DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a longtime friend who has a habit of waiting until the last minute to confirm plans or even make them.

One Sunday morning, she asked me if I would like to come over and go for a walk sometime that week and then stay for dinner. I said, “Does Wednesday work for you? It looks like the weather will be OK that day.”

On Tuesday night at 8:30, she responded, “We can’t go tomorrow now because I’ve been called about getting a CT scan done for my implant.”

She has been doing this for at least 20 years. How do I kindly tell her that what she is doing is not respectful without getting her mad?

GENTLE READER: If she has been getting scans on her implant for 20 years, there might really be something wrong here.

But if what you meant is that she has been coming up with 20 years’ worth of emergency excuses, Miss Manners suggests you say, with a worried tone, “I have to tell you: I am afraid to make plans with you. Every time we do, something perilous comes up. I do not wish to put you in any danger!”

As for making those annoying last-minute plans? Consider that perhaps she is familiar with her own proclivity to cancel and actually wants to hold herself accountable. It does not mean you have to like it, but if you want to see her, it might be the only way.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A relative of mine died suddenly in her apartment. She lived alone, and sadly it was several days before she was found, along with her dog (who is doing fine).

The person who discovered her body was a security guard in her building; he had a warm but professionally distanced relationship with my relative and her dog. He’s been very kind and helpful through the post-death process of managing my relative’s apartment, and I get the sense that the experience of finding her in the apartment was difficult for him.

My family intends to send the security guard a heartfelt card thanking him for all he’s done and for being a kind and frequent presence in my relative’s life. But I wonder if something more substantial is warranted -- a gift card, check or donation to a favorite cause in his name, perhaps (though I don’t know him well enough to speculate what a favorite cause might be). Is there etiquette for this kind of thing?

GENTLE READER: Etiquette for what you should send the person who discovers your deceased relative? No.

Any sort of monetary present will feel inadequate. Miss Manners encourages you instead to put the energy into that letter, thanking the gentleman profusely for attending to such a monumental and potentially harrowing situation with so much grace.

Although, now that she thinks of it, a good bottle of wine might not be remiss.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was leaving an underground transit station and making my way to the escalator to go up to the street when I noticed a tall young man gaining rapidly on me from behind.

We have an unwritten rule that you stand on the right side of the escalator if you just want to ride, and move to the left if you want to walk up the moving stairs. I began to drift rightwards, but he came galumphing up on the right side of me. I stretched out my right hand to take the banister, saying to him, “May I please get on the escalator?”

With great annoyance, he stepped around to my left side and passed me, sternly proclaiming over his shoulder, “Move out of the way for people walking faster than you!”

I could only muster the feeble and not-quite-sensical response, “Not if you pass on the right! This is America!”

I am a reasonably fit and active woman who will turn 50 this fall. The young gentleman looked to be in his 20s and was wearing business attire. What is the etiquette for “faster walkers”?

GENTLE READER: Although your question pertains to walking, every type of vehicle has its own etiquette for passing, and examining the common features among the different systems is instructive.

You remembered two of the rules: 1. that the overtaker -- who has the better view -- has the primary responsibility to avoid colliding with the overtaken; and 2. that there is a correct side for passing someone.

Unfortunately, you forgot the equally, if not more, important shared duty to avoid a collision. The rules of sailing express this gracefully by requiring the overtaken to hold their course -- in other words, not to do something surprising that makes it harder for the overtaker to prevent a collision.

Grabbing the banister only to prevent the 20-something from passing on the wrong side made a collision more likely, and was therefore the worse infraction. He, of course, should have passed on the correct side, and also slowed down.

And while Miss Manners realizes that no one ended up on the ground, she does not believe that two strangers yelling at one another satisfies the goal of avoiding a collision.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work as a volunteer at a military base overseas. My problem is with a co-worker who will not communicate with me except via email. Usually the content of the communications is of a negative nature.

I am of the sort who prefers working out differences using speech and not the written word, especially when the two individuals live in close proximity.

This person is in a position of authority. I have repeatedly requested -- to no avail -- that we either talk in person or over the phone when she has gripes. Are there any etiquette rules regarding email and business communications?

GENTLE READER: There are, but you are not going to like the most important one: The boss gets to set the rules.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I joined a travel timeshare that we both love. The only thing we hate is how they try to upsell you.

After check-in, you are required to go to the concierge desk to get your arm band or parking pass. Once there, the hard sell starts; they try to bribe, encourage or beg you to attend a sales meeting. (They call them "updates," but it is ALWAYS a sales meeting.)

Once there, the sales staff lie and manipulate the math on your fees and benefits to get you into a higher tier. Their goal is to scare you into buying more.

How can I tell the concierge NO and just get to my room? I have used “No, thank you,” but it does not stop them from pushing. They will call your room and cellphone to try again each day you are at the resort. Reporting them to management is not an option: The salespeople are told they are doing a great job if they are trying to wear guests down to a “yes.”

GENTLE READER: Ask them if they could please only call in case of emergency. If they are unable, or unwilling, to do that, Miss Manners would tell them you are going to henceforth forward all their calls to voicemail -- and then ask for a wet towel to be used in case of a fire.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend has coached our daughter’s soccer team for years. At the end of each season, he graciously hosts a much-anticipated afternoon barbecue for the girls and their parents. Awards are given, moderate amounts of beer are consumed, and a swell time is had by all.

This year, Coach received this email from one of the parents: “Although I may face some opposition, I am wondering if we could do without the adult beverages. I know, I know, but it is a party for the kids. Please don’t be upset; just a friendly suggestion.”

Coach doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t want to offend the author, or make her daughter feel excluded. On the other hand, it’s a party for the adults, too. It seems wildly incorrect to accept an invitation to an event while suggesting significant alterations to it.

On the other hand, we want all the guests to feel welcomed and cared for. What do we do?

GENTLE READER: While criticizing the host’s arrangements is not generally accepted guest behavior, the topic raised, the larger circumstances and the apologetic way in which the parent raised the issue require a substantive response.

That does not necessarily mean doing what this parent has asked -- contrary, apparently, to the desires of everyone else in the group -- but it does mean respectfully addressing the fear that motivated the request.

The host can do this by calling the parent and assuring them that the kids will have no access to the alcohol, and that in the unlikely event a parent misbehaves, it will be dealt with immediately.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)