DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am planning to invite my daughter’s in-laws to a formal dinner. I plan to host it the way my late almost-aristocratic mother would have done 60 years ago: with fine china, starched linens, good silver, flowers, the lot. I am partly (well, mainly) motivated by a few snobbish remarks dropped by my daughter’s father-in-law.

The thing is, I was raised to roll up my napkin after dinner and put it in my napkin ring, with my name engraved on it, for later use. But I cannot remember for the life of me whether guests should find a napkin ring provided if they’re only staying for one meal.

GENTLE READER: If this gentleman is as pretentious as you say, he may well believe, as many now do, that silver napkin rings add a formal touch to a table. And he would be wrong.

They do not belong at company meals.

Your mother used the napkin rings to lighten the load of the laundress (who, for all Miss Manners knows, may have been your mother herself). The family used their napkins at more than one meal, so it was necessary to distinguish whose was whose. You wouldn’t want to be stuck with your brother’s napkin after he wiped jam all over it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At my partner’s son’s wedding, the first row had names taped on the chairs for assigned seating. For the first row on the groom’s side, the first seat was for the groom’s mother, followed by the groom’s father (my partner), their daughter, the groom's mom's partner, then me.

I’d never met the gent next to me (the mom’s partner), so it felt awkward. But I made the best of it and chatted him up -- asking about his own children, as folks usually enjoy talking about that.

My partner and his ex are polite and cordial to each other. They’ve been divorced for 20 years, and my understanding is that it was acrimonious, but that they eventually developed an uneasy truce. They shared custody of their children, who have long since been adults.

We had assumed we’d sit together during the ceremony, so it was a bit of a surprise when the wedding planner told us about the seating arrangements about half an hour prior. Of course, we just accepted it and made no protest. We had no desire to make waves at his son’s wedding.

Was I wrong in feeling uncomfortable with this assigned seating situation? I hid my feelings and certainly won’t voice any complaints after the fact. Just wanted a reality check. Do you think my discomfort was understandable?

GENTLE READER: Yes. Instead, you should feel proud of yourself for handling an awkward situation graciously.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I understand that we shouldn’t talk about religion, nor about politics.

Now it’s food that’s verboten.

Sports? Please, no!

Travel plans or trip reports? Yawn.

Health concerns? Yech.

Bragging/complaining about children/other relatives/neighbors/jobs? Snore.

Favorite movies/TV shows/news sources?

Hobbies?

New cars or other big-ticket purchases?

Reminiscing about college/high school experiences?

Gossip? Especially about strangers?

Please provide a list of approved topics.

GENTLE READER: Sure. Just as soon as you provide Miss Manners with a list of topics on which you are prepared to have a civil and respectful give-and-take with people whose opinions may be different from your own.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In a historical novel I was reading, a young woman was widowed, and she was bemoaning that she would have to wear only pearls -- no diamonds. Was that really a thing at one time?

GENTLE READER: Yes. Mourning, which would last at least two years for a widow, proscribed any jewelry except pearls and black onyx, with the only gold permitted being the wedding ring. Everything was supposed to be matte, so even clothing made of shiny material was not supposed to be worn.

Ridiculous, you say?

Well, ridiculously exaggerated. Perhaps only in novels were ladies condemned to dowdiness in tribute to someone of whom they may have been only too delighted to be free.

Now, expressing mourning though appearance has pretty much been dropped. Many people do not even wear black to funerals, much less afterwards -- unless it is to weddings.

But visible mourning did serve a purpose. At the funeral, it indicated respect for the deceased. And in later stages, it warned others that the wearer’s state was possibly fragile.

As quaint as it seems, Miss Manners would think a modified version would be useful nowadays as protection against sidewalk therapists, with their unsolicited demands that the bereaved quickly achieve "closure."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Why do so many people, mostly young, feel the need to stick out their tongue when a picture is being taken of them? This is not very photogenic, and in fact ruins the picture!

GENTLE READER: That is why.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a mobility issue that causes me to wobble and stumble. Several years ago, I began to use a walker because it helps keep me from falling.

I used to love to wear dresses for special occasions like weddings, anniversary parties and such. But now that I use the walker, and often sit in it at special events, I am not comfortable wearing dresses. A short dress doesn’t cover enough of my legs when seated, and a long one gets caught in the walker's wheels.

Would it be rude of me to wear a dressy pantsuit to special events and formal occasions?

GENTLE READER: Now that the dressy pantsuit is the uniform of female senators and other high-ranking officials, Miss Manners believes you are safe.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work with a woman with whom I have a friendly, professional relationship. We are often in shared-food settings together, such as office lunches or happy hours with appetizers.

She adheres to a no-carb diet, but is quite gracious about encouraging others to order or bring whatever they’d like, saying that she’ll “make it work.”

My qualm is that when she needs to modify a food, such as only eating the cheese from a pizza, she will execute the modification on the shared dish, rather than taking a slice of pizza and carving it up on her own plate. The crust carcass remains on the serving plate.

Is this strange? Is there a polite way to encourage her to perform pizza surgery on her own plate?

GENTLE READER: “Here, Taylor, why don’t you take your piece first.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I own a small retail gift shop. I offer my clientele traditional gift certificates, printed on card stock, that have the recipient's name, the sender's name and the gift amount, all handwritten by myself.

For the past several years, a gentleman from the West Coast has called and purchased a gift certificate for his sister who lives here locally. It’s a considerable amount each year.

She came in once and requested a hand-blown glass item that was out of stock. I have since had them restocked, but she hasn’t returned.

I keep detailed notes of each gift certificate sold and redeemed. This past year, when the brother called, I didn’t mention to him that his sister hasn’t been redeeming the certificates. I thought it gauche. But I did send a polite note with her next gift, telling her that the item she was looking for is now back in stock. I included our store hours, and wrote that we look forward to seeing her again.

It’s been six months and she has not shown up, and she has several gift certificates now. They never expire and will always be honored; that’s not the problem. I honestly feel in a quandary about receiving money for products that are not being purchased.

The brother presumably doesn’t know she isn’t redeeming his gift certificates, but I don’t know if saying something to him is the polite thing to do.

Should I say something the next time he calls, or stay quiet?

GENTLE READER: “I hope that your sister is well. I haven’t seen her in the shop in a while, and I was concerned. I would love her to enjoy the things that you are kind enough to facilitate her buying.”

This is a gentle way to alert him to the certificate situation, while legitimately veiling it under the more polite guise that your concern is really about her health.

Miss Manners will add that it also saves both of you the embarrassment -- if it gets back to her -- of ratting her out if her taste in shops has changed.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)