DEAR MISS MANNERS: After 25 years at the same company, my role was eliminated by the parent corporation. When it comes to former co-workers, who should call whom after such a job loss?

I consider this something like a sympathy situation, and wonder if the remaining employees should call or write me to offer their support. If I should want to keep in touch with some of my work associates, should I make the first contact? If I have not received any contact, should I assume no one wishes to do so?

Is there any convention for this situation?

GENTLE READER: There are multiple conventions, depending on whether the relationship between the current employee and the departing one is personal or solely professional -- and also, unfortunately, on whether one wants to do what is proper or what is commonly done.

All too often, employees pretend the person fired never existed, which is both heartless and foolish, as it convinces bosses they will get the same response whether they make good decisions or bad ones.

But Miss Manners objects to treating such departures like deaths. Besides being unduly pessimistic, this makes personal assumptions about the terms of the separation and the feelings of the former employee. Such assumptions may be inaccurate and even condescending.

Employees whose jobs are eliminated should be treated the same as other departing employees. You may reach out to actual friends or they may reach out to you -- just be prepared to find out that some people you thought were friends are not so loyal when they do not see you at work.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the best way to communicate “dressy casual” on an invitation?

GENTLE READER: With a decoder ring.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it OK to give someone an item that one found? I found a really nice bracelet at a park. I took it to my jeweler, who confirmed that it was made of 14 karat white gold, with diamonds and garnets.

I tried my best to find the owner, placing an ad in a local online publication. It has been some weeks now, and no one has claimed it.

Someone dear to me has a birthday soon, and her birthstone happens to be a garnet. The bracelet is in a style that I imagine would appeal to her. She is not one to wear much jewelry besides her wedding rings -- often just simple earrings when dressing up. But this piece is dainty and the stones are not ostentatious.

Would it be OK to give the bracelet to her?

GENTLE READER: As etiquette prohibits you from snatching a gift back out of the recipient’s hands, Miss Manners recommends against giving away something to which you do not have a clear title.

This will save you the embarrassment of having to explain to someone who sees the notice after returning from an extended stay abroad why you no longer have the bracelet. Or of explaining to your friend how you came by an exact replica of her grandmother’s bracelet, which the grandmother lost on a walk in the park last month.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have visited a dear friend a few times over the years, and each time, I am greeted with a lovely guest room: comfortable bedding, fresh flowers and fluffy towels, all of which made my stay extra special.

When she visited me for the first time, I was excited to put together a similar experience for her. But I was rather shocked to discover that she arrived with a sleeping bag and her own towels, saying she didn’t want to inconvenience me.

Now I don’t know what to do when (or if) I visit her again. Pack my own bedding and towels? It seems odd that a guest would not want to enjoy the trouble that the host obviously went to, but perhaps I have been mistaken.

GENTLE READER: You don’t have bedbugs, do you?

Presuming that there is no such danger from which your friend has to protect herself, her actions have informed you that your hospitality is not good enough for her.

Oh, Miss Manners realizes that was not your friend’s intention. She is one of those people who says, “I just don’t want to be any trouble,” and therefore creates not only unnecessary trouble, but bad feelings as well.

Should you still want to accept her invitations, you should ask whether you should bring your own things -- and if not, ask why she did. Tell her that you had taken pleasure in providing accommodations that you thought she would enjoy, and were disappointed to find that she did not consider them adequate.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been the same weight my whole adult life, and I am very uncomfortable with comments about my body. I have several relatives who like to say “You’ve lost weight!” when I see them at holidays.

This seems rude to me. Nobody would ever exclaim, “My, you’ve gained weight!” So why do they think it’s OK to make the opposite observation? (Never mind that they are incorrect, and my weight hasn’t changed in 40 years!)

Is there a way to politely respond to this comment and suggest they stop saying it?

GENTLE READER: Really? You think nobody would ever insult anyone about gaining weight? So-called fat shaming is practically a national sport. Ask anyone who is not super-thin.

But you are right that there is some difference in the matter of losing weight. Unless a loss is so dramatic that your relatives are worried about your health, they probably believe that this is some sort of compliment.

It is not. Miss Manners recommends simply replying, “No, I’ve been this same weight my whole adult life.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I feel unwell when I hear graphic descriptions of medical and dental problems. Is there a polite way to stop these stories from being told before they cross the line for me? This has been quite a challenge for me over the years.

GENTLE READER: If you blurt out, “Sorry -- I’m terribly squeamish!” and then clap your hand over your mouth, Miss Manners believes that the subject will be changed in a hurry.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Too often for my comfort, I find myself at the bottom of a staircase, escorting a woman upstairs. My instinct is to let the woman go first, but the unfortunate result is that when I follow her up the stairs, my eyes are at the level of her bottom.

The situation is even more complicated if short skirts are part of the equation. The "solution" of my going up the stairs first means that the woman is then left at eye-level with my buttocks (which my wife kindly assures me is not a hardship), possibly making them uncomfortable.

To avoid -- or at least minimize -- any discomfort, who should proceed up the stairs first?

GENTLE READER: The correct procedure is that the lady goes up the stairs first, and a gentleman keeps his salacious thoughts to himself.

Should you go first, however, Miss Manners, unlike your wife, believes that you would be in no danger of exciting the lady behind you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an invitation to a 95th birthday celebration. While it’s lovely to be included at such a momentous occasion, I was a bit taken aback at the wording of the invitation.

After announcing the day and time, it read that no alcohol would be permitted. I understand that "Jenny" may not want a bunch of drunks carousing on her special day. Nevertheless, I thought the wording strange and even a bit unwelcoming.

The invitation also announced “No gifts, please” -- again, fine, because what would 95-year-old Jenny do with them? -- but after that, it said, “There will be a box for cards and cash.”

How would Miss Manners view such an invitation?

GENTLE READER: Such an unpleasant invitation.

There is no need to serve alcohol, but there is also no need to issue a warning, as if the guests were likely to smuggle it in. And forbidding presents while putting out a cash box makes it clear that admission is being charged.

Ordinarily, Miss Manners would advise you to treat this like the fundraiser it is -- that is, to accept only if you consider it a charity you want to support. But considering Jenny’s age, someone else might have crafted this event, and the invitation, on her behalf.

You might want to avoid such a person, and instead pay a separate visit to Jenny to acknowledge her birthday.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know this is going to sound nitpicky, but I get very slightly offended when I say "Thank you" to a server and they say “Of course.”

It just feels weird, like a brush-off. It feels like they're saying, “Of course you are grateful.” This seems to be a new standard response, especially among young servers. Sometimes they even seem surprised by my gratitude.

I admit that I tend to be overly polite (yes, that is a thing), but I really am grateful when people help me/serve me, and I want them to know I appreciate them. What ever happened to “You’re welcome” or even a casual “You bet!”?

GENTLE READER: That nit is already over-picked by people who are offended by the response of “No problem.”

Miss Manners suggests that you think of “Of course” as short for “Of course I am honored to serve you.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)