DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a convenience store, with my arms full of groceries. There were three tall young men standing near the register in a group, and I asked if they were in line.

They said yes and lined up. When I thought they were finished, I placed my items on the counter and moved forward to the credit card reader, accidentally bumping into one of the men. He turned to me and said: “Well, you’re in a hurry, aren’t you?”

His manner was aggressive and his expression was hostile. I just stared at him, taken aback. What should I have said or done? I actually thought there was a chance he might strike me.

GENTLE READER: So should you have provoked them?

Miss Manners would not think that you wanted to get into a scuffle with a gang of what you believe to be rude and potentially violent men. But apparently many do. Miss Manners often hears about checkout lines turning volatile, if not lethal.

But not so fast. What about you?

Did you apologize for bumping into him? If not, his remark sounds as if it could have been merely a prompt to do so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A close friend of over 30 years recently lost her husband and decided to move back to her home state to be near her family. She moved before selling her house here, which she and her husband had loved.

She has now listed the house, but it has had very few viewings, and no offers. I happen to be downsizing and am moving soon. I’m very lucky that my house sold quickly.

My friend seems to be angry with me. She told me that my contract was a bad one -- one she would never have accepted. Our houses are very different: Mine is small, and obviously sold for a much lower price. I’ve never mentioned the price, but it was posted online with pictures, and I know she’s seen those.

When I speak to her or text her, I refrain from talking about myself. I ask about her, her new house (she says she hates it), her vegetable garden, her pets, her family or anything new. I get brief answers on the phone and no response to texts.

I don’t know how to go forward, and I hate to give up this friendship. I know she’s still grieving her recent loss and I would like to be supportive.

GENTLE READER: It is not easy to be supportive of someone whose misfortune takes the form of attacking her supporters. You are kind to keep trying, and fortunate to be able to do this at a distance.

Miss Manners has never cared for the idea that grief gives one license to cause grief for others. If you are able to persevere, perhaps your friend will someday recognize your kindness and appreciate your friendship. But it would be understandable, if unfortunate, if her anger persists until you feel you have to give up.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have asked my friends to help me swap an engine on my pickup truck, and they have generously agreed.

Mechanic etiquette says that if your friends are helping you on a car project, you provide drinks while they work. A worker is worthy of their wages. However, I am unsure how many beers I should give them for their assistance.

If my friends are helping me replace my engine over the course of an evening, should I get a six-pack or a dozen beers for each of them? I have heard of splitting a 30-pack, but I don’t believe we are alcoholic enough to manage that.

While I want to be generous, I also don’t want to inebriate them and possibly cause injury or sloppy work. Other than perhaps asking if they want a nonalcoholic option, what do you think is a proper number of drinks to provide?

GENTLE READER: How about you save the alcoholic drinks until after the work is completed? Because Miss Manners shares your fear that a 30-pack of beer may render your workers quite unworthy of their wages. And leave you with a wrecked engine to boot.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have autism, which makes it difficult to understand social situations -- especially within close friendships. I also tend to be a people-pleaser.

My best friend and I met in high school the day I moved to a new state, and we have now been friends for 13 years. I was the maid of honor at her wedding. I have stuck with her through the hard times she experienced, along with the happy times and some dark, depressing times. She is one of my favorite people to be around.

However, she has done some really wacky, hare-brained things that have led to arguments. She once volunteered me to help move a stranger’s things into their home; she's put me through a lot of four-hour improv shows that she was in (which were extremely inappropriate and in poor taste); she brings up people from my past who have hurt me terribly; and now she wants me to go to her speech contests, which are also four hours long.

I feel guilty for saying no. I told her that I have things I need to get done, and that I can only stay for the part when she is speaking.

I am desperate to keep this friendship. However, I am reaching my breaking point. It hurts. I love her. She is like my sister.

GENTLE READER: No living human should be subjected to four hours of improv.

Miss Manners notices that you mention your guilt for saying no to this, but not your friend’s reaction. You may be surprised by her acceptance of these boundaries, even if it does not seem probable at first.

It is certainly difficult to push back, but for the sake of the friendship, you must. Resentment is a much stronger relationship-killer than conflict. Almost as strong as those interminable performances.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One evening, quite late at night, I received a long, impassioned text from a stranger by mistake. In it, he talked about having had a "wonderful few hours" with someone and hoped to see them again. He also revealed some personal insecurities about their time together that are, obviously, none of my business.

I’m aware that sometimes, to avoid the difficulties of being honest about how one feels, a person may give a phony phone number to someone they do not plan to see again. In this case, it seems I was the unlucky lotto number.

How can I handle this in a way that is polite and spares the sender any embarrassment? Is it best to reply to the text right away and tell them, "I'm sorry, but you have the wrong number," as we do on the phone?

Or is the mortification I’d inflict on this person -- since they’d know I’d read their private message -- an ethical no-no, and it’s best just to delete the text and move on?

GENTLE READER: The eternal question is: Would you rather know the truth, or would you not? And the irony is that most people would rather know, but then chicken out when it is their turn to do the actual confrontation.

Miss Manners suggests that you simply tell the person that this was the wrong number. Let them draw their own conclusions as to why. There is always the chance that they typed it wrong. Even though we both know that it is unlikely.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a last name that my family has pronounced a particular way through the generations, and that most English speakers, looking at the name, pronounce in a more phonetic way.

If somebody asks me how I pronounce it, I tell them, but if somebody goes ahead and pronounces it the phonetic way, I never correct them -- partly because it seems a little rude, but mainly because I don’t care.

An old friend, though, has learned that she’s been mispronouncing my name for several decades now. She told me I was rude not to correct her in the first place and spare her the embarrassment of “saying it wrong” all these years.

Should I preemptively correct people if I’m not bothered by what they’re saying?

GENTLE READER: Not caring is as good and refreshing a reason as Miss Manners has heard for not being rude.

Still, for the sake of your friendship, you might tell your friend, “It never bothered me and frankly I am so used to hearing it the way you say it that it didn’t occur to me to correct you. But I certainly never wanted to be rude or make you feel bad. Please forgive me.”

In the future, if it comes up otherwise in conversation, of course you may politely tell someone the proper pronunciation. To wit: “The English are so funny about their H’s. It’s actually properly pronounced Shufflebottom, not Shufflebotham, as it’s spelled.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)