DEAR MISS MANNERS: We attended a charity event for a homeless shelter -- an event we have gone to for several years. This time, there was a guest speaker who was a former client of the shelter.

This gentleman had gone there when he was homeless and fresh out of jail. He spoke for 45 minutes, which I thought was way too long, and he included details about how he used to be a gang member, how his wife stole cars and how his youngest child was conceived at the shelter. He also talked at length about how all of this led to him becoming a born-again Christian.

Would it be wrong to give feedback to the shelter director that this speech was too long and too detailed? It was a turn-off for me!

GENTLE READER: Prior to dinner, did you make two online purchases, register at a website, drop a child at school, and go to a doctor’s appointment? And in every one of these encounters, were you asked if the exchange met your expectations and to give feedback? Were you then able to post your opinion about every other aspect of your day on your various social media feeds?

Miss Manners suspects that if she has the specifics wrong, she has the gist right: You have had more than enough opportunities to voice your opinion about everything.

Should you also tell the people who fed you about the things you didn’t like at their event? Did they even ask?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The homes in our neighborhood have very prominent “No soliciting” signs on the front doors. This usually does not stop various salespeople from ringing our doorbells and continually knocking on our door, as they can see through our open curtains that we are home.

They always seem incredulous when I yell “The sign says 'No soliciting'; that means you!” at them when they are standing in my yard, looking right at me through my living room window.

It feels rude to yell at strangers, but it also feels like they are trespassing and violating my privacy when they disregard my signage and look into my home. What would you have me do in the future?

GENTLE READER: Your request for stronger measures -- after admitting to the practice of yelling, at strangers, loudly enough to be heard through a closed window -- not unnaturally makes Miss Manners stop to think before she responds.

Is this a case of one straggler per week who, though annoying, could be either ignored or turned away at the door with a brusque “No thank you”? Or is there a line of salespeople jostling at the gate, day and night, whose comings and goings are keeping the baby awake?

Before we start building fences, investing in locks or calling the police, have you tried identifying the company whose representatives these are? If the repetition and intrusiveness is as seriously invasive as you suggest -- and you can keep your tone icily civil when you complain -- you can let the company’s attorneys deal with possible illegalities.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am planning to invite my daughter’s in-laws to a formal dinner. I plan to host it the way my late almost-aristocratic mother would have done 60 years ago: with fine china, starched linens, good silver, flowers, the lot. I am partly (well, mainly) motivated by a few snobbish remarks dropped by my daughter’s father-in-law.

The thing is, I was raised to roll up my napkin after dinner and put it in my napkin ring, with my name engraved on it, for later use. But I cannot remember for the life of me whether guests should find a napkin ring provided if they’re only staying for one meal.

GENTLE READER: If this gentleman is as pretentious as you say, he may well believe, as many now do, that silver napkin rings add a formal touch to a table. And he would be wrong.

They do not belong at company meals.

Your mother used the napkin rings to lighten the load of the laundress (who, for all Miss Manners knows, may have been your mother herself). The family used their napkins at more than one meal, so it was necessary to distinguish whose was whose. You wouldn’t want to be stuck with your brother’s napkin after he wiped jam all over it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At my partner’s son’s wedding, the first row had names taped on the chairs for assigned seating. For the first row on the groom’s side, the first seat was for the groom’s mother, followed by the groom’s father (my partner), their daughter, the groom's mom's partner, then me.

I’d never met the gent next to me (the mom’s partner), so it felt awkward. But I made the best of it and chatted him up -- asking about his own children, as folks usually enjoy talking about that.

My partner and his ex are polite and cordial to each other. They’ve been divorced for 20 years, and my understanding is that it was acrimonious, but that they eventually developed an uneasy truce. They shared custody of their children, who have long since been adults.

We had assumed we’d sit together during the ceremony, so it was a bit of a surprise when the wedding planner told us about the seating arrangements about half an hour prior. Of course, we just accepted it and made no protest. We had no desire to make waves at his son’s wedding.

Was I wrong in feeling uncomfortable with this assigned seating situation? I hid my feelings and certainly won’t voice any complaints after the fact. Just wanted a reality check. Do you think my discomfort was understandable?

GENTLE READER: Yes. Instead, you should feel proud of yourself for handling an awkward situation graciously.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I understand that we shouldn’t talk about religion, nor about politics.

Now it’s food that’s verboten.

Sports? Please, no!

Travel plans or trip reports? Yawn.

Health concerns? Yech.

Bragging/complaining about children/other relatives/neighbors/jobs? Snore.

Favorite movies/TV shows/news sources?

Hobbies?

New cars or other big-ticket purchases?

Reminiscing about college/high school experiences?

Gossip? Especially about strangers?

Please provide a list of approved topics.

GENTLE READER: Sure. Just as soon as you provide Miss Manners with a list of topics on which you are prepared to have a civil and respectful give-and-take with people whose opinions may be different from your own.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In a historical novel I was reading, a young woman was widowed, and she was bemoaning that she would have to wear only pearls -- no diamonds. Was that really a thing at one time?

GENTLE READER: Yes. Mourning, which would last at least two years for a widow, proscribed any jewelry except pearls and black onyx, with the only gold permitted being the wedding ring. Everything was supposed to be matte, so even clothing made of shiny material was not supposed to be worn.

Ridiculous, you say?

Well, ridiculously exaggerated. Perhaps only in novels were ladies condemned to dowdiness in tribute to someone of whom they may have been only too delighted to be free.

Now, expressing mourning though appearance has pretty much been dropped. Many people do not even wear black to funerals, much less afterwards -- unless it is to weddings.

But visible mourning did serve a purpose. At the funeral, it indicated respect for the deceased. And in later stages, it warned others that the wearer’s state was possibly fragile.

As quaint as it seems, Miss Manners would think a modified version would be useful nowadays as protection against sidewalk therapists, with their unsolicited demands that the bereaved quickly achieve "closure."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Why do so many people, mostly young, feel the need to stick out their tongue when a picture is being taken of them? This is not very photogenic, and in fact ruins the picture!

GENTLE READER: That is why.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a mobility issue that causes me to wobble and stumble. Several years ago, I began to use a walker because it helps keep me from falling.

I used to love to wear dresses for special occasions like weddings, anniversary parties and such. But now that I use the walker, and often sit in it at special events, I am not comfortable wearing dresses. A short dress doesn’t cover enough of my legs when seated, and a long one gets caught in the walker's wheels.

Would it be rude of me to wear a dressy pantsuit to special events and formal occasions?

GENTLE READER: Now that the dressy pantsuit is the uniform of female senators and other high-ranking officials, Miss Manners believes you are safe.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)