesome thing would be to pretend you do not understand how email works.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)