DEAR MISS MANNERS: I need to know if I am justified in feeling miffed.

Let me set the scene: I was the second of three people waiting in line to pay for our purchases at a local shop in our small town. The proprietor was the cashier, known to all of us.

First Person in Line was having a spirited conversation while her purchases were wrapped and bagged. Third Person and I maintained our silence. However, after First Person said her goodbyes, Third Person started right in -- loudly conversing with the proprietor about people I knew nothing about and usurping my opportunity to fully enjoy an important part of my local shopping experience. I could barely get in a “yes” when asked if I wanted my gifts wrapped.

Am I right in feeling slighted?

GENTLE READER: Sure. You waited patiently for your turn and were robbed of a good gossip with your local proprietor.

With any luck, it was a singular offense. If it happens again, however, you have Miss Manners’ consent to insert yourself into the conversation: “Who are you talking about? Liza? I’m not sure I know her. I do know Lisa on Mulberry Street, and she’s a doll. Her cherry trees are in full bloom right now. Have you seen them? Oh, you definitely should ...”

This should teach Third Person to wait their conversational turn.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have had a recurring situation happen for the past five years -- since I have been married.

My husband and I enjoy taking photos of us together using a timer on the camera. We have fun with the random photo expressions and experience joy this way. We set up a camera or phone on a tripod, then count down until it clicks.

Almost every time we do this in public, a stranger will quickly come up and ask if they can help us by taking the photo. I respond with, “No, thank you.”

I say it kindly, but it still causes an unpleasant feeling every time. It is met with severe shock, disbelief and often facial disappointment on their part, and there is often a lingering negative emotion hanging around.

I understand they come from a place of wanting to help. But should I have to explain why we don’t need their assistance? I have recently tried saying, “No, thank you. This is fun for us, to do it this way.” But that doesn’t work, either.

GENTLE READER: Perhaps a slight variation on that: “Thank you so much, but it’s just a thing we do,” accompanied by a self-deprecating laugh that says, “Aren’t we silly? Wouldn’t you prefer not to get involved?”

Miss Manners feels reasonably certain that if you execute that last part successfully, most people will acquiesce. If you want to tailor it to different generations for maximum effect, you might replace “thing” with “tradition” for the older set, and “trend” for the younger. The former may still look puzzled, but the latter should understand.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have changed from working at a veterinary clinic in a lower socioeconomic area to one in a more affluent area. I have noticed that when I refer my patients to the local specialist hospital, the hospital staff members are much more polite and respectful than they were when I called from my old clinic.

This upsets me on behalf of my previous clients, as they and their animals deserve the same treatment and respect as my new patients. Is there a way to gently encourage the hospital staff to be less concerned with the status of the area that the patients are from?

GENTLE READER: Yes, but if you want to avoid being called naive about the fact that money talks, you will have to play naive.

As a referring veterinarian, you will, at some point, be asked to share your thoughts on the hospital in question. No matter the form this takes -- questionnaires from the hospital itself, informal discussions at your new clinic, whatever -- include some negative examples about the facility's customer service from your days at the old practice. Do so without mentioning where the patients involved were from.

Given your status, this will cause concern and follow-up from the hospital. Even if the reasons for the disparate treatment turn out not to be as simple as you suspect, the hospital staff will realize your new clinic is speaking for the broader community. Miss Manners suspects all patients and facilities will benefit from this realization.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Once a month, I make a four-gallon pot of soup for my small church community. When planning the soup, I keep in mind the many food sensitivities that members of the community have, and still manage to serve a tasty variety of soups.

Today, a member served herself a large bowl of soup, seasoned it, took a few bites, then dumped the remainder of her soup back into the pot. I approached her and asked her why she had done that, and she said it was more than she could eat.

I told her she should have dumped the extra soup in the compost bucket. I told her to never do that again. She acted as though I was being rude.

For food safety, I should have dumped the entire pot of soup into the compost, but I did not. I warned another member that the soup was no longer free of the seasoning she is allergic to, and apologized because she looks forward to my allergen-free soup.

How should I have handled the culprit?

GENTLE READER: You should have been polite to the errant member. Perhaps you were, though your lack of interest in asserting that you were -- and your use of words like "culprit" -- make Miss Manners wonder.

A polite correction would still have allowed you to make the woman understand that her thoughtlessness meant other people were going to go hungry. But it would have been done with a sad tone, not an angry one -- using phrases of apology, not confrontation. It would also have emphasized consideration for church members with allergies, not your own anger about wasting the time you put into the preparation.

If apologizing to this culprit seems counterintuitive, Miss Manners asks you to consider the alternative: Do you want to be polite and change this person’s behavior? Or do you want to be rude -- and, by going on the attack, give her a valid grievance?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was on a tennis team and was eliminated during a tournament. I was supposed to play two matches: I played one and won, but then got injured and bowed out of my second match. I then recovered, but still didn’t get to play in the remaining matches.

We had a very strong team, so I knew I wouldn’t play much, but thought I would at least get the required two matches. The captain had indicated that she was going to play me, but then she didn’t. I’m not a bad player, so I am not sure why.

We ended up going to the playoffs, and again the captain didn't put me in, which basically eliminated me from further play. It was very painful and hurtful and unnecessary, because even if I had played and lost, the team would still have gone to the playoffs. So I had words with the captain and then later apologized.

I didn’t hear anything from the team for a while, and decided to go to a different team for a different age bracket. I am officially still on my original team, but was never invited to anything. Then out of the blue, I received an invitation to a party for the team as they prepare for sectionals, which I can’t play in because I only played once.

I am in a quandary as to how to respond. If I’d gotten my two matches in, I could just go to the party and have fun, but there is so much pain at my elimination that I truly don’t know how to respond.

If I don’t go, it will look one way, and if I do, I don’t know how that will look.

GENTLE READER: The last time Miss Manners checked, tennis was played with a single ball, so let’s try and keep our eyes on that and cut out some of the weaving back and forth.

She understands your frustration with how this season went. But she expects what you are really wondering is how to fit in better with the team, so that next season goes better.

The problem you are having is that your teammates are tired of hearing about the game you did not play. If you can attend the party, be charming and tell everyone else how well they played, you should go. If your only topic is going to be your missed game, then thank the captain for the invitation but stay home.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Someone I know messaged me about 5:30 p.m., requesting that I call them that evening as they had good news to share. But they also told me they were unavailable to talk from 8:30 p.m. and later.

I find this person stressful, and I'd already had a big, stressful day. So I politely sent a message back saying I was unable to call that evening. I never heard back.

Was that rude of me?

GENTLE READER: No. And while it was not, strictly speaking, rude of this person not to have followed up, or at least explained their request, Miss Manners considers it a good policy if they hope to encourage future compliance.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)