GENTLE PHYSICIAN ASSISTANTS AND PHYSICIAN ASSOCIATES: Please forgive Miss Manners those offensive apostrophes in her Dec. 12 column.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Does everybody return unwanted gifts to the givers these days, or is it just my family and close friends?

For example, let's say my sister gives me a plaster cherub with a clock in its stomach. Instead of hiding it in a closet and bringing it out when she visits, I’ll thank her (of course) and then hand it back.

Is that a refreshingly honest way of saving her money, or a rude rejection that saddles her with an errand?

GENTLE READER: It may surprise you to hear that not all honesty is refreshing. That is, you may feel refreshed if you tell your sister, “You have rotten taste and here is your stupid gift back,” but she is not likely to be.

Did your sister really give you a plaster cherub with a clock in its stomach?

If so, Miss Manners still disapproves of the return, but she does understand the temptation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: You must receive a lot of the same, or similar, questions. I'm just wondering: What are the most-asked ones?

GENTLE READER: Well, they are not, as may be supposed, about which fork to use. That is a question posed only by people wanting to declare that manners are trivial. Such people tend to be consistent in not having any.

Miss Manners finds that people rarely ask about the correct thing for them to do. Rather, they want to know how to handle people who are rude to them. Her job is to suggest ways to counter this without more rudeness -- or the popular alternative, violence.

There is also a topic that always shocks Miss Manners, but has become increasing prevalent: blatant greed.

People have gotten shameless about demanding money from family, friends and strangers alike. Even the ubiquitous gift registry, with its transparent whitewash, is giving way to the outright demand for money. Any occasion will do -- birth, death and anything in between -- as an excuse for begging.

It seems to Miss Manners that there are enough serious causes that need addressing before solvent people are justified in engaging in self-philanthropy.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was unfortunately not raised in the habit of writing thank-you notes, but I acquired the habit after my wedding. I enjoy writing them a great deal, and I like knowing that I’m showing my gratitude to those who do nice things for me.

But rather than feeling happy and appreciated for receiving a thank-you note, several friends to whom I’ve sent them say they feel guilty for not doing a better job of sending thank-you notes themselves.

I would very much like to continue this new habit, but the last thing I’m trying to do is make people feel bad. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: Hope that your friends, like you, will use the experience to understand the value of expressing gratitude. Miss Manners would be saddened to hear that the important lesson you learned about not ignoring generosity would be lost in an effort to relieve others of their guilt at not practicing this themselves.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is your opinion on vulgar language and risque jokes among a same-sex crowd?

I’m a man, and was brought up with the rule that a gentleman never uses certain words or tells certain jokes in the presence of ladies, but that this was acceptable (and even expected) when it was "just the guys." Indeed, a certain amount of coarse talk was considered a natural bonding experience in environments like locker rooms, drinking establishments, the military, etc.

Now that the sexes mix more, I am noticing more women using such talk when they are among men. What is allowed, and what is improper?

GENTLE READER: Funny how locker-room talk and lewd behavior is considered acceptable when it is just the guys, but let women in on the "fun" and suddenly it becomes vulgar.

Offensive is offensive, no matter who is present. Miss Manners advises you to abide by that rule, rather than the one that involves whether or not a certain gender or demographic is present. It is prudent to do so -- if not out of decency, then in case an active recording device is near.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do you respond to people who never reciprocate?

We casually hang out with a very social couple and their only son. Our kids have been friends for eight years. For that long, they’ve come over to our house for various dinners, holiday parties, drinks, coffee after the kids’ hangouts, etc. Sometimes they drop off their son.

Yet they’ve never asked us over in return. More bothersome, they’ve never asked our son over. I’ve only seen their house for 30 minutes in all these years, when the wife once asked me to help her choose paint swatches. The place was immaculate and beautiful.

Since COVID, we’ve scaled back and reevaluated, only hosting close friends who reciprocate. They got wind of it, grew paranoid and now pressure us frequently, saying, “We’re expecting you to invite us over too, anytime now!” Then they texted, “Which day next month works for us to visit for the day? We really want to come over.” They even had their son ask ours about visiting. Frankly, it’s gotten weird.

We’re busy with several kids, and it’s a lot of work. Maybe they dislike hosting, but they should not expect us to keep doing it. We feel used.

I don’t want to invite them anymore, but I also don’t want to mess up our sons’ friendship. We have other friends in common, so we will see them around. How do we set firm boundaries and let them know the one-way hosting is over?

GENTLE READER: “I’m afraid that our schedule has gotten out of control and we have other demands. But you are welcome to borrow Jordan, if Tayden is available.” This falls just short of rudely demanding an invitation -- although Miss Manners acknowledges that your friends have no such compunction.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What’s the “right” time to throw away greeting cards? When friends or family send birthday or other greeting cards, I generally read them and then throw them away, to my husband’s consternation.

My view is that I can throw them away now, or stick them in a box and throw them away in 20 years.

GENTLE READER: True. But if it bothers your husband, compromise by throwing them away now -- but out of his sight.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I feel like my words are not heard when I communicate with others, especially customer service exchanges and with persons such as social workers and medical case managers.

I repeat myself over and over. No matter how I rephrase my need, it’s casually brushed off or flat-out ignored. I am not in a position to change providers in these circumstances.

What do you say, that is still polite and kind, when you’re not being heard or acknowledged? I dread these conversations, and often have trouble falling asleep after an exchange goes south.

GENTLE READER: “I feel that I’m not being heard,” repeated as often as necessary until you are.

Of course, do not blame Miss Manners if, much like their AI counterparts, these customer service agents mechanically respond, “I’m sorry you feel that way. Did I solve the problem?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have decided on a destination wedding, and we understand the financial burden this places on those who wish to attend. We truly appreciate those who are generously giving of their time and finances to pay for travel and accommodations for several nights in a relatively high-end resort town during tourist season.

We would like to strongly convey to our guests that the travel is all the gift we could want or ask for. We share Miss Manners’ views on wedding registries and will not be having one, and we have told all who ask that their presence is the greatest gift they could give.

Many are not satisfied. In fact, some have gone as far as to tell us that by saying we don’t want gifts, we are just drawing more attention to the subject of gifts.

Please help us to kindly convey our sincere gratitude to those attending and deter those who feel required to do more.

GENTLE READER: It is so ingrained in modern wedding guests to follow a registry that they are often inclined to lash out when they are not told what to buy.

Miss Manners appreciates, however, that you are only telling people who ask that you do not require presents -- rendering them the ones drawing attention to it, not you. Deflection is about all you can do. That, and declining to hand out a shopping list so they don’t have to think, which is probably the real source of their annoyance.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)