DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend I rarely see, other than on social media, posted a confusing message. As she seemed to be in great distress, I clicked on the "care" button and figured I'd find out in time what was going on.

The confusing messages continued for a week. Since she seemed to be so distraught, I thought it was more polite to simply continue to click on the "care" button for these posts rather than ask her to explain what had happened.

Turns out, her husband had died suddenly. Do I send her a letter of condolence on her loss, with perhaps an offer to meet her for coffee at some time in the future? Or, in my confusion, have I exceeded the statute of limitations for expressing condolences? I don't want to make her life worse right now.

GENTLE READER: Because you think you pushed the "care" button too many times? Whether this is literally the case or not, metaphorically it is not possible.

Miss Manners assures you that a written condolence letter will not make this person's life worse. Well, she supposes that depends on what you write. But expressing sadness for this person's loss is all you need to say -- excuses, apologies or emotional cartoon faces (no matter how heartfelt) need not be conveyed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Whenever I ask someone a question over text or through a messaging app, it feels weird to me to just ask the question. Instead, I always start off with "Hi (Name)," even if I just talked to them recently. I feel like the urge to add some kind of introduction comes from writing longer emails.

Is it rude to just ask a question over text without some kind of preface? Or is that OK when people are expecting a shorter message?

GENTLE READER: Text messaging is, at its core, informal. But Miss Manners shares your affinity for prefacing the subject with "Quick question" or a short greeting.

That said, she detests the arresting "Hey!" -- finding it even more jarring than no greeting at all.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend brings his paper cup of coffee into a good restaurant.

I don't think this is good manners. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That your friend's estimation of the restaurant is not as favorable as yours.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After waiting 30 minutes to be seated in a crowded restaurant, my friend asked the very busy waitress to sample different wines before she ordered a glass.

Was this OK under the circumstances? Is it ever OK? I was so uncomfortable that I mentioned it to her. She got irate, I left, and it ended our friendship.

GENTLE READER: Was it worth it?

Asking to sample wines at a restaurant is not in itself rude. At some establishments, it is actually encouraged. Abusing the privilege, however, is irksome -- and can be exploitative, if the samples become the equivalent of a full glass.

But unless this was the latter -- or only the last in a series of inconsiderate behaviors from your friend, and you have simply had enough -- Miss Manners suggests you try to make amends. And avoid crowded restaurants.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I was a kid and wanted to play with a friend, I called the friend's house and made plans. Now that I'm a parent with my own kids, and landlines have virtually disappeared, it is almost impossible for my children to make plans without me as an intermediary -- texting/calling their friends' parents on our respective cellphones to set up a time/place.

My kids are 10 and 14, and many of their friends still do not have cellphones. It feels a little absurd for me to coordinate plans for my 14-year-old, but I don't know how else he can get in touch with his phone-less friends.

Is there something I'm missing? How do other parents do it?

GENTLE READER: If there is no other method of communication for your teenager's phone-less friends (tablet, email, etc.), then coordinate you must. Yes, it may feel absurd, and no doubt it will be highly embarrassing to all teens involved -- but at that age, everything is.

On the upside, it is not the worst thing to know -- and alert other parents -- to what your child is doing. Miss Manners presumes it is the primary reason parents do not let their children have cellular phones in the first place.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have gone to the same hairstylist for years. We know many people in common. She has asked me more than once if my granddaughter and her fiancee are living together, and she has also asked about my son-in-law's parents' divorce.

I feel vulnerable when she has scissors in hand or when she is mixing chemicals to put on my hair. I am considering changing salons to avoid these personal questions.

If I speak up, what should I say? I am not good at standing up for myself.

GENTLE READER: Then stand up, instead, for your relatives: "I am not authorized to speak on behalf of my family members' personal situations, but tell me, how are things going around here?"

At which point, the hope is that your hairstylist will launch into tales about herself or about someone else's personal life -- something you can tune out or deflect.

Clearly your hairstylist relishes gossip, but Miss Manners will hazard a guess that she probably does not much care whence it comes.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: An acquaintance stopped by uninvited. I didn't mind that he came; I don't mind the company, usually.

To be polite, I offered him a cup of coffee, which he accepted. I asked if he wanted milk or sugar. He said he wanted sugar and cream. I told him that I do not use cream, and therefore don't keep any on hand.

He was very offended and rude and told me that I should always accommodate guests and keep it available.

Remember, he was uninvited. When inviting company over for coffee, I am more willing to accommodate guests and buy something that I will not use, but not for an acquaintance who just happened by one day. How much should I be willing to accommodate uninvited guests?

GENTLE READER: Exactly as much as they are accommodating you by showing up unannounced.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend has a small dog. Though well-loved and generally well-behaved, he barks when anyone arrives, not stopping until someone gives him a treat. The hostess keeps treats at the door and hands them to guests upon arrival.

I gather many find this adorable. I don't. The barking hurts my ears. Moreover, because I worked to train my own troubled rescue dog, I know rewards reinforce behavior: in this case, barking at newcomers.

I would never correct my friend, but may I politely demur and say, "Why no, thank you," when the hostess insists I reward her dog for barking at me? She seems so disappointed in me when I refuse. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: When offered a treat, put a little more graciousness into that "no, thank you." Then make room for the next guest before your perplexed host is tempted to explain that the treat was not meant for you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For the last 10 years, three couples and I have been close friends. We travel together, have our own annual traditions, share game nights, brunches, bonfires -- we even got matching tattoos.

Then I learned that one couple was separated and planned to divorce. I was the last to learn of it, by over a month, and only found out because other members of the group said that the wife (a good friend of mine) should be the one to tell me.

Even so, I was eager to support both parties. A month later, I learned of another couple's plans to divorce. Again, I was very supportive of both parties.

But now, the remaining couple, as well as the husband from the first divorce and the wife from the second, make plans that do not include me.

It's becoming increasingly apparent that the husband from the first divorce and the wife from the second are living together. If this is the case, I do wish them the best if they've found happiness. But as I am still feeling the sting of being the last to know about the first divorce, is it better to ask outright or keep pretending I'm clueless?

I feel that the longer I act oblivious, the more it undermines my friendship with this new couple. I think they assume my "alliance" is with the first divorced wife, but I've said multiple times that that's not true.

What guidance can you provide?

GENTLE READER: Both of your goals -- staying friends with the remainder of the group and being up on the latest gossip -- are achievable, but require different approaches.

To accomplish the first, organize events with the now-smaller group without any questions or discussion about who is going home with whom. This will convince them that you still wish to be friends far more effectively than prodding into their new alliances.

The second goal will happen without prompting when you take the wife of the second couple out for lunches. Miss Manners recommends against asking out the discarded husband unless you are willing to become the subject of the gossip.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)