DEAR MISS MANNERS: I receive a lot of unwanted telephone calls from telemarketers and real estate buyers who are seeking to buy my house. Many of these callers start out by asking for me by name and then inquiring how I am doing.
Every once in a while, one of these callers turns out to be a recruiter instead of a telemarketer, so I wish to remain polite in spite of the annoyance of being called repeatedly by the same companies I’ve asked to stop calling.
Even knowing that most people who ask how I am doing aren’t actually seeking a truthful or complete answer, I still feel uncomfortable responding to what feels like a personal question from someone with whom I have no personal relationship. I don’t feel that comfortable making a reciprocal inquiry into their well-being, either.
Is there a polite way to respond without answering their question? And does etiquette demand that I respond in kind with an inquiry into their well-being?
GENTLE READER: The terms "friendship," "relationship" and "personal" have become so corrupted in common use that Miss Manners finds them entirely unhelpful in answering your question.
In the situation you cite, a perfectly proper response to the question "How are you doing?" is, “May I please know what you are calling in reference to?” If the answer is, “Are you interested in saving money on a new roof?,” there is nothing rude about responding, “Thank you, no, goodbye” and hanging up.